Negotiating

Tell me- can I meet you some way

Between now and your last day

Even if we can’t touch each other

Cause I miss you and need to talk

Heart to heart like we lived before

When I’m all alone I talk out loud

Hoping it might help you hear me

But now- deafening silence hurts

As much as losing you- still does

I try to hold on without letting go

You know I can’t pretend with love

To see your image or hear your voice

Refills the empty gulf… I wade now

Magnetism

Fallacies with lessons learned

Seem to be a lose fitting truth

We misuse to teach all others

While personally ignoring it

What do we pursue so alluring

Within any threatening storm

Approaching us from horizons

That we tend to childishly peek

Pretending there isn’t any harm

Instead of finding some security

And knowing full well the perils

To all others as well as ourselves

As we gleam at amiable attributes

Forgetful smiles hide…narcissist

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Explication

There are just some things

We discover unexpectedly

That can summate so much

Speaking on behalf of our hearts

Or maybe our lingering thoughts

Morning was duller than normal

And coffee had infused the air

Something felt off, yet still right

So, I sat at the table in my chair

Staring out of the framed pane

I noticed a cloudy mist stalled

Directly over a meadow chasm

I thought to myself, how apropos

Mother has hung up…my portrait

Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com

Found

I’ve swam in course guilty rivers

Not because it was ever deserved

Love risk suffering for loved ones

Or beaten against cynical boulders

That refused me any sort of refuge

And I swallowed the bitter bubbles

Of caustic and manipulative ploys

As you marginalized my held hope

One day you’d feel my love’s value

But my worth got lost to teardrops

That fell into the cold truth currents

As you stood deaf and about faced

My fear imagined the darker finale

Until my love saved me… from you

Predisposition

Not all of my life’s segues

Were considered hospitable

Nor as seamless as I’d like

Some changes are like dreams

But some darkened nightmares

And too often I’d find myself

Forced into a hyper-vigilant mode

To escape an inevitable drowning

Beneath cold unrelenting waves

That I would much prefer to float

Destined to an unchartable location

As if I were an unmoored sailboat

Outside my wildest imagination

Where every breeze was a whisper

“Go until you’ve reached… forever”

Perseverance

On various occasions, I’ll sit

When there are no new words

For what the eyes have witnessed

Or what the soul feels in waves

And my loudest utterance is

A large inhale, then a slow exhale

As thoughts chase after memories

And memories recollect lost dreams

Scars obtained during one’s lifetime

Remain after an injury took place

But the pain- it becomes a shadow

That won’t leave our consciousness

Life is a punctuation of moments

Some unwanted but some… precious

Symphonic

Drops stream my face

Without known cause

It’s without any mistake

That with the right persons

And in the right places

And in the right times

My soul feels this- music

That my mind can’t fathom

It’s soothing and cathartic

And I feel a belonging- to

Like witnessing blooming

Of Cherry Tree Blossoms

We also see their petals shed

As if their souls left… perfected

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Alterations

There are a few moments now

That filter out- of unnuanced ones

Perhaps dressed as semi-truths

Conclusions of pondering questions

That sought “what if’s” a lifetime ago

I was of a mindset for new beginnings

As a man, as a father, as a life member

But that changed in losing a loved one

My universe shifted, shuddered, stalled

Now I feel moored to a destined harbor

A ship that seeks no need of new sails

Nor any bellowing winds to capture

Now I sit, staring out at grey horizons

Replaying my life on… present tapestry

Apportion

It’s a queer thing to one’s sanity

Innocuously glance in a mirror

Have your image question you

Of your legitimacy in the present

But after a few peculiar moments

I realized I lost something valuable

Or I really should say- someone

That center point of my universe

Which lead to my erratic compass

Leading me in the wrong directions

Often on the punctuated right days

Twas my image, but not my spirit

Methinks that spirit recalibrated me

Evidence, she’s still… my guidance

Fulgurate

Time is now my heartless jailer

Holding my full essence hostage

In hopes to force my transition

Through a loss- I refuse to abort

From my mind, soul, and heart

Marginalizing all my principles

That’s guided well my love forth

For not capitulating effortlessly

To their dark antithetical scheme

Swallowing of some bitter canard

And view life’s prism differently

To weaken who I’ve always been

One would think a loss is enough

But regardless of what they want

My love doesn’t halt… its mission

Free picture from Unsplash

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