Barrowed

 

Oblivious to nature of the galaxy 
How it toils on without permission
However, we do notice of its presents 
When that infamous tolled bell rings 
If- I hear echoes of the bell tolled 
I know, twas not for I- not this time 
Yet- and none the less I am lessened 
Of whom it tolled in reconciliation
To notably lose an unmet friend 
In a most eerie but secretive silence 
That often can have a chilling effect
I should relax; loosen my tense cringe 
Recollect my lost train of thought, as if
Nothing at all happened… when it did  

.
Poet of the Light © 2021 

Re: Ernest Hemmingway
For whom the bell tolls~

Flesh and bone

August charred anything breathing 
Especially if you went out after dawn 
Everyone thought I was just reading  
Biding my time but silently dreaming
Of love dipping in midnight passions
Dehydration plays with imaginations  
I used to wait mostly by the window 
Watching that amberoid ball lumber  
Around suppertime she’d be glancing
Between those ivory sheer curtains  
An hour later she’d go out for a walk 
I be out there- conveniently waiting
Summer sweat dripping of my body  
She’d smile and wink; I followed along 
Down a dirt road to the fishing pond 
Summer heat needs some cooling off 
But man! I was just warming up 
No one noticed we were missing 
Their laughter’s echoes in the breeze 
But I sure wasn’t missing anything 
Her pale skin glowed in moonlight 
I was convinced she was all goddess
A pair of bare silhouettes splashing
Churning up more than shallow waters
More than a simple boy could handle   
Her hair danced in the setting sun 
Amber tinted black just like molasses
She could have colored me blind 
I tell you, I wouldn’t have minded
My soul was flirting with danger 
Nearing midnight, she lit us on fire
Time after time I nearly lost conscious 
I was willingly caught in her clutch 
Only the good Lord could have saved me 
But thankfully, he was just far too busy 
My whole childhood; coming undone 
She took me to insanity … and then some 

Poet of the Light © 2021

Abridgment

Sunlight had nearly been suffocated

As gray clouds and smoke tripped

Over the hidden mountainous ridge

I stood there, brazenly upon its tip

Of the precipitous rocky summit

Defying gravity and my own sanity

Shield-less from the blinding light

And a teasing intangible winds touch

As it prodded at my skeletal frame

Like some devil hoping for my demise

Palpitating heart remained constant

There before me; the face of an angel

Eyes like fields of sparkling emeralds

I was spellbound to the ignorant point

I turned bluish inside my scattered mind

That I- almost forgot to breath- outwardly

When insanity abruptly took hold of me

As if possessed by some other elder self

Blurting out… “care to go out later?”

Hybrids

Oh ye woman of my dreams that visit me

Like a zephyr only my heart knows

And hides behind a veil of fogginess, hear me

I was taught all of mankind was born with a soul

But, another vision like you has come and spoke

I’ve learned- they were misleading many

They needed humanity not to know- absolute truth

And I accepted and swallowed their lies too

Like a child does it’s mothers milk

Eagerly seeking satisfaction I knew would come, fill me

Oh gluttony even then can still be a sin, unknown

To carry into all of eternities hollow halls alone

Twas most foolish of me, my weak humanism

No spirit resides inside like a hidden shadow

From a divine whisper at my conception called soul

Its vulgar, by design, dear woman, I tell you this

So much make so much sense- now that I know

My deep inner void and bouts of darkness

I could never drown even by spirited rivers

That have plague me like a quagmire since birth

That rage of thunders bolts that spears my heart

Storms of sorrow and insationable hunger

That ghostly thirst, ever present on thine lips

For that I do not have…nor can I ask- for it

I’ve learned now, the secret bounds, cursed some men

To do so, would taint it, taint me for all eternity

I’m alive for purpose not my own to pretend, to mimic

Like those who can fall in love like springs rain drops

To be tested, tempered by invisible fire that burns

A mission assigned, and set forth unknowingly

To be gifted- of that what I do not have

While possessing that which I do have, but cannot gift, as yet

Oh such truths can be bitter tasting I swear, dear woman

Oh Lord- why has thou bequeath me such a burden;

Only to laden me more so by learning- of its truth?

Woman I secretly utter now, I’m one: a treasure chest

Born with a gift of everlasting love inside, for one

But I have no key and cannot release it

Because I have no soul to call love to me

That holds the answer key, in her heart

Unblemished by truth, caring and moved within

A spirit enough of hers for two- humans

And open the chest: me-

By its only designed key…Love

Beleaguered

I can feel those fiery-tips rising

Across the scars buried deep within

That returning storm of darkness

Has once again found where I subsist

This is how the past keeps me chained

As I pray for soothing rains instead

How can I ever live;

If all you do is sabotage who I am?

If only I could control the lightning

You use by way of hurtful words

I’d send them back in your direction

But you’d have to feel something, first

I won’t let you make me into your image

Not that you could recognize it…anyways

Fraudulent

Love is simply a story being lived

However long or short it becomes

Whereas we, serve as pieces of art

However in most matters of love

Prologues may well be artfully absent

Or at the very least, somewhat deceptive

Nonetheless, It was truly far from amicable

One unsuspecting bright summer day

You finally left me the rain, voiceless

I ran out of words and human effort

Love with you demanded a tourniquet

My heart instinctively palpitated fretfully

As if I had walked a century- alone

I nearly felt the callouses on my bare soles

From our shared arduous peregrination

I breathed out heavily in a sigh of relief

Subsequently inhaling your wake of toxicity

That cloud of despair your love offered

Slowly sapping everything that was me

Oh- if I be a tree! surely death came next

I straddled the threshold of heaven and hell

Unbeknownst which was which anymore

All while my heart and mind vacillated

In a crude dance of emotions and reality

Just when I thought I couldn’t do anymore

Grace whooshed in to pull me back to life

Lovers should honestly boast a…prolegomenon

Shirt-sleeves

Mesmerizing everyone with your jokes

As if that’s the only thing they’ll ever know

And remember when it comes to- you

Masking all the parts of you unknown

Until you stared at me a moment too long

Oh how- I- couldn’t help myself then

I came to realize, you innocently let me in

Between all those cracks of your smiles

I could feel in me, your hidden sorrows

And my gentle tears welled with your secret

Cause little did you think I would notice

I saw how you keep all of it silent- close

Like an unfriendly ghost- you somehow own

Bequeathed by those who never accepted you

Whenever the world has finally, left you alone

Oh how- I- know those moments all too well

So afraid to open yourself up and to let go

Too unsure to trust someone, could finally come in

Fill that void of inner hollow with true love

With love, kept reserved from that bitter dark realm

That sent the real you in hiding, just to subsist

Within your hidden whispers- of hope to be found

By someone attentive enough to know us, by our silence

Oh how- I- recognize your smiles…brave performance

Bitten

From the very first moment

I became- most enthralled by her

As the sun lowered its colors

Before her dainty steps of royalty

As she moved like a goddess

At least, from my own perspective

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

Or how the wind teased her hair

Her lavender scented silky skin

That spoke like spells in my head

Eyes that sparkled when she spoke

I also learned much of loves magic

How it stalled me- infused me

All while daring my courage

To approach her, to talk to her

I felt flushed as my heart rushed

As if smiling wasn’t hard enough

Hell- swallowing felt like choking

Especially when she gazed at me

Me: my bubble of emotional confusion

I wanted to claim her, with permission

But my innate shyness wore me down

Until- we were forced to sit together

My male counterparts became jealous

And she used me to taught them all

Loves perchance by alphabet lotto

I became her whore in full attention

Obsequiously objectified at…merely ten

I speak for me- alone

There are times I read or hear people

Being overly inclusive, void permission

Assuming their experience is the same

As yours or mine, without asking a thing

Calling us- “Survivors” …no- not me

Nope, I refuse such a dishonest label

In part, upon the same moral grounds

Slaves refused a name from a master

Master’s that modified them forever

Something being attached to a being

Not of their making, nor their choice

Its an automatic open door for others

To use like an unexpired show ticket

Seeking to traipse through our ordeal

As if entitled, to interrogate our veracity

And all too often victimize us once again

Only to add to our burden of sensitivities

To strip away what God hadn’t intended

They’re pejoratives, plain and simple

Labels are not informative or definements

Of who the person is, or experienced

To impose such a lifelong obligation

Is not only cruel but humiliating inhuman

Besides, the person was rightfully named

For most, their name of origin, authenticity

Stemming from a bloodline of history

Beyond mere fellowship: but familyship

Something one can chose for themselves

On whether they want or not to take pride in

Not a shackle to be looked down upon

Nor pitied as if marked nonredeemable

And in need of share charitable emotions

Or clinical objectified; endless evaluation

Because some self-serving narcissist

Pontificates they can undo the experiences

Heal you by means of their modern science

Only to compound us with more intrusions

And when they all failed…blame the victim

Journey

I’ve walked a many of roads of truths

Only to be walled at their dead ends

Sat and pondered for my next move

Learning- moving was in itself progress

I’m bound to somewhere left unseen

Someplace that secretly calls to me

Its pathway yet remain most elusive

But I’ll know the place by its welcome

Between hear and there, wherever there is

I have much to acquire while unpacking

Life seems contradicting in its affirmations

Affirming those truths we prefer to accept

Surely I’ll stumble in to it in one of my days

Absolute truth be known…its where I made my bed

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