Empty shell

Like waves that make it obvious

We never left things unsaid

And yet, here and now, and yet

I’m wadding through our past

Along today’s barren shores

Incompleteness is what I have

Like a child separated in a fog

No sense, no sense of direction

Just waves without messages

No light, no darkness, no friend

All of our footprints are absence

No breezes of lost whispers reminding

Just memories of our shared days

Filled with too many…things left say

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Clairity

I walked away from a narrative of lies

I had nothing to disprove- to anyone

Bloodletting is meant to demoralize

Indiscretions are measured in degrees

If sin comparison for everyone is equal

I’ve got further from being recognized

Because I refuse to deny my lived life

If I must, I’ll live alone inside my truths

And one-way conversations with old ghost

Empathy is an island they leave unfound

I breathe in its fresh air every single day

My scars will forever be part of me now

And I still bleed inside my heart’s dreams

Behind the fogginess of my true… reality

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Spent

I rose before a colorful dawn broke

Nothing could’ve felt sadder

And while in that silence, I lost hope

In the little bit left of each other

We’ve so desperately held on to

And no matter how much

Of my brokenness still loved you

It wouldn’t be perfect or enough- any more

To match what we’ve already lost

From all the hurtful lies and distrust

You’ve loved the idea of loving me back

As I loved you with my whole being

And I love you enough to let you go

From the last piece of myself… that still can

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Significance

Everything you love about me

It seems, you took with you

Truth be told, I really don’t mind

But at the same time- Babygirl

I’m feeling everything I love about you

Is missing from my heart too

The touch of love is distinct enough

To know as soon as it’s missing

And nothing fills voids like that

If they’re left behind in your soul

What used to feel full now feels empty

I’ve felt pain I never wanted to know

I never knew so many tears could pour

From a Father’s heart… and wounded soul

Informal

Loss is always dressed as an ambush

Leaving you in shock and pain riddled

Or too numb to distinguish a difference

It’s something you can never prepare for

Albeit you can still plan until you’re blue

Unexpectedness exceeds our expectations

No matter how many losses we suffer

Intellectually we’re designed to hit reset

Which in turn sets us up for the next one

And our emotions will be caught off guard

Some are felt deeper, others in fewer tears

But nonetheless, it will most certainly hurt

If not immediately then in perpetual spurts

And liken our hurt love… lasting forever

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Battle tempered

Like a shadow of who I once was

I’ll walk along my empty shores

In the twilight hours of times before

Gathering empty shells of dreams

Left in the wake of ugly betrayals

That nearly drowned me repeatedly

I’ve stepped past the ghost of my hurt

That plagued me for too many years

Through my heart still feel the scars

That still hungers for- a love unfound

Where I can practice all, I’ve learned

To feel the warmth of love in my arms

While I’m clutched in her guiding hands

Teaching me to trust love… once again

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Unconventionally

I’ve no real magnetic control

Over my heart’s love for someone

Nor should I, least it be perverted

I can accept it or pretend and deny it

But inside my heart, it is what it is

A truth I’m consciously aware of

Love defies mortal rhyme or reasons

And yet, it will reasonably rhyme

Like a divine harmonious song

And we play as parts of its chords

To make it sublime to us and others

And my affinity for someone may

Last a day or a lifetime- far beyond

I’ve loved beautifully and…tragically

Honestly

When I- do love you

I wade deep into our emotions

I appreciate even the tiniest efforts

I live my quirkiness unabashedly

I adore all of yours admirably

I let you be yourself as you are

But should you throw me away

My love will weather it regardless

Only more hurt but at a distance

I’m guilty to a fault that way

Only pretentious love that reacts polemic

Couldn’t have been love, to begin with

Dynamics and degrees are different

Like childishness versus… immaturity

Graveyard

I wake up to a subdued twilight

Staring at me through the pane

My throat is dry and head hurts

I’m at a loss for any thoughts

As I shake off feeling overtired

I gathered myself up somewhat

Jacket and I slip into the streets

Blending into moving shadows

Beneath the stars and emptiness

I feel cold as hunger tugs on me

Scent of snow lingers in the air

I head for coffee at the open diner

Living a life story, I don’t want

Trying to find my way…back out

Unplanned things

I wanna live in a big house

That was made for visits

Where wallpaper never changes

And the ocean is steps away

After an indulgent breakfast

Where memories are made

And linger for multi-generations

Where long silent walks clear

Cold dreary morning fogs

And evenings are filled with fire

That warm you to your soul

Where you can get snowed in

But never feel its stir crazy

Where love is… in the air itself

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