Beleaguered

I can feel those fiery-tips rising

Across the scars buried deep within

That returning storm of darkness

Has once again found where I subsist

This is how the past keeps me chained

As I pray for soothing rains instead

How can I ever live;

If all you do is sabotage who I am?

If only I could control the lightning

You use by way of hurtful words

I’d send them back in your direction

But you’d have to feel something, first

I won’t let you make me into your image

Not that you could recognize it…anyways

Fraudulent

Love is simply a story being lived

However long or short it becomes

Whereas we, serve as pieces of art

However in most matters of love

Prologues may well be artfully absent

Or at the very least, somewhat deceptive

Nonetheless, It was truly far from amicable

One unsuspecting bright summer day

You finally left me the rain, voiceless

I ran out of words and human effort

Love with you demanded a tourniquet

My heart instinctively palpitated fretfully

As if I had walked a century- alone

I nearly felt the callouses on my bare soles

From our shared arduous peregrination

I breathed out heavily in a sigh of relief

Subsequently inhaling your wake of toxicity

That cloud of despair your love offered

Slowly sapping everything that was me

Oh- if I be a tree! surely death came next

I straddled the threshold of heaven and hell

Unbeknownst which was which anymore

All while my heart and mind vacillated

In a crude dance of emotions and reality

Just when I thought I couldn’t do anymore

Grace whooshed in to pull me back to life

Lovers should honestly boast a…prolegomenon

Shirt-sleeves

Mesmerizing everyone with your jokes

As if that’s the only thing they’ll ever know

And remember when it comes to- you

Masking all the parts of you unknown

Until you stared at me a moment too long

Oh how- I- couldn’t help myself then

I came to realize, you innocently let me in

Between all those cracks of your smiles

I could feel in me, your hidden sorrows

And my gentle tears welled with your secret

Cause little did you think I would notice

I saw how you keep all of it silent- close

Like an unfriendly ghost- you somehow own

Bequeathed by those who never accepted you

Whenever the world has finally, left you alone

Oh how- I- know those moments all too well

So afraid to open yourself up and to let go

Too unsure to trust someone, could finally come in

Fill that void of inner hollow with true love

With love, kept reserved from that bitter dark realm

That sent the real you in hiding, just to subsist

Within your hidden whispers- of hope to be found

By someone attentive enough to know us, by our silence

Oh how- I- recognize your smiles…brave performance

Bitten

From the very first moment

I became- most enthralled by her

As the sun lowered its colors

Before her dainty steps of royalty

As she moved like a goddess

At least, from my own perspective

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

Or how the wind teased her hair

Her lavender scented silky skin

That spoke like spells in my head

Eyes that sparkled when she spoke

I also learned much of loves magic

How it stalled me- infused me

All while daring my courage

To approach her, to talk to her

I felt flushed as my heart rushed

As if smiling wasn’t hard enough

Hell- swallowing felt like choking

Especially when she gazed at me

Me: my bubble of emotional confusion

I wanted to claim her, with permission

But my innate shyness wore me down

Until- we were forced to sit together

My male counterparts became jealous

And she used me to taught them all

Loves perchance by alphabet lotto

I became her whore in full attention

Obsequiously objectified at…merely ten

I speak for me- alone

There are times I read or hear people

Being overly inclusive, void permission

Assuming their experience is the same

As yours or mine, without asking a thing

Calling us- “Survivors” …no- not me

Nope, I refuse such a dishonest label

In part, upon the same moral grounds

Slaves refused a name from a master

Master’s that modified them forever

Something being attached to a being

Not of their making, nor their choice

Its an automatic open door for others

To use like an unexpired show ticket

Seeking to traipse through our ordeal

As if entitled, to interrogate our veracity

And all too often victimize us once again

Only to add to our burden of sensitivities

To strip away what God hadn’t intended

They’re pejoratives, plain and simple

Labels are not informative or definements

Of who the person is, or experienced

To impose such a lifelong obligation

Is not only cruel but humiliating inhuman

Besides, the person was rightfully named

For most, their name of origin, authenticity

Stemming from a bloodline of history

Beyond mere fellowship: but familyship

Something one can chose for themselves

On whether they want or not to take pride in

Not a shackle to be looked down upon

Nor pitied as if marked nonredeemable

And in need of share charitable emotions

Or clinical objectified; endless evaluation

Because some self-serving narcissist

Pontificates they can undo the experiences

Heal you by means of their modern science

Only to compound us with more intrusions

And when they all failed…blame the victim

Journey

I’ve walked a many of roads of truths

Only to be walled at their dead ends

Sat and pondered for my next move

Learning- moving was in itself progress

I’m bound to somewhere left unseen

Someplace that secretly calls to me

Its pathway yet remain most elusive

But I’ll know the place by its welcome

Between hear and there, wherever there is

I have much to acquire while unpacking

Life seems contradicting in its affirmations

Affirming those truths we prefer to accept

Surely I’ll stumble in to it in one of my days

Absolute truth be known…its where I made my bed

Kneads

Like an unwanted flower

Mistaken for as a tattered weed

On the fringe in the wrong garden

I simply, want to live- that love

Others try to write poetry about

But can never seem to capture

In pictures nor mere words

Nor inflected by some ole

Mechanical punctuation

That can’t say the special things

Only a heart can communicate

A love- that expands the universe

In every breath, created and taken

By consummating lovers

Who’d rather give than take

More of themselves, the way

Only light and dark honestly portray

An unyielding bond that ignores

Temptational storms, only seeking

To bring us, broken promised rains

Oh Lord, hear theses my pleads

Send me into this realm of make believe

Where every second I have left

Is a lifetime in itself, that I live…Loved

Bio-mechanics

My doctors appointment instigated a medical emergency

It had been awhile since a was seen by a woman

Her most intriguing scent of wild lilacs stole my attention

Near my age with eyes of a vast unknown universe

As my new physician began checking my hearts health

She became puzzled looking and then nervous as hell

She called for help, nurses rushed skillfully inwardly

It seems- she found a most queer heart anomaly; erupting

Thankful I guess, her office was connected to the hospital

And I was rushed in for surgery; exploratory review

Trained triage center for the most severer of cases

I recall the annoying squeaky wheels of my gurney

As they reckously raced me down a maze of hallways

I’m positive; one point- we were traveling on two wheels

Just prior to the loud slamming of the OR doors

As my footrest crashed most forcing them wide open

I can still feel the cold of the wakes wind caused

Chaos was a symphonic motion of people in scrubs

A stoic conductor in a white gown snapped out: “stat”

None-one was looking more concerned than me

My heart beating its own lyrical-less worried song

Last thing I remember; a masked anesthesiologist

Instructing me to count backwards- from a hundred

As my mind raced with my panicked heart for an escape

Suddenly– I was unconsciously at peace in a fog of repose

No noise at all, even my slow thoughts seemed lighter

What followed next- was my conscious, slowly waking

Machines were fastidiously monitoring my life essence

People outside were calmly shuffling about to and fro

My throat a bit horse, my lips cracked and dry- I thirsted

Beneath blood soaked badges my swollen chest hurt

Unable to utter much, I began feeling a bit neglected

Finally came the doctor and nurse- boasting of an update

Once again I felt transported to some aeriform place

Her eyes, like a magical threshold I guess, I attentively listened

It seems that anomaly that she uncovered, was simply

My soul pitter-pattering love; me being a…romantic at heart

Too mortal

I’ve been lost and found, or so I thought

and life seemed happy in but, moments

Even the sun boasted with pure colorful joy

Rain was soothing on our bare skin, at night

but before I woke, you up and went- away

leaving me behind, lost, in a discarded shade

as if, I was just another kiss, untold by you

Now- every step feeling like a crumbling floor

I easily lost you and myself back in November

but when the month changed to May

I never even noticed- the change of days

Oh! I can still feel the crisp morning mist

that was left chilling like ghost on my lips

when reality alerted my sobering awareness

as rain drops fall more like snowflakes now

masking footprints where I alone walk on

and the sun secretly cries behind veils of gray

while I peregrinate this silent beach in memories

Knowing now- there isn’t enough ocean waves

that could ever wash you away from…my heart

Turbulence

My eyes failed me before I set about

while sand still encompassed my feet

as I lounged in shade of a Palm tree

naively believing in a face, I couldn’t see

Now- its nothing short of, turbulence

adrift amongst this cyanic desert

hidden deep below a sobered surface

I thirst for taste of fresh, pure water

All delusion of her mirage has faded

along with the waves of false promise;

her embrace of love would come along

and gently whisk me ashore to…home

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