Bitten

 

From the very first moment

I became- most enthralled by her

As the sun lowered its colors

Before her dainty steps of royalty

As she moved like a goddess

At least, from my own perspective

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

Or how the wind teased her hair

Her lavender scented silky skin

That spoke like spells in my head

Eyes that sparkled when she spoke

I also learned much of loves magic

How it stalled me- infused me

All while daring my courage

To approach her, to talk to her

I felt flushed as my heart rushed

As if smiling wasn’t hard enough

Hell- swallowing felt like choking

Especially when she gazed at me

Me: my bubble of emotional confusion

I wanted to claim her, with permission

But my innate shyness wore me down

Until- we were forced to sit together

My male counterparts became jealous

And she used me to taught them all

Loves perchance by alphabet lotto

I became her whore in full attention

Obsequiously objectified at…merely ten

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Needlework

 

Akin where the Cape Horn lies

Everyday I rise- and then fall

On but a razors edge unseen

Below the living surface

Demarcation of a soul lining

Pacific and Atlantic Oceans

Separated, to the naked eye

Much in the same way as

Death and life…neatly  sown

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Cortège

 

Adoring clopping of feet

Razzmatazz music plays

Through a thorny pathway

Markers- left unattended

It was a somber procession

All my memories in full tow

One after the other, slow-ly

Stepping like dead heartbeats

Across a barren heartscape

Leaving scarred fractures

Like spiderwebs, haunting

And their sound, echo-less

I’ve yet to toss my handful

Of dearth, in final acceptance

Our love had finally passed

But you always knew it would

Long before you fleeting on

Neglected: truth I must profess

You never came for its wake

Don’t worry, few did anyways

Never offering one last kiss

Your last, still ghostly enough

Nor sent a flower arrangement

In stillness, our love missed…you

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Onesie

 

Where to could I go;

Worn out now after you?

Who would want me now

After being tossed aside

As if I- became worthless

All because you deemed it so

 

Who could fill your void;

Albeit proven-cold and cruel?

Echoes of your condemnation

Still reverberate here daily

In laughter’s, as well as words

Who wouldn’t want that- erased?

 

I now agree, I was never your one

Someone who could give, endlessly

After all, you used all I was anyways

That’s your modus operandi, right?

Killing love and hearts in your wake

And I- was just another foolish…one

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Coquette

 

Echoes resound within echoes

My tattered empire has fallen

And the pretentious have fled

Even all sentient dust- settled

As time obtusely ticks waywardly

My breath still lives, in winds

Like whispers of love fleeting

That breezes through now and then

These skeletal remains, of all I was

That infamous caged source of my love

Was beating a rhythmic flame of desire

Before- she ripped it out all its colors

Her cold words acted like evil hands

And despair clouded in as an overcast

Adorned with ghostly images of her

Pernicious has stolen hopes throne

My frayed faith resting on the ground

Within the massive footprint…she’s left

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

In their shadow (excerpt-14)

 

There was something so ominous in the air; even the hair on my arm stood up. Unnaturally I languished for a huge swallow of high value tawny whiskey in a short glass at room temperature and a bar stool with music as part of the ambiance. Something decades earlier in my unsophisticated thinking might have considered, yet I ignored that urge and moved onward. Having quickly deduced it wouldn’t really have that unrefined placebo effect these days not to mention, I didn’t have any.

A few steps into the our bedroom suddenly felt unwelcoming in the moment I found her sitting on the bed, drinking with her head turned away as if she was angry- again. Smoke from her burning cigarette was filling the room heightened the suspense enough to stop me in my tracks. Before I could ask what was going on, her erratic sounds muffled in a broken voice of words as her bloodshot glossy eyes caught my attention. Maybe instinctively they tried to lessened the message I was receiving as my own eyes grew heavy and looked downwardly as if I was just yoked with an overbearing burden. My thoughts were over taken by the resounding pounding of my heart as it thumped faster the more she informed me of her unsavory cheating guilt and ongoing hidden addiction. I’d forgotten what round it was for us on the drug and alcohol issue but the cheating was the most painful. I recall catching myself; pretending to seem astute to all she was saying as I looked through blurring eyes at who resembled my heart unequivocally loved- her. Maybe I was having an out of body experience or it was a failed attempt to retreat to a place I couldn’t find within myself.

Time flew by instantly but in a backwards cacophony of moments, places, events and conversations where my unquestioning trust epitomized what naive love really means and looks like; from a hindsight point of view, where my preferred bias ran interference to what should’ve been obvious back then. I loved her too much to hate her and yet hate was trying to consume me, take control anyways, so I turned it inwardly somehow. I was confused as to who to blame knowing I would accept a portion, but how much? Perhaps it was a last ditch effort to make it seem like the selfless thing to do. I tried vainly to quickly absorb its dark pain as fast as I could, rise above it all as if I was unscathed by it. Hours became days that became lost time in a subsistence realm. So much so I couldn’t see I had become anchored to it all. Little did I realize it was taking me deeper into a more profound vortex sense of uncharted ugliness. Polluting rhyme and reason so as to make my life an out of sync reality, further and further from my cognitive grasp until I was abandoned alone on an island of a new aberrational sense of normalcy. The emotional pain and truth didn’t get worse nor better, so I clung to it, fearfully- like a life preserver. I suppose in many ways it was at the time.

After all this time I’m still unlearned which was worse; the gut wrenching truth or inhuman lies being uttered from those lips that permitted me to believe I could degust bliss from them like an unearned gift. This is what happens when you love, I mean really love someone wholesomely with all your heart and soul. It unmistakably feels polemic to anything resembling the nature of love. Such a love doesn’t selfishly discard any further pain by parachuting from the relationship because fear shouts the plane is going down and now its every heart for themselves; at least not in my little bubble. I suspect its why most people couldn’t begin to even fathom the thought of allowing themselves to dare such an authentic venture into real vulnerability. To risk loosing even yourself through the heart and care of another is logically preposterous, unless you honestly intend for it to last forever, and all without the social safety net of some prenuptial agreement to pretentiously save you from…a haunted heart.

Poet of the Light © 2019

Soulicide

 

O’ Lord, how my

Emotions have sinned

They wouldn’t listen

To me nor reason

Nor any argument, said

Like an animistic scholar

It knew better than to

Give pause to its pulse

Surrendering its all, freely

To a goddess of a flower

Surely one of my readers

Will dare to save me a seat

Amongst all the others

As a last ditch effort- to avoid

The crowding into…hell?

 

Poet of the Light © 2019