Finish us

It seems in these current days

I don’t have much to say… except

What a wicked game time tends

To cruelly play- in lives of life

Taking away love and happiness

Unlike in your arms, where I felt born again-

Wholly, tempered, finally justified

Where truth and lovers live

All- I can hope now is

You’re better off there than here

We were once so close,

When it comes to closeness

Now reality feels like those

Wide open spaces between us

Where I still dream we’ll run

Someday, so we can live- love

Even though it’s as if

Only my eye sees this falling rain

That has taken over the reins

Of my bleeding cold nights and days

Oh- now I barely feel those cold drops

Drip slowly away through my hands

Where the heat of our passion collapsed

Warming our moist palms, again and again

You know- the enormous amount of pain

It takes for a single teardrop to weep

Is nearly humanly unfathomable but-

Comes all too easily for me, since you’ve gone

Oh- how God and I know just how bad

You’ve let me down- and left to drown

Yet- still I wanna love you, incessantly

That faint sound my heart makes now

Is because of how- you’ve bruised

My soul- so unexpectedly

As that haunting, haunting silence in-between

These heartbeats- is where you’ve carelessly

Broken me, repeatedly- in all my memories

And still- here I am, a wiser fool, Baby

Waiting to love you- ever foolishly again

With all, all that I have…left unbroken with

Made to believe

How do I explain;

How do I reveal the pain;

You’ve caused through me?

At first it was like a carousel

Moving past life in laughter

For first time children- until

We abruptly stopped in hell

To even depict its bitter truth

Would make me more like you

And I rather, remain- myself

Oh God I was better off alone

Better off not knowing

How easy some can pretend

Why’d you do me this way;

Why make us a foolish mistake;

Why did you have to be- you?

Oh you felt like a dream

My heart has longed for

If only, if only- if- only

You knew, how to love…me

Before after

No matter how hard I try

I can’t get past, missing you

It has become all too familiar

Like that moment in time, just before

Everything that matters- changes

The gravity of reality was too much

To bear even for my reluctant tears

And like my heart, they fell, splattered

“I miss you” couldn’t begin to cover

The raw scars left in your place

To accompany those moments

I’ve regrettably have come to hate:

A plethora of moments before

Cruelly subsequence your departure

Before I learned my invincibility

Was found cloaked in your arms

Before I knew your love for me

Could touch so deep- within

Before the taste of your lips

Would become my only hunger

Before the pain that now defines me

Reminds me, I simply can’t endure

Before every bound memory of you

Also binds all happiness I’ve known

Even now my brave tears cling

To the endless redness of my eyes

And like that micro moment before

Dawn blushes color of the next horizon

I feel your cold absence…ever more

Beleaguered

I can feel those fiery-tips rising

Across the scars buried deep within

That returning storm of darkness

Has once again found where I subsist

This is how the past keeps me chained

As I pray for soothing rains instead

How can I ever live;

If all you do is sabotage who I am?

If only I could control the lightning

You use by way of hurtful words

I’d send them back in your direction

But you’d have to feel something, first

I won’t let you make me into your image

Not that you could recognize it…anyways

Blemished windshield

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

Heartfelt ways

Today- all while waiting

For the night to be delivered

I watched Red Maples leaves

Surrender, to the wind and fall

Like giant colored snowflakes

In a seemingly gentle whorling

Of a Mother Nature’s whisper

They let go, one by one and all

Believing

How I know so well, that feeling

Wanting to cling and be free

Being caught up in something

Daring and yet not ventured

Far too great for me to escape

As my love- for you

Even after I fell so easily

Into a whisper of your essence

Unafraid

And long after you’ve left

I’ve laid here beside myself

Withdrawing every since

Surrounded by pure darkness

How so apropos- when

Only- the moonlight

Has ever witnessed, the hours

Of my hearts excruciating pain

And it had to hide itself away

So we both could- cry- alone

Unashamed

And long after time itself

Slowly takes me away

My love for you will remain

Waiting for the moist touch

Of your long missed whispers

That brought me life and love

Whence once- it called forth…my name

Times province

A moon that made everything matter

Until luminous of all star colors, fell

Out of those blues, life and I- changed

I felt the sizzle of the reining sun itself

Crash into an ocean; darkness became

And all of time itself- drifted away

Then in times wake came an aphotic zone

As love arbitrarily changed its face

I lost its warmth and its full mainstay

I- like a fog lost- within times frame

Hovered aimlessly over; whats not mine

Staring into the face of a frozen lake

I didn’t want to know nor recognize

And as I tried to embrace a dejected cold

My tears fell like a flurry of snowflakes

My kaleidoscope heart no longer controlled

Death comes to me, in a darker, slow- eternity

Oh how inhumane! Such natures mirrors reflects

And what is; isn’t at all, what we’d ever expect

The story on her face hurt worse

Than any of the words, she couldn’t say

Love was over and I summarily evicted

While her stuttered whispers, cut me

And I still feel their sting yet today

Even after all these dark caustic years

With those very same cloudy tears

Blinding my shattered eyes, not my mind

To the full truth of all these things

That will never let me go- and why I know

I’ll never get to hold- her- close again

Not in this life, or that untouchable way

Oh- my- God! How it hurts to my soul

Even now, in these unwelcome moments

As it wreaks havoc and I feel so selfish

Leaving my silenced heart feeling…homeless

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