Negotiating

Tell me- can I meet you some way

Between now and your last day

Even if we can’t touch each other

Cause I miss you and need to talk

Heart to heart like we lived before

When I’m all alone I talk out loud

Hoping it might help you hear me

But now- deafening silence hurts

As much as losing you- still does

I try to hold on without letting go

You know I can’t pretend with love

To see your image or hear your voice

Refills the empty gulf… I wade now

Explication

There are just some things

We discover unexpectedly

That can summate so much

Speaking on behalf of our hearts

Or maybe our lingering thoughts

Morning was duller than normal

And coffee had infused the air

Something felt off, yet still right

So, I sat at the table in my chair

Staring out of the framed pane

I noticed a cloudy mist stalled

Directly over a meadow chasm

I thought to myself, how apropos

Mother has hung up…my portrait

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Predisposition

Not all of my life’s segues

Were considered hospitable

Nor as seamless as I’d like

Some changes are like dreams

But some darkened nightmares

And too often I’d find myself

Forced into a hyper-vigilant mode

To escape an inevitable drowning

Beneath cold unrelenting waves

That I would much prefer to float

Destined to an unchartable location

As if I were an unmoored sailboat

Outside my wildest imagination

Where every breeze was a whisper

“Go until you’ve reached… forever”

Alterations

There are a few moments now

That filter out- of unnuanced ones

Perhaps dressed as semi-truths

Conclusions of pondering questions

That sought “what if’s” a lifetime ago

I was of a mindset for new beginnings

As a man, as a father, as a life member

But that changed in losing a loved one

My universe shifted, shuddered, stalled

Now I feel moored to a destined harbor

A ship that seeks no need of new sails

Nor any bellowing winds to capture

Now I sit, staring out at grey horizons

Replaying my life on… present tapestry

Apportion

It’s a queer thing to one’s sanity

Innocuously glance in a mirror

Have your image question you

Of your legitimacy in the present

But after a few peculiar moments

I realized I lost something valuable

Or I really should say- someone

That center point of my universe

Which lead to my erratic compass

Leading me in the wrong directions

Often on the punctuated right days

Twas my image, but not my spirit

Methinks that spirit recalibrated me

Evidence, she’s still… my guidance

Fulgurate

Time is now my heartless jailer

Holding my full essence hostage

In hopes to force my transition

Through a loss- I refuse to abort

From my mind, soul, and heart

Marginalizing all my principles

That’s guided well my love forth

For not capitulating effortlessly

To their dark antithetical scheme

Swallowing of some bitter canard

And view life’s prism differently

To weaken who I’ve always been

One would think a loss is enough

But regardless of what they want

My love doesn’t halt… its mission

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Disproportion

It’s like I no longer fit in myself

Time, a most careless container

Nothing is right since you’ve left

Feels like I’m too constricted now

My bindings of life are too tight

It becomes hard to breath or even

Mutter out your name in silence

Causing my eyes break into tears

Revisiting memories, we’ve shared

Laughters in undeniable triumphs

Hearing every single conversation

Back to the moment of your birth

Emptiness, a wayward companion

When your soul has lost someone

Grief oft feels like I’m… imploding

Photo by Gantas Vaiu010diulu0117nas on Pexels.com

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