Apportion

Apportion

It’s a queer thing to ones sanity

Innocuously glance in a mirror

Have your image question you

Of your legitimacy in the present

But after a few peculiar moments

I realized I lost something valuable

Or I really should say- someone

That center point of my universe

Which lead to my erratic compass

Leading me in the wrong directions

Often on the punctuated right days

Twas my image, but not my spirit

Methinks that spirit recalibrated me

Evidence, she’s still… my guidance

Outpaced

Progress- what a vulgar term at best

We’ve exceeded our needs for wants

Doing the unnecessary because we can

Obtuse and deaf, hell-bent and dammed

We’re our own evolved frenzied monster

Sporting a devilishly insatiable hunger

Technology has beaten down palisades

That once safeguarded all the huminites

Of arts, photographers, poets, painters

Sculptures, languages, music, speakers

AI’s can simultaneously act as all of them

With their unblemished flare and skills

Explore new gardens of unknown galaxies

We’ve achieved outsourcing… ourselves

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Fulgurate

Time is now my heartless jailer

Holding my full essence hostage

In hopes to force my transition

Through a loss- I refuse to abort

From my mind, soul, and heart

Marginalizing all my principles

That’s guided well my love forth

For not capitulating effortlessly

To their dark antithetical scheme

Swallowing of some bitter canard

And view life’s prism differently

To weaken who I’ve always been

One would think a loss is enough

But regardless of what they want

My love doesn’t halt… its mission

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Submergent

It isn’t loneliness we feel

But more of that frigid cold

In that formless hollowness

That’s adhered to our souls

Even as we sit before a fire

Snaps, crackles, and pops!

In a prismatic-colored dance

Our cloak of worries slide off

Lured into a momentary trance

Escaping all the woes of strife

Laying down our guard a bit

As we sip- on brandy or wine

Having an internal dialogue

About still feeling… half froze

Disproportion

It’s like I no longer fit in myself

Time, a most careless container

Nothing is right since you’ve left

Feels like I’m too constricted now

My bindings of life are too tight

It becomes hard to breath or even

Mutter out your name in silence

Causing my eyes break into tears

Revisiting memories, we’ve shared

Laughters in undeniable triumphs

Hearing every single conversation

Back to the moment of your birth

Emptiness, a wayward companion

When your soul has lost someone

Grief oft feels like I’m… imploding

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Intrusive

It is telling, much in the way

Footfalls echo down a hallway

The queer notion of presence

Is enough to be a disturbance

Stimuli are nursed impulses

Darkness feeds into our fears

Take us to unexpected places

Our cognizant is led by biases

Having achieved but a fallacy

After leaving logic in darkness

We become frighted by sound

That is as innocent as a child

Returning to comfort of safety

To leave us feeling… infantile

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Ma fille

I question if absent mindedness

Has been that lingering shadow

Nefariously following me around

Like some stalker for broken hearts

That missed the boat for recovering

Since they’ve drifted from normalcy

Remaining on the peripheral of life

Caught between darkest and light

Draining my energy to be- myself

Diverting my thoughts from now’s

Nothing seems to be where I left it

I find things where I least expect

My grief tells me I misplaced you

In that way, I’ve least… expected to

Photo by Gantas Vaiu010diulu0117nas on Pexels.com

Hollow trunk

Its winter and yet I feel no cold

I stand here silently half naked

Why does this fog blanket me so?

Where has my loved Dawn gone?

There are answer I’ll never know

That’s the thing about all nature

Too transient to remain very long

All my years failed to prepare me

For the unexpected of cruel seasons

Lack of heartless to become careless

My aged cover hides scarred grains

All my branches are nearly fruitless

The glorious days have passed away

As horizontal edge draws… ever nearest

Not my photo.

Tight roping

Trauma can leave indelible marks

In our lives as well as on our souls

From early learning, life bestows

Resetting of our moral innateness

Creating built-in gaps for escape

Self-justification to ignore a truth

And most often its triggered by fear

Fear of punishment, fear of our loss

Fear of abandonment or our reality

Gaps- to make our default blind spots

Primarily in relationships, or things

We’ll normally (by default) accept lies

To evade any conflict or internal pain

Or blame ourselves for ill acts of others

Proxy gaslighters protect… loved liars

Note: All trauma is inexcusable abuse.

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A cold coming

April- a time of comprehension

That those who hunkered down

Neath winters premature blanket

Will not be returning to us again

Not, in the persona or our lifetime

April- is to remind us life goes on

It perseveres by its own set nature

But it lacks emotions or a heartbeat

Wears no frowned face or a shadow

So much unlike us- left to gardening

Tending new growth of hope to forget

We hide profound pain in ourselves

Like a secret the world mustn’t know

To prevent looking overly… human

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