After letters Nov, 22

After letters

Nov, 22

Cold air swirled about the near-silent darkness as the moonlight fell through a bare glaze frame near my blanketed feet. Ghostly whiffs of your sausage gravy and biscuits teased me for a while as I laid on your side of the bed while staring out our big window watching giant snowflakes crash into our frost-covered landscape. It’s almost hypnotic and at times, I admit I get lost within it all.

I finally talked myself into getting up to light a fire and make coffee and write you during my ritual mornings. No- don’t worry, I took time yesterday to cover all your flower and vegetable beds. After all these years here, I had an inkling winter would be coming early. I still recall how much effort you used to fuss over them like dependent children. Sometimes I can almost hear their sad mummers in the summer breezes while I rock away sleepy sunsets, all part of our life here simply missing you dearly. I know, it’s no one’s fault and part of God’s plan.

Got our first snow of the season early this morning. Not sure it helped much if any overnight where those firefighters have been all week, over there on Anderson Gulch. Word was everyone was evacuated in time. The animals were all taken to farmland nearby. They’re mountain people like us. Even if they lost their barns and house, they’ll dig in and rebuild their lives as if nothing happened. So long as they have each other, just like we did after our first long winter. Strange how when one of us felt like packing and heading back to the plains and towns, the other one of us would inspire strength and keep us resolved to see our dream here through, together. It’s really one of the best things I miss about you, your delicate voice, like a signature song to my heart.

Well- as you know by now, winter is well on its way, and I must head out and split more firewood. Dawn is about to peek, and you loved how I enjoyed watching her splendor spilling over our summit, along with her warm glow touching me. That and how she’ll always remind me… of you.

After letters collection.

Unsung Heroine

Most of my traumatic life was lived

One dire storyline at a time

Expressing disappointments

Or fresh heartbreaks of my life

Cynics thought friends; laughed, and say

It’s time boy for you to turn the page

Leaving me face down on the ground

As they all easily walked away

But you never could or did

And helped erase dark times away

Until your life burned out too soon

So, dear child when it comes to you

Nothing’s ever going to feel the same

And I just can’t… turn that page

Restless

Jenna called to tell me you crossed

Think I felt my soul trying to follow

It was like my universe just stopped

Never needed your embrace- more

Then I did in that frozen moment

Sometimes I think I’m still there

Sometimes it’s too hard to swallow

Nothing about this made any sense

God, I wish I didn’t know how it felt

I don’t think it’s ever going to leave

It’s like an inhuman cruel hollowness

That no place in a time of no returning

Echoes inside my heart each morning

It’s like morning promise… without a dawn

Stranger Me’s

Hung head, hands in my pockets

Brisky summer mornings

Silence isn’t always golden

The grey fog rolls in heavy and soft

As a beacon’s light glows

Under a tenebrous atmosphere

And I walk along- alone

My footprints drown some

Shadows and wakes collide

Hard-to-swallow waves break

I can feel it all in my bones

Knowing you the way I do

Remains the only reason I still hang on

Yet, I get lost- sometimes…in-between us

Polarities

There are mornings I get lost

Staring out over the horizons

As if I’m watching my life play

Ignoring its memories, we made

Trying to comfort those feelings

Unaware tears have been falling

Nothing prepares you for- gone

Words sound foolish and wrong

Even if some sentiments are pure

Pain can’t distinguish life past hurt

I’ve felt fires that were a bit cooler

I’ve felt no words that cut me deeper

Making friends with your finality

Is beyond anything left here… in me

Captors vs saviors

Other visiting seasons: dissimilar

The ones of interchanging parallels

Without certainty which is which

I may feel more like a faint hologram

Switched on or off by apathetic eyes

Passed through like casual darkness

Vacant despite my obvious presence

Political prisoners have more rights

A voice that’s attentively listened to

Even if the prisoner’s demise is preset

Loved ones are the worst of captors

Stealing our forgiveness and hearts

Still, I pray daily for no negotiator

True self can’t succumb to be…lessor

The list

As soon as misery moves in to reside

You instinctively try to hide, everything

To create new do’s and don’ts for yourself

While a double binding of startling shock

Offering your ignored intuition- reprieve

Alongside a secret glow of fresh ridicule

An emotionally scarred withering of- life

Especially if, only you know it still hurts

So, you pretend- healed, grin- moved on

To recapture even a semblance- of pride

Akin life before your tragic heartbreak

To live in betrayal of lied bitter truths

Love feels so far from reality and desire

As you seek to overcome… tear by tear

Passages

I’m living what has been foretold

In words, examples, and metaphors

Of days of my youth and triumphs

Of broken promises and tears cried

Of love- when it visited for a time

And of enduring broken heartaches

I’ve heard Hawthorne’s whispers

As they rustled through the trees

Then quietly slide down shadows

To eventually sit here next to me

Neither did we speak to each other

But we shared an understood peace

I understood far less than I really knew

But I always sought to secretly improve

Stupidly hoping; none be the wiser of me

But as the adage claims; I had my bliss

In mind, intentions, and my heart alike

Odd how we change into someone else

One day far too soon for me even now

I’ll be the forgotten time…I borrowed

Eternalized dawn

After shedding hails of platitudes

That rang more like veiled excuses

There come these quiet moments

I set aside for an intuitive visit

Where I feel somewhat bewildered

As if I’m part of some Parliament

Of observant but rouge Night owls

Scattered about forgotten landscapes

Reexamining musty leftover yesterdays

Looking for introspective answers

To pending questions no one else dares

As I try to nurture my own nature

Of enlightenment and scarred truths

I’m so thankful to have had… you

Incumbent

There are a great many things

I’ve managed to acclimate to

The good, bad, and even untruths

Some admittedly easier than others

While some, I don’t care to remember

But- there are a few things in my life

I just don’t accept, I- I simply can’t

A couple that defies even my own will

Via obligatory power of the universe

Power that taps fools and heroes alike

A line, threshold, or that bridge too far

It pushes you to that point of no return

Much like love that we- claim to gift

In my mindset, love can’t be… bridled

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