Used to

I used to love the moon at night 
Now it just some overt reminder 
There are other stars in the sky 

I used to wade into the waters 
Before water drowned me in tears 
Now I just watch it all from afar 

I’ve become estranged to believing 
At least the kind I used to trust in
Wordless, truth spoke in the eyes 

I used to love all beautiful things
Old, broken or misused by others 
Long before my whole life changed 

I used to be honest down to my bones 
But now- I can’t tell if I’ll love a lie 
That smiles and whispers: I’m alone 

I used to respect and know myself 
Before getting used to … loving hell 

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Pivotal

It starts like magic so innocently 
Resistance begets that new friction  
A whiff, a look- maybe simply nothing 
Like a flame growing out of control 
Everything about you is right here 
I’m bewitched- but I just do not care 
Once I see your eyes I am hypnotized 
The touch of your fingers, caressing
Sending fiery chills all throughout me 
Weight of your body covering mine 
Sweet dampness of your lips pressing  
And I’m falling in an imaginary truth
So much for calling this a peaceful truce  
I degust your kisses; so intoxicating
Then I am lost to you from everything  
I feel you pulsing trough my veins 
Like a drug- making me feel insane 
I can’t hold on, and I can’t let go
Am I coming here or am I going there?
I don’t know- what is wrong or right
The sun suddenly blacks out just in time 
Can’t seem to reboot my …muscle memories   

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Modulations

 

They often asked what was bothering me
Rarely did I hear what they’re saying 
When they saw me stop cold and stare 
I was simply locked into a moment 
Suddenly triggered by something
In the air or just lying there in the silence
Time steals me back to that place called- us 
Before it crumbled into broken trust  
Goosebumps erupt over my skin 
Maybe the world is coming to an end 
Has the sun fallen for the moon’s shadow?
How could I know when I get like this?    
I don’t usually even realize 
Teardrops breaking from my eyes 
Or that my heart tries- escaping my chest 
Misbelieving you’ve returned to stay 
That you are sorry and want to change 
All I really know is there are fragments 
Of you and your essence at large and everlasting 
Admittedly, sometimes I don’t notice 
They have stopped asking me … anything   

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Anecdotic

Mind not the shabby quarters I keep 
I admit fully, it wasn’t always this way
But this landscape has endured much 
As have I- serving as its lone steward 
I have crafted again renewed old walls
Out of loves cracked blocks of trust 
Many discolored with gaping holes 
Wrought with fingerprints of old lovers 
That have worn no shame nor blame 
In changing of their fashionable desires 
As they existed my heart in a cloud of dust
Offering me no questions or answers  
These tiny pieces of what laid strewn 
Became sidewalks my midnights use 
When ghost of their vacancies … tuck me in

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Grand-scheme

Akin the breeze needs to be felt 
The way flowers need the rain
I craved- beyond my inner self
Unknowably  
Like the everlasting sun 
You brought light 
Filling up all my darkness
And much like the moon
Ever gentle and smooth
You existed by just being you 
From afar, I could see- life  
Everything I could not believe in 
And then up close I held hope
Like a fragile child sleeping 
And felt it stirring in my essence  
That I was more than I ever knew
More than I was ever led to think   
I was greater than they said
Greater than they could have imagined
Greater than my empty absence 
Greater than even my empty hands  
Oh! Dear sweet love 
I wasn’t going to permit myself to dream 
Now- I just can’t help it
All the missing color brought life 
Which in turn, set it afire 
You- 
May never truly understand
What you help make happen  
The liberation you gifted
Breath by effortless breath
To every heartbeat I ever had   
In taking the time to be connected 
I learned to love enough, to let go
I’ve let be, of even me  
So, I- could live love itself- finally 
The way life and love were mean to be 
You nurtured my broken heart
You nurtured my damaged soul
You nurtured back from being marooned  
God knows, I do not want it, but-
I’ll understand, if ever you must… go 

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Non causa pro causa

Points of views; professional or layman’s 
Can be deceiving and further distorting 
WE are all fallible at any given moment  
Dreams can be as inebriating as cathartic  
To vividly live beyond one’s own boundaries
Even in an imaginary bubble of sleep like 
Offer us insight we’ve unconsciously impeded 
Can create motivation to pursue past obstacles
Serve as a focus point and real sense of direction 
Unless- the dreams are beyond one’s ability
Beyond any practical means of achieving
Remember, the snowflake effect is actually real
And can just as easily burry us under context 
Well then, dreams become the drunken issue
Where we start living life only in dreams 
And stop paying attention to real opportunities 
Only to struggle in the real world, as a failure
A version of yourself, you play for everyone else 
Compounding, conflating and disorienting- us
Dreams are beautiful when realistic and honest
Or- like some drug filled life of disappointments
A means of sabotaging ourselves because we adopt 
Rational and reasoning from others; ignoring ours
Only to consume life, foolishly wasting it away 
By crossing over bridges of resentment and jealousy
Right after we torch the very foundation of them 
Conveniently inventing our excuses well in advance 
So much effort, for crumbs of someone else leftovers 
That, they may never even had wanted to begin with 
Remember that life is filled with bad accomplices 
Insecurely offering us cursory encouragements  
We must be our greatest arbiters, in every moment 
Not suggesting we settle for less than: achievable 
But we must identify our own true limitations  
Merely stating reality deserves our full integrity
And as such, shouldn’t we deserve our full attention? 
Be it about our finances, health, or introspection
Break the mirror, dare to shatter those illusions 
And have an unconditional conversation within 
I find, our duty: being the best self … we’ll accept 

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Exquisite friend


A blushed sun is veiled this day 
Marbled grey skies; fogyish overcast 
Interchanging breezes, so apropos 
There is no one to send flowers to
Rose thoughts permeates the ambience 
Nor sentiments for the obvious loss
Or to see paying their last respects 
The sound of taps won’t be heard
Echoing out like moaning birds 
No- you expelled all that in darkness
In depths where love and you crashed   
Crowds won’t be here gathered around
To shake any hands or wiping tears 
Regrets for things left unsaid- vacant 
Your scars need not mend complete now
Cause for love is being laid, tragically 
The sermon, will come as silent whispers
All will miss the unsaid moral message
No one will know they were even thought 
And I- need not battle with your odd wits 
Nor the choices you made so impulsively 
I will miss dragging you out of hell’s gates
I guess in my own way, I always believed 
Your finishing act would be in such fashion 
Daring to love, one last time, unabashedly  
I will truly wish your full forgiveness  
Each time I come visit… my faithful heart  

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Gifted

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

I earned unwittingly, a PhD in heartbreak 
Having been a veteran of loves battles 
The triumphs that befell to unseen loses 
I carry many of scars deep within my soul 
Not all memories are pleasant, to say the least
However, many are held close to my heart 
I still love everyone I ever have before; 
And honestly asking, how could I not? 
It’s simply in the spirit of who I wish to be 
The level of degrees has receded somewhat
Like dry season’s do to fresh riverbanks 
At times I tease myself with those “what if’s” 
Just my way of imagining while I surrender 
Our love lasted as long as one could expect  
When you are the vessel; they, the currents  
Like time, they became lost from my present 
And like time, I know they’ll never return 
Reasoning, you can’t touch the same water twice 
But as for some, once was more than enough  
Albeit many of lessons I could have done without
There was no other way for me to be … elucidated  
.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Parallax

We both stared out over the horizon
Fixated on the intangible and imaginary
That both our hearts longed to discover 
That missingness only we could notice 
Longing to be held and gently embraced 
And by faith, trusted it would come 
Only in the right time, fashion, and play  
Like two boundless comets heading there 
We eagerly merged into a single atmosphere 
Our naked coalescence felt nearly flawless 
As if by designed but left unquestioned 
Believing fate had bestowed our wishes 
We tossed and turned at times got bruised 
We ignored damage done and moved on
Believing then it takes time to get used to
Those quarks and wonderments of another 
As time slipped away, so too did that image 
Like a slow unnoticeable dissipating mask 
We seemed to be heading in opposite directions
Scorned faces replaced all the smiles and grace  
All while clinging to our ideal point of view
Unaware our unlimited imagitions matched 
But from the distorted reality we really had 
We fell blindly in love with our shared eclipse 
Passing in a fogyish darkness like lost ships 
Unmet desires brushed each other’s wounds 
With the tenderness of quivering fingertips   
Mistook for each other’s wandering hearts  
The treasure we truly sought was absent 
Which is why our chaotic separation hurt 
As a cruel reality finally snapped us apart 
Sending us twirling on the cusp of invisibility  
And we drifted aimlessly back to our space 
Discovering no two points … are ever the same 

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Angst

As if on cue to my insecure wounds 
Shadows appear, but only at night
Like flickers of nefarious flames 
As they hunt and prance about 
I find there’s nowhere to escape 
I shyly peek out- from beneath 
That thin layer of false shielding
That separate all them- from me  
Whilst preparing to inspire myself
To save all that is left vulnerable
As my heart pitter-patters loudly 
And in my immature clumsiness   
I know, I’ve slayed those monsters
At least a thousand different ways 
Yet somehow-they remain ever present
And return once again, just as lively  
Which axiomatically begs the question: 
What part maybe purely all delusion?
So as to fully embrace… the reality I’m left  

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

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