Illusionary

There are those who exist

From triumph to triumph

And never seem to ever slip

Others from moment to moment

Like an erratic rollercoaster ride

But I’ve subsisted somewhat

In-between my own tragedies

I was often most supportive

Of those who claimed all rewards

Only to be forgotten soon after

And much like fresh cut flowers

Vase- and placed for optical effect

Until my use became abhorrent

Tossed out as … trash unwanted

Dynamically

Micro cues are very telling

However, there’s no telling

What they mean from person to person

Everything is just general in nature

Whereas nuances are conjecture

And people must invest real time

Before they can benefit from guesses

It’s still called getting to know someone

Learning the tones of their voices

Any reactionary mood changes

Quirky glances across a room

Longing stare into each other’s eyes

Juxtaposing hurt and joyful tears

When to care and when… to be quite

Hertogeneity

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I may have been the next Holden Caulfield

But life intervened in a charitable fashion

That’s not to say that I hadn’t been affected

By things I experienced, witnessed, or lived

Clearly, I’d be one of the first to fully admit

People let you down, though it’s uncertain

If each time it was intentionally motivated

I error on the side of caution, to believe not

If I am truly the product of my environment

Who is it by name, to fault, to seek recompense?

What would any of that gain me now, so late;

A dying flower will still wilt away, will it not?

Rather than become an imaginary inky character

I became the outcome of myself… in real life

Luminous

Just off a summit point path

It was a view overlooking water

As well all the lower elevations

Just a lone bench tucked under

An umbrella shade of an oak tree

I’d often visit, even at twilight

Amidst cosmological tranquility

Staring at the stars in heaven

Improvised scenes on a fogy fabric

That had never realized the fruition

All poets are but great dreamers

They paint elegance from their heart

As they try to live it ever so briefly

Before it slips back into… invisibility

Unreconciled

I have overspent on love

With too much of myself

And now there’s nearly nothing left

I stare out my bedroom window

Up the stairs on the second floor

Watching the landscape changing

As frosted windowpanes weep

Warm amberoid rays fade away

Cold winter wind blows in greyness

Whisps of fog freeze fall trying to escape

The fireplace remains cold and empty

Remnants of your presence chill me

As howls of winds return echoes

Of your last words … before leaving

Grace in motion

You made me a light, undeserved

When all I wanted was to be a shadow

You dared me to trust in love

Even if it disappeared from touch

Life for me was never easy

But I reluctantly accepted it

When my emotions got the best of me

You could hear it in my voice

You were there saving me from darkness

As I’d fall- like a sparrow- wingless

And when I broke down and cried

My brokenness fell in your arms

You wiped away all my tears

With mere whispers…of your words

In memory of my daughter, Ashlee Dawn…

Unexplainables

Greif can be a dark fickle thing

Just as you dare to go out in public

When you think you have a handle on it

It comes at you full force out of nowhere

Without warning, it throws a gut punch

Waffling in fear, loss, anger, and confusion

Each emotion fights for full attention

Which is the last thing you want at all

Family and friends only worsen the effect

As their cynical advice is nonsensical

And absurd under normal conditions

But you can’t remember your old normalcy

You’re grasping at air for tangibility

But all your fingers find… is emptiness

Nakedness

I hung my head expecting to be shamed

After I chose to be brave exposing myself

In fashion unfamiliar to my outside world

Most of whom knew me not at all really

Nonetheless, I reveled in mere plain words

What I couldn’t dare utter out of my voice

I must admit, it seemed to be so much safer

Whereas I might explain it: a misunderstanding

Had been submitted by complete human error

A page of pure fiction instead of anecdotalized

Or so my inner thought reasoned out cowardly

Plus, it felt easier to be jousted over silly fiction

Then admit my truer inner emotions publicly

If they discerned what I wrote was… gibberish

An ode to Virginia’s love letter.

Blindfolded

Did any of my actions have merit?

Maybe I’ve neglected how to regret?

I no longer feel the cold in darkness

Any more than I might feel love again

Or has all my care become too frozen

All I know is- my heart hurts like hell

Yet some days it just seems to be numb

Does that still make it worth saving?

In these strange days, I just can’t tell

But the little bit I do trust that I know

Is something really needs changing

Even if- that only means- in myself

Maybe to a place that I just can’t see

If only I found my way back… to me

Torment cities

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I’ve known too well the stark values

Hollowness of related abandonments

As their absence felt but second nature

Where the microcosms of intelligence

Wore crowns threatening its own existence

Every time they stood to take another bow

As frail substates are marred with scars

Like galactic plots of the universal stars

Each incidentally named after their owners

Each microcosm is blood-related to the next

But the plebeians wouldn’t know it as truth

Predicated upon antidotal threats and myths

Ahh to claim citizenship is surely to be a fool

Having escaped their kingdoms… as a shadow

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