Dearest

I imagine you, even in your ghostly state hidden from my view

Trying to catch my falling tears in your palm as time pitters onward

And I burn away like a candle in my lone silence

Still struggling as to why I can’t answer many unknowable things

That plague me with questions whenever my scars bleed from my memories

That I’ll never let go of, despite all the pain to preserve them

Not a day passes that doesn’t humble me further from my older self

Not a day passes I don’t hurt still from you missing from my life

Not a night has the sobering cold left me alone

Not a night that I don’t secretly fear the next day to come

Oh, time- time has become a cruel warden for me

Most notable in ever spent second, lost minute, and passed hour alike

Did you catch those in your palms child that just fell away as I stared out a dark window?

When will the Father let me know the answers… to my heartfelt questions?

Ecliptic

Despite the greatest of heavenly intentions in a galaxy of wills

Your trajectory glanced off a rogue shooting star

Causing you to skip past where we were both destined

Leaving us stranded from our true fate as lovers

Still, you and I separately walk along the fringes of bodied waters

While on opposite sides of a shared moon’s reflection

Where our lone heart softly whispers our prayers

For all, we still need as tears from our eyes fall through gaps of silence

Into swirling aired winds to soar in search of deliverance

We reflect like lone abstract flowers in fogyish clouds of water

Convinced we feel the existence of our shared synced hearts

Reverberating perfectly along in rhythm with our missed destiny

But even if eons pass from heaven’s eternal time

You and I- will still find one another united… one day

Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

Dyads

I recognize there are those that abhor when their emotion get disturbed

And dislike any pictures or evoking talks of the realities of death and or war

Or of the collateral damage that lingers behind like a tainted legacy

While those of us who have lost loved ones are left to live our broken actualities

We’ll light candles in remembrance or write letters never to be sent

We’ll speak openly of our enduring pain and hollowness within our presence

While overly burdened with a love for them with nowhere to gift it

We’ll absorb as best we can by compelling ignorant glances given towards us

We’ll surrender a life we once had, having no other choice in the matter

We’ll identify others like us, in our walks, fashion, or perhaps blank stares

We are not alone, yet lonely for the response from those missing

But the greatest cause of our daily loneliness comes from those still living

Those we love like those we lost, but we’re avoided like a plague

Resolved not to surrender, forget and move on as if… they’ve never existed

Ensuing

They told me my grief would get easier with passage of time

But all it has become is an unending swan song

As the DB majors and C minors cut through all of those lies

Leaving stripes of tear stains upon my cheeks

And my life, much like my broken heart feeling empty

I’m sure a part of them meant well but honesty played no part

Making my world even smaller than I once thought

Still, I wash my face, stand up straight in your memory

But I’m fully sure you know all too well, I’m just pretending

You’ve been the soul of my heart since the moment of your birth

That pivotal moment when the universe changed forever

I had no idea your absence would cause the universe to retract

All of life’s goodness that your presence depicted

Leaving me beset within this slow-motion… heart attack

Floccinaucinihilipilification

Empty preserve jar and buttered grain toast sacrifices morning appetite

I hear the daily political rhetoric resonate across the screens

Both on video as well as outside on the sidewalk of passing people

And yet even today I remain numb about most of the subjects

Rarely do I engage or take any sides of additional growing disharmony

As if I’ve been snake bitten intellectually and lean shyer

All this world learns from life is how to fight or profit for any reason

Having long forgotten those missing from our broken hearts

Making my palate for the sweeter things of life soured

And I question what more or purpose will become of my time left here

As grains of lost time are converted into manufactured solar panels

Surely, human intends to extend their colonial perversion into the whole universe

Trying to one-up one another or find satisfaction for an unquenchable thirst

It is truly my hope long before then… to ascend and miss all that mess

Obsoletion

I’ve discovered the hollows of hearts in real life itself

Without ever purposely meaning to seek them out

Perhaps on some subconscious level I had, but I’m just not sure now

Twas sitting about my settings when it occurred to me

How apropos this matched my inclination of a heart’s emptiness

Drained nearly bone dry of its once empathetic pool of love for others

And dense like echoes throughout all the neglected corridors

Fingerprints, footprints, and salty stained teardrop residue still exist

Almost like a crime scene from long ago that went unreported

Oh, how love and life can become a cruel combination to endure alone

Years, dust, and complacent cobwebs take on a presence of their own

Like the daily nuances of set times for staring out windows

Vicariously living life safely through others quietly slipping past

Having reconciled no one has cared to visit… in decades

Specail delivery

I almost feel a reverberation of stars sporadically spread across a vast darkness

And just as nearly, hear their cries of errant emotions tucked in loneliness

As they peer down at eyes like mine in a sad and longing fashion

Relating all too well to both our relatable existences

There’re some things designed by heaven that are void of explanation by words

Not even colors could dare come close for expressions

No, emotions are the Holy Grail of true unfettered communication

And when we deny emotions, we deny a divine language and delivery

Denial: a byproduct of human fear, sowed amidst flowers or stars by darkness alone

Fear that hesitates as a scolded child that has not eagerly misbehaved

Darkness, that illegitimately slithered through the Holy Garden of Eden

Emotions are a fruit afforded humanity to know and learn

Emotions bare forth charity and love from their soul

How could we ever bequeath what… we’ve never known?

Photo by David Kopacz on Pexels.com

Afterness

Like the outbreak of a human famine

When love is found, lived, and then inhumanly gone

We become a broken-off piece of the universe

Spilling outwardly from our collapsed normalcy

A sorrowful churning like that of the vast oceans

Our emotions feel darkly abandoned like spoiled carrion

Laying as waste by a wild and untamable foe

Despite our own set nature of control

Defiant to even the influencing of a moon

We’re at mercy to our suffering or self-annihilation

We were the ultimate beauty- become ugly

All the elements of life at battle with one another

Harmony is absent from any sense of logic

We devolved into a transfixed essence… as loves wake

Picture from Dreamstime.com

If you can

Tell me the truth

Even if it’s the only time you do

Have you ever loved

Beyond your own self-worth

And was that loss

Worth the moments afterwards

Because I can’t tell

When I’m still falling out

Spiraling away from myself

I never wanted another chance so bad

Even if I hurt the rest of my life

So, if you can, tell me the truth

Is this what’s supposed to happen

When someone is the love… you lose

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Intervals

I admit, moments still come to me unexpectedly

When the preverbal ground falls out from underneath my feet

And I’m emotionally, freefalling into a state of disbelief

Shadowed by grief tagging along as returning visions vividly come to life

Listening to missed conversations echo as if in my present

My heart races, my sorrow elevated, and my eyes grow ever moist

And my sleeping longing rises anew within its devastation

Much like a candle flame does striving for oxygen

My hearts raw and unhealed scars renew their weeping

I’m beset to a loss I’ll never forget, because love never lets go

Like some transaction prepaid before an indulgence

Only to be conveniently forgotten come the next tomorrow

Love is a free gift we give, meant to last beyond forever

I’ve chosen to reside within … loves true nature

Photo by Shivansh Sharma on Pexels.com

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