Category: depression

Perpetual

Photo by Martino Grua on Pexels.com
Perhaps it was some sick twist 
The cosmos nefariously conjured 
At both of our tragic story expense 
While the question remains ever present
One senses deep within ones heart 
Like an aberrational extra shadow
I’ve finally grown to simply ignore 
Now, that I just do not bother with 
Always asking myself “why?” anymore
Endlessly searching for some answer
Inside a labyrinth of plaguing questions
That towered over all I thought I once was  
Harshly learning instead, it doesn’t exist 
Anymore than “us” ever really did 
And even though I was the second one 
To eventually walk away from “us” 
It was only after you let go of me … first  

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Vanquishment

I’ve written my deepest poetry
In but a near silence of honesty
But the world will never read
A single word, line or verse quilled
For the ink itself- became invisible
As soon as my hearts tears… dried

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Progenitor

Photo by Alvin Decena on Pexels.com

Like a snapped breath of whispered air

On the cursed side of love gone wrong

I meander between lost daydreams

That I honestly can no longer fathom

And my frosty nightmare realities

Where far too often, I fall, victim

To your lively looking vivid images

Coaxing me into a quicksand of insanity

Pulling me back into the baleful caverns

Of cobwebbed interconnecting labyrinths

Only found deep within my fractured mind

Where my escape is always predicated

On dragging the shadow of my soul back out

Inch by inch on my feeble worn knees

As I clutch what’s left… of my tattered heart

Poet of the Light © 2021

Beached

As if I was in a dream lost 
Moonlight held a drape of dark 
I gentle, opened my eyes
Looking across, a ripply horizon 
As I laid alone along side
That sleepy mirror of water 
Watching images of you and I  
Come to life- in full blown color 
Inside our laughter filled yesterdays
I can still hear their echoes reverberate 
As those heartfelt scenes changed  
With the direction of the breeze
Your voice permeating my heartbeats
And my eyes filled with cloudy drops
That simply refuse to leave me 
Clinging like a fearful child
After all- truth be known 
This maybe the last time 
Your presence, comes to visit
This maybe the last time, I hold… you 

.
Poet of the Light © 2021

Mutuality

 I have a marriage with my scars
 Those seen and unseen publicly  
 We take turns wearing each other
 Like a shared wardrobe of sorts  
 And in this unusual arrangement  
 We also take turns being blessed
 However long those moments… last
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2021

Suspension

 
 Tidbits of a Tuscan colored sun
 Adorn the wintry gray horizon
 Beset by a most dividing pall haze   
 As ghostly clouds and wild fog  
 Chase one another in mere silence  
 Providing them rhythm and reason  
 True to life and their own nature  
 I strive to rediscover for myself  
 Since absence of loves presence  
 I’ve transformed into loneliness  
 And became too accustomed to  
 These caustic cold breeze kisses   
 Playing havoc on my numb cheeks                       
 Liken a tall oak tree, overburdened  
 Dew can still seep down my face   
 Transplanted in some remote forest  
 For all the broken, lost or unwanted
 Where few visit or care of recovery
 Caught between life and hibernation
 My frayed heart awaits... rejuvenation
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2021

Sifted

 Thought I heard you next to me talking  
 But it was just foolish thunder rumbling  
 Cruelly waking me from a beautiful dream  
 Where you and I painted secrets of love  
 In a universe of of whispers and touch
 I sat there alone- in floods of lightning  
 And felt my hope brake and slowly fleet  
 Into the shadows of what will never be  
 As drops slipped down my window panes  
 My soul overflowed from… dark realities
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020

If-

 If I was worth  
 Quiet evening of simple things
 Wouldn’t you be here  
 Doing just that by now?
 
 If I was worth  
 Your amazing inspiration  
 Wouldn't you be here
 Doing just that by now?
 
 If I was worth  
 Intimate walks along the ocean
 Wouldn’t you be here  
 Doing just that by now?  
 
 If I was worth  
 Time for casual conversation
 Wouldn’t you be here
 Doing just that by now?  
 
 If I was worth  
 A hearty meal laced in laughters  
 Wouldn’t you be here  
 Doing just that by now?  
 
 If I was worth  
 Your unbiased understanding
 Wouldn't you be here
 Doing just that by now?  
 
 If I was worth  
 Your earnest warm embrace
 Wouldn’t you be here  
 Doing just that by now?   

  If I was worth 
  Making mistakes and forgiveness
  Wouldn't you be here
  Doing just that by now?  
 
 If I was worth  
 Anything for you to hold onto  
 Wouldn’t you be here  
 Doing just that by now?  
 
 If I was worth  
 Being loved honestly by you  
 Wouldn't you be here  
 Doing just that by now?  
 
 Where are you… now?  
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020

Pet shell

 Like the tone of your voice  
 Sifted through those fissures  
 Of my heart, word by word  
 As I laid face-down in the earth  
 Reawakening my life once again  
 Which in turn, caused me to feel  
 Reverberation of my heartbeats
 One after another and becoming  
 Like oxygen for my wakening soul
 And I believed love was knocking
 Then I answered- by opening me   
 Now, all I hear are those lost echoes  
 I now drown myself in sound of ...oceans
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020

Heartfalls

 The river below has slowed its flow
 Covering its banks at night in fog 
 Geese are passing through 
 Winter must be coming
 The sun has waned in its duty  
 Winds have stopped whining
 Solace is seeking its rest again  
 And you know, I was almost used to  
 Sitting here alone- in my silence
 Recognizing my predicament    
 But like a rogue freight train  
 You- became a loud summer glint  
 As if a lost whisper returning   
 Reflecting, living so wildly free   
 And in that way, you brought me hope
 Oh the mountain trembled, a bit
 I hadn't felt that in such a long while
 It was an unsuspecting rush  
 Flushing through my whole body  
 You were waking the sleepy me up
 From a complicit dream of slumber  
 And you always seemed to know
 Exactly what's on my mind
 In much so- sometimes I wondered  
 If you were just some fragment
 Of myself, lost to a past life   
 Or perhaps, its wandering ghost  
 Trying to tell me something  
 Something, that I may have forgotten  
 Something, I’m yet to discover  
 I have no idea- truth be told  
 What you’re really think or believe   
 You hide now, a shadow, inside your life
 Slowly going further away from me
 Someplace I can’t see or be  
 And now, suddenly somehow
 You’ve become part of the mystery  
 That kept me in this distance
 Just when I'm getting that feeling
 Of wholeness, was still possible
 It seemed I was on the cusp  
 Of learning- a great something
 That’s now getting lost  
 Inside all passing moments  
 While I’ve been pushed down
 From my grand summit of old   
 Left to sit in my silence once again
 Where time alone taught me  
 Between the slides and heartaches  
 Was what I finally came to realize, is   
 We’re just colliding mountainside mirages
 That broke free from our life… for a second  
 
  Poet of the Light © 2020 
  We are crumbling pyrite...