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No day has been the same since

Or my moonless nights or sunsets

I’m filled with chills and cold

I’ve lost my sense of self control

Without guidance of your presence

At times I have to close my eyes

In hopes that I might just find

Some answer I haven’t heard yet

From many of your faint whispers

Still lingering within my heart

That might offer some direction

What to do next- before I cry and

Die again inside another moment

Without you here … to hold onto

Betwixt

It’s like a draught of some odd type

Here I am, still trying, trying to swim

In puddles of shallow waters, I’ve left

Getting nowhere fast, in thick muck

Those bitter waters are draining away

Leaving me a wreck in all my todays

And all of my fresh hopes I still have

Are draining away too, into their last

Did I miss my course along the way?

Or was a curse exactly where I headed

Steering blind into a charted storms eye

Believing I ‘ve founded my own island

I never really wanted to be a lost Pirate

Just a pilot for my hearts… lasting heaven

Essentially

Still after all this time

I find, I’m still amazed

Just how many times

Pain changes many things

Learning again to let go

Has many more versions

But I’m happy to know

I’m learning them easier

Letting go of some people

I gave far too much credit

Can never really love me

As I do them in every moment

It’s not me hurting deep inside

It’s really my raw love … that cries

Unwanted changes

One by one they fell away

Like leaves that dried up

And loss the strength to stay

Drifting off, in rogue whispers

Going somewhere not here

Nothing I could’ve ever said

Would’ve changed any of it

So, like a naked tree I stand

All alone and getting older

In a cover field of hinterland

No way out of this madness

My heart broken and bleeding

In shades of grey, I can’t even see

I wonder if they ever… seen me?

Contemporaneous

My scars have recovered somewhat

Ashes of colorful futures fall amongst

This dust, through my shaky fingers

My fearless hopes in most all others

Still bleed profusely now and then

I still struggle to clear blurred vision

In this new and unwanted landscape

But- Truth be told, I can honestly say:

It isn’t just a heart alone that breaks

It’s all those whispered lofty dreams

And my irreplaceable broken trust

That I foolishly thought was treasured

It’s the full shattering of one’s world

That quickly imploded on me … all at once

Disregarded

Who was right, who was wrong

Doesn’t matter much anymore

Who we were, has simply gone

I couldn’t repair, what I didn’t break

And just because I walked away

Don’t you think that it doesn’t hurt

At least, any less than if I had stayed

I realized when something is so broken

Something else really had to changed

But I knew I’d never change my heart

God knows, I had to change my mind

And pretend- I didn’t care anymore

I may be alone and still broken inside

I’ve promised to give myself… healing time

No instructions

Today is an unwanted tomorrow

And I’m a broken puzzle

Just what should I expect

Now that you’re gone

Tell me, how should I react

When all the people come

Tears swelled in their eyes

Broken voices of surprise

Will I even hear their words

Swallowed up in their arms

Still feeling numb and cold

As life becomes- disbelief

In the form of a heart storm

No place to move on towards

And I am that eye, left as center

The last place I’d want to be

Churning quietude of silent pain

With no direction to lead me out

From inside my drowning self

Your trusting hands are missing

Like your soft-spoken whispers

I don’t need temporary relief

All I really need, is you back

Or do I just let go here and now

Of everything that I believed in

Can you really tell me- how

When you were that everything

When you sheltered me in your love

Back when we shared our… yesterdays

Note: This is not a reflection of my current life.

Paradoxically

Baby we really, really tried

Tried to hide lies in our eyes

We were both feeling inside

But our hearts were too wise

And saw through the disguise

We came to realize, it was time

Time to go our separate ways

Like seasons people can changed

Now each day I feel a little colder

Spring became a long shadow winter

How I miss more the flowery scents

You wore daily on your bare skin

I can’t help but wonder- secretly

If you’re happier now… without me?

Experiential

Time itself has numbing effects

If our minds remain complicit

Yet, there have been such times

Sadly, I’ve unexpectedly realized

Old wounds thought long healed

Just may rematerialize painfully

As all those memories come too

Learning that some of our wounds

Can never fully heal with time itself

Especially when the wounds wait

Substituting for what was stolen

Mindful innocents are unrepairable

We’re burdened bound to that legacy

Accepting that is … accepting healing

Thoughtless

Some answers just never fit us right

Rambling in circles of a broken mind

The truth itself, can seem all to dark

And sometimes we must close our eyes

Cause we can’t stand nor stare it in the face

It’s bad enough, feeling so misplaced

I’d much rather hang my head, what can I say?

Tell me, where does the magic itself go to,

Once we notice that it has slipped away?

Tell me, how do you ever find it once again,

After you’ve already done, lost your way?

It’s not like a diamond you happen to find

Casually on your way sparkling in daylight

Or is it lost forever, like love to … finders’ keepers?

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