Eidolon

If I thought

For more than one

Of the many brief seconds

That tease my mind, daily

Pull at my heartstrings

And trick my eyes

That you could

That you really would

Metaphorically- catch me

I would have fallen fearlessly

Into the presence arms of yours … already

Mindlessness

The cruelty seems inhumane at times

To a heart and long-sleeved emotions

When unexpected illusions seem all too real

With those sporadic visits of sound kindness

As connectiveness becomes the conduit

That oft resparks one’s acute inner interest

Long enough to create a new longing

After feeling a little bit less- darkly broken

But- end up feel like a renewed wasteland

Someone has visited like a place of respite

Not leaving so much as a note in their absence

That only you seem to have taken notice of

That, and the eerie sound of shallow breathes

Whilst staring out rosy windows at … barrens

X-factors

Have I done love itself all wrong;

In my most immature of nature;

Or has love wronged all my heart;

Thereby breaking my inner spirit?

Tis too confounding of many variables

For me, for I will not be controlled

And controlled offered me no quenching

For any craving that simply acquiesces

Perhaps the environment was wrong

Or the sun too high on those rainy days

Where my shadow got lost, along the way

Perhaps that is why I thrive in darkness?

How I’ve thirsted for what I should not

A found lost friend that knew me not … at all

Unquantifiable

I cannot begin to count, even now

How many times we restarted- us

Or how many times I eagerly forgave

Ignoring the fresh wounds and scars

You wanted more than was possible

But nothing would really be enough

Nor did you comprehend, my love

I was too blind to really realize reality

You and our love, could not be saved

I treaded water in the wrong direction

Trying to save what was unreachable

I fell in love with uncontrollable chaos

It felt like home inside my broken soul

It hurt me the utmost … to let you go

Finer soil

I really didn’t think I’d get over you

But one day at a time, came true

Summer became winter into spring

A few stumbles of time learned aged

Oh, it’s not my heart don’t still break

Whenever something reminds me of us

And how we once lived a life of love

You cannot break it any worse today

A heart never really gets tough enough

To withstand fractures that hurt deep

It will just never heal the same it was

I learned that don’t mean I can’t love

By pouring out all that ugliness within

To recreate something beautiful … again

Baby girl

Five steps to what seemed my one

It wasn’t long, her wisdom took over

As she suddenly let go of my fingers

She took off- hurrying barefooted

Back and forth down the sidewalk

In her version of a drunken sailor

Sunlight danced off her curly hair

Sundress and excited arms were flying

Giggles added to her growing charm

Her laughter was certainly infectious

I swear, this girl was born half angel

You could tell by her half tooth smile

The first time she really tasted freedom

She has been chasing after it…ever since

a/k/a Daddy

Lacerations

What is experienced is always real

Only their perceptions can be fallible

You simply don’t forget an earthquake

Or a massive divide opening before you

It said, things do wane over some time

But only in accuracy of that statement

Platitudes prattled never heal anything

They’re just cursory placebo’s cynics offer

I know fully the depth of my love gifted

As well as its breadth in embracement’s

It stems from my soul and all I’ll ever be

Until you treat me like yesterday’s confetti

It’s not my heartbreaks lessen any in pain

Or that the pain has magically weakened

Not when it comes to the truth of my heart

For every fracture and crevasse, tells a story

Oh, trust me, I do still unabashedly cry!

My tears have just lost enthusiasm to drop

You’ve broken those things in me that loves

Wounds… require loves unfathomable touch

Offing

Unexpected doesn’t begin to define it

It was like tectonic plates shifting

Each teardrop shed was a mixture

Of disappointment and full disquiet

Unleashing a humanistic reality of hurt

I was completely helpless to stop it

A newfound void ushered in your place

The ways shadows overtake- presence

Causing my erratic heartbeats to echo

In those repeated resounding fashions

And I felt my solid inner self, crumble

Like a humbled mountain befalls to a pile

I could hear the foreboding tsunami roar

And knew my life was about to be … darker

Still listening

Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com

It goes without saying, all alone

I’ve never forgotten one moment

Of the love we created, embraced

Like eternal flames in the winds

As we danced upon life’s razor’s edge

Invincible- within each other’s arms

And convinced we owned- forever

Colorful galaxies beheld in our eyes

Merely a kaleidoscope of our brokenness

Oh! skips of my hearts pitter-patter

Knows exactly what I do mean

And how selfishly I tearfully wish now

I would’ve captured the breathes

Of each of your whispers… then

Pearls of presence

Oftentimes a shadow of loneliness visits

It is not as ominous as it might sound

At least in this context here, for myself

We have- what I’d call deep conversations

Having come to terms with our unique roles

And not meaning to sound schizophrenic

Or someone suffering from hallucinations

But we all have a past that doesn’t let go

Nor does it forget, even if we pretend, ignorance

It seems wiser to make friends with old ghost

Then drive yourself absolutely insane

For not appreciating treasured moments alone

It is in these times I relish playing the host

On my terms, and so I can slowly … let go

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