Carried

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They don’t tell you how harsh

Losing someone loved, forever

Really can hurt your heart

Caught up in a sea of emotions

Through our unbroken connection

I still rise and fall so unexpected

Flashes of our moments come

Reflections on the face of my tears

As I lose the will of pretending

I can fake it alone until I make it

I’m learning I’m lying to myself here

As time only deepens, a hurting scar

Still in the deepest depths of pain

You and I will always remain…alive

Street cells

My motivation has slipped by

To a wayside, of wait and see

The world reflects how I seem

My whole universe has changed

Leaving me behind in shadows

Surrounded by walls I don’t know

None of which know my secrets

Nor any of my fears or lost dreams

Familiarity makes all the difference

Between us friends and or foes alike

They’re newer strangers in reality

And I- an orphan, wade out- life

I abhor hugs from showy strangers

And their utterance’s… of inanities

Starless

There are those of us, accustomed

When bright lights start burning out

We acclimate as best we’ve learned

But its never easy, to say the least

Still- our world gets a bit darker

But that in itself isn’t really new

We’ve been trough many of storms

Each of them left us scarred, somehow

The scars replaced our missing pieces

Though we oft pretend to be the same

It’s easier when no one notices anything

Losing loved ones- our greatest values

Not all brokenness is on the surface

Eventually, we’ll be left… to darkness

Graveyard

I wake up to a subdued twilight

Staring at me through the pane

My throat is dry and head hurts

I’m at a loss for any thoughts

As I shake off feeling overtired

I gathered myself up somewhat

Jacket and I slip into the streets

Blending into moving shadows

Beneath the stars and emptiness

I feel cold as hunger tugs on me

Scent of snow lingers in the air

I head for coffee at the open diner

Living a life story, I don’t want

Trying to find my way…back out

Unplanned things

I wanna live in a big house

That was made for visits

Where wallpaper never changes

And the ocean is steps away

After an indulgent breakfast

Where memories are made

And linger for multi-generations

Where long silent walks clear

Cold dreary morning fogs

And evenings are filled with fire

That warm you to your soul

Where you can get snowed in

But never feel its stir crazy

Where love is… in the air itself

Afterthoughts

I rush to get myself nowhere

Feeling like I’m always late

I feel my life missing things

As I sit around in the silence

Waiting on a colorful dawn

How else will I know to rest?

Sleeping tires me these days

I can’t shake feeling strange

Did I miss too many steps,

Or a road to the right bridge,

Getting me to this lost space?

I don’t really know anymore

I used to think I knew enough

That’s the nature of …lost loves

Mutated sunsets

Today the morning is laced

In a bittersweetness of grays

Its soberness can be tasted

On the fringes of realization

Some things are better left unsaid

So, I will take my unspoken with

As I pack up fragments of yesterday’s

And my tidbits hope of tomorrow’s

With broken promises and uncertainty

As I leave behind what is left of family

That could never fathom the depths

Of my perpetual love for them

I will nestle into a distant mountainside

To observe life slowly …slip from sight

Holding out

Alone at times, I close my eyes

I just sit here in borrowed silence

As I listen attentively for your whispers

With tears streaming from my eyes

As I anticipate what you might say

My lawless heart beats thunderously

It may seem a cruel thing to be doing

But it secretly gives me more hope

The way my prayers often do too

Because even my love still hurts in truth

So, what more is there I can say

I will never compartmentalize you

To love unconditionally from your soul

You bear through it all… and never let go

Subtlety

Made memories and the living

The way photographs feel in the hand

Compared to what we can envision

For me, it was always the difference

And something that really mattered

I knew that I would always understand

No matter what else ever happened

But this just isn’t- the same for me now

And those confusion changes daily

Like the changing winds on barren lands

Leaving me to feel foreign in understanding

And I’ve gotten lost inside of what was

That I can’t imagine even being found

Or if I really ever want… to come back out

Sentient

I was born bruised and broken

Heading downhill fast

Trying to survive life’s avalanche

Lord knows I wasn’t given a chance

Still here I am- subsisting this

In the shadows and light cast

Like some monstrous outcast

When all I’ve done was be born

And even then, I was never asked

But somehow, I have to pay the tax

When does life change into living it,

As in dreams, movies … or delusions?

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