Willowing

I spent a great deal of my life learning things- some unwanted

Some I ignored, some I secretly desired but never did quite acquire

Some nonsensical and some esoteric while I taught others my knowledge

I took on roles as more than myself and honed by my life lessons more or less

Been to places I never expected but some I planned never panned out

Life is peculiar with its cryptic motivation of changing from day to day

I’ve become shaped or molded and or remodeled like one singular day of the week

But for me, love had never changed but I learned participants surely will

Trading off true relationships for more of those transactional ones

The kind that forgets all emotions felt in a blink of an eye or hint of doubt

Becoming newly engaged before a divorce is even granted somehow

I still love everyone I loved since a child albeit the quantifications were altered

Love is that centric attribute about me that remained as unchanged

I’ll bare the same fruited love for all those people… indefinitely

Photo from dreamstime

Disruptions

Mundanity in post-midnight hours has grown unpalatably stale

As a lone essence creeps into a lunar-lit room to sit listlessly

Branches of pine trees just outside of reach bend at the will of winds

Albeit a spring season ushers in now and then surprise showers

Curtains give way from cooler air sneaking past an open window screen

Like some unseen visitor that has come to review the home setting

Sporadic pitter-patter drops of water land on the blurred glass

Head tilted back eyes closed as a mind escapes the monotony of time

The way spaceships flees the gravity of earthly confines

Galaxies of human thoughts and memories are jetted throughout

Meandering faster than the speed of light is produced

Bound for that misplaced age that has passed from time and presence

Reality’s intervention brings all thoughts to a screeching halt

Blue lightning spiders the night sky and it rains… streaking a pane face

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Attainment

I have cursed and I have prayed

I have stood up and I have fallen

I have run and I have been broken

I have smiled and I have humbly cried

I have been right, and I have been wrong

I have dared to walk alone and get lost

Before you know where I’m coming from

You have to risk finding my whole truth

But if you never steep inside my wounds

You’ll adopt your illusionary satisfactions

Cause you’ll only trust whispers by others

Others that have been too afraid to venture

Misunderstanding about what makes right

You’ll be in the darkness… I’m in the Light

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Dismissed

Wintery spirit of a long winter season

That resided in hazy fringes of a lifetime

Resolved gives up its own dead skeleton

It’s will- surrenders as one last mission

In the frail lunar light of existent truth

Skin, blood, and bones alike are shed off

Realizing the burden of love has ended

No one listened, and no one understood

No one is left to whisper any last words

Caustic cold dissipates in fleeting wafts

Life of a soul escapes in one last breath

With no witnesses to attest for a life lived

Winter’s shadow is finally laid upon rest

A blessed last-rite prayer … is whispered

Dearest

I imagine you, even in your ghostly state hidden from my view

Trying to catch my falling tears in your palm as time pitters onward

And I burn away like a candle in my lone silence

Still struggling as to why I can’t answer many unknowable things

That plague me with questions whenever my scars bleed from my memories

That I’ll never let go of, despite all the pain to preserve them

Not a day passes that doesn’t humble me further from my older self

Not a day passes I don’t hurt still from you missing from my life

Not a night has the sobering cold left me alone

Not a night that I don’t secretly fear the next day to come

Oh, time- time has become a cruel warden for me

Most notable in ever spent second, lost minute, and passed hour alike

Did you catch those in your palms child that just fell away as I stared out a dark window?

When will the Father let me know the answers… to my heartfelt questions?

Aesthetical

You’re afforded to adjudicate me in whatever fashion you desire

Albeit this typically occurs when others measure me by their philosophy

And one most often that I’ve not subscribed to nor chosen to accept

But its o k really, we can all learn from even mistaken fallacies

Cynics in our life are dark clouds that pass over and inconveniently rain on us

Per usual just when we’ve made some earnest progress in our life garden

While narcissists in our lives are like dark nights that linger in morning’s after

They not only stole all the blankets but every ounce of our lit morning sun

The world fruits with great wonders but it also has far too many noxious weeds

Crowding in personal cracks and spaces with platitudes of “self-serve first”

Contaminating or influencing life connections of any susceptible environment

We’re at mercy to where we establish our roots in hopes to thrive in our purpose

Some of us will become roses, or weeping willows while others dry out and die

Whatever it is I attain to, I pray what I leave behind… flourishes as beautiful

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Dyads

I recognize there are those that abhor when their emotion get disturbed

And dislike any pictures or evoking talks of the realities of death and or war

Or of the collateral damage that lingers behind like a tainted legacy

While those of us who have lost loved ones are left to live our broken actualities

We’ll light candles in remembrance or write letters never to be sent

We’ll speak openly of our enduring pain and hollowness within our presence

While overly burdened with a love for them with nowhere to gift it

We’ll absorb as best we can by compelling ignorant glances given towards us

We’ll surrender a life we once had, having no other choice in the matter

We’ll identify others like us, in our walks, fashion, or perhaps blank stares

We are not alone, yet lonely for the response from those missing

But the greatest cause of our daily loneliness comes from those still living

Those we love like those we lost, but we’re avoided like a plague

Resolved not to surrender, forget and move on as if… they’ve never existed

Ensuing

They told me my grief would get easier with passage of time

But all it has become is an unending swan song

As the DB majors and C minors cut through all of those lies

Leaving stripes of tear stains upon my cheeks

And my life, much like my broken heart feeling empty

I’m sure a part of them meant well but honesty played no part

Making my world even smaller than I once thought

Still, I wash my face, stand up straight in your memory

But I’m fully sure you know all too well, I’m just pretending

You’ve been the soul of my heart since the moment of your birth

That pivotal moment when the universe changed forever

I had no idea your absence would cause the universe to retract

All of life’s goodness that your presence depicted

Leaving me beset within this slow-motion… heart attack

Silky petals

Could not the Odyssey spare me a Nightingale

Thereby offering me promising hope of warmth

Invite me to picture a rural sylvan of green tops

Colorful butterflies in flight and light hair girls

Chasing after without real intent to surrender

Oh, I could almost hear their echoing laughter

As I lay alone, reading somewhat sprawled out

Upon an inviting blanket where I offer them rest

Then, we would chat about the flowers and moon

And of course, love and lazy afternoons- all alone

Sisters or friends endeavoring to become women

And I- merely but lad desiring to become a man

Would only too happily feel obliged to them both

After all, what then is nature for if not to…bloom

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Enroute

Casting mere simple velleities aside

I’ve peregrinated landscapes of love

Along my way, I’ve paid heavy tolls

I still wear those scars on my heart

As I dared not to give up and let go

Of a love that left me malnourished

After abandoning my heart and soul

My attenuated mind trust as a child

Albeit love remains my Achilles heel

Love liken a flower survives off hope

And sooner or later true love blooms

In places, no one would’ve thought so

Times grains have been lost to winds

Yet, I endeavor as a … divine sonnet

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