Carried

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They don’t tell you how harsh

Losing someone loved, forever

Really can hurt your heart

Caught up in a sea of emotions

Through our unbroken connection

I still rise and fall so unexpected

Flashes of our moments come

Reflections on the face of my tears

As I lose the will of pretending

I can fake it alone until I make it

I’m learning I’m lying to myself here

As time only deepens, a hurting scar

Still in the deepest depths of pain

You and I will always remain…alive

Street cells

My motivation has slipped by

To a wayside, of wait and see

The world reflects how I seem

My whole universe has changed

Leaving me behind in shadows

Surrounded by walls I don’t know

None of which know my secrets

Nor any of my fears or lost dreams

Familiarity makes all the difference

Between us friends and or foes alike

They’re newer strangers in reality

And I- an orphan, wade out- life

I abhor hugs from showy strangers

And their utterance’s… of inanities

Starless

There are those of us, accustomed

When bright lights start burning out

We acclimate as best we’ve learned

But its never easy, to say the least

Still- our world gets a bit darker

But that in itself isn’t really new

We’ve been trough many of storms

Each of them left us scarred, somehow

The scars replaced our missing pieces

Though we oft pretend to be the same

It’s easier when no one notices anything

Losing loved ones- our greatest values

Not all brokenness is on the surface

Eventually, we’ll be left… to darkness

Porosity

Out of sorts, so to speak

Inside, the outside of myself

Listening to a distant train

As it slowly makes its way

Through snowy mountains

Until it gets lost in cold silence

And deep sleeping echoes

The way secrets drift away

Into those forgotten places

Where beloved memories stay safe

Oh! if only I were a winter season

It seems love stays that secret

I still haven’t learned

Well enough to…hold on to

Honestly

When I- do love you

I wade deep into our emotions

I appreciate even the tiniest efforts

I live my quirkiness unabashedly

I adore all of yours admirably

I let you be yourself as you are

But should you throw me away

My love will weather it regardless

Only more hurt but at a distance

I’m guilty to a fault that way

Only pretentious love that reacts polemic

Couldn’t have been love, to begin with

Dynamics and degrees are different

Like childishness versus… immaturity

Graveyard

I wake up to a subdued twilight

Staring at me through the pane

My throat is dry and head hurts

I’m at a loss for any thoughts

As I shake off feeling overtired

I gathered myself up somewhat

Jacket and I slip into the streets

Blending into moving shadows

Beneath the stars and emptiness

I feel cold as hunger tugs on me

Scent of snow lingers in the air

I head for coffee at the open diner

Living a life story, I don’t want

Trying to find my way…back out

Exhaling

Almost nowhere left to go to

Except into the truth of you

Nothing left inside to hide

Nothing more to set aside

Time is slowly running out

I’m too tired to chase down lies

Or drown in doubting pools

I’ll leave it for you- to sort out

Just want to watch dawns rise

And settle down for the nights

Feel the breezes on my cheeks

Hear mellifluous whispers of life

In a way, only love can…speak

Unplanned things

I wanna live in a big house

That was made for visits

Where wallpaper never changes

And the ocean is steps away

After an indulgent breakfast

Where memories are made

And linger for multi-generations

Where long silent walks clear

Cold dreary morning fogs

And evenings are filled with fire

That warm you to your soul

Where you can get snowed in

But never feel its stir crazy

Where love is… in the air itself

Afterthoughts

I rush to get myself nowhere

Feeling like I’m always late

I feel my life missing things

As I sit around in the silence

Waiting on a colorful dawn

How else will I know to rest?

Sleeping tires me these days

I can’t shake feeling strange

Did I miss too many steps,

Or a road to the right bridge,

Getting me to this lost space?

I don’t really know anymore

I used to think I knew enough

That’s the nature of …lost loves

Mutated sunsets

Today the morning is laced

In a bittersweetness of grays

Its soberness can be tasted

On the fringes of realization

Some things are better left unsaid

So, I will take my unspoken with

As I pack up fragments of yesterday’s

And my tidbits hope of tomorrow’s

With broken promises and uncertainty

As I leave behind what is left of family

That could never fathom the depths

Of my perpetual love for them

I will nestle into a distant mountainside

To observe life slowly …slip from sight

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