Significance

Change is something to be logically feared

But also, to be understood and respected

It is in these fashions, we get to appreciate

Our full connective relationship spectrum

Reveling toxicity is an untenable association

Life’s duel intense edges serve one forged truth

And as much as we like to sever all toxicity

We often fear more about bleeding profusely

Or being cut from perfunctory bonds with others

And left abandoned to some unknown abyss

Fear can override logic and any courageous act

If we do nothing, we’ll fearfully die ever slowly

So, I posit, that if our death is truly inevitable

Shouldn’t we risk the chance to live love… first?

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Ultimately

I’ve endured lifetimes inside lifetimes

Measurable only by bruises or scars

Unaware of any noticeable distinction

Where one ended and another commenced

Or that triage became my way of living

Void understanding of love or life at first

Supposition and subsisting were as one

Life surely seemed a preordained course

And I had all I could do just to hang on

I fell from summits that I never wanted

And fell short of hilltops I only imagined

But the one thing I learned in real-time

Was how bad losing you forever hurts

Time slips off expeditiously …or painfully

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Venerated

We all slip into muddy puddles now and then

Some of us will worry the most about

How we’re seen or miscalculated judgments

While others of us will carry on like children

Paying little mind to what will wash out later

Caught up in our shared moments of laughter

I’ve learned that the apocryphal of others

Is of little or no concern to me or my truth

Bearing in mind that perceptions are snip-its

In life’s untimely captures that depict a collage

Of unknowable context beneath colorful layers

As treasurable chapters lived and loved separately

In an ever-changing world of values and cultures

Can only speak of my journey… not my character

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Strides

For the longest of inconsistent times

I’d remained near an escape avenue

I built out of necessity in former days

An accessible bridge to an off-ramp

Should I wake in foreign fogginess

And that plan has served me well

But intervened with newer growth

Recently I moved further from there

Adding distance from my older past

While adding a bit of solitude to my present

Sometimes old bridges need abandonment

So. a few extra seconds could be lived freer

As old ways became refreshed with life

To let old triggers become…new scars

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Unnecessary

It seems for all practical purposes

I feel I’ve finally settled into myself

The me I was created to become long ago

Despite my trek, my scars, and brokenness

After decades of being at odds with reality

I still feel incongruent in a transactional world

Unburdened but disconnected from my old life

As well as those who were a major part of it

While I still deal with their painful losses daily

I won’t capitulate to anyone else’s ideology

I’m in opposition the past bears no relevance

So- the present ignores everything about me

Freedom always comes at a price to be freed

For some, the cost may be … our former roles

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Subdued

At fraying times, it feels

As if your lingering fragments

Are the only things tethering me together

To my torn human fabric and memories

And at other times I lack sufficiency

Of life itself and or of my older self

Including my subtle insecurities

That have surrendered to the emptiness

Where your presence lived- unabashedly

All the echoes now reverberate hauntingly

In the fractured chambers of my soul

Time suppresses me to a mindless place

Because my love refused to let you go

By severing you from myself… forever

Outlier

Obtusely or otherwise

It matters not

The season or the reasons

Nor how many times I sit and wait

For dawn to champion the mountain tops

It’s obvious the void will not dissipate

And darkness is solidified deeper

As I remain unchanged by prismatic colors

And their warmth tends to be ineffective

For both of my past and present

And I hang my head in disappointment

As if I’ve just been childishly scolded

By a world that never understood

Neither me… nor broken love

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Deliberately

I’ve matured into believing

To love requires great courage

The kind one chooses to exhibit

In the darkest silence of aloneness

And I believe I’ve been courageous

But not because I love you regardless

But because I still love you each day

Just as much as my capacity ever has

While mustering the courage to wake

And faithfully go forward step by step

In nuanced ways of my sole existence

At least in so much that I’ve chosen to

Since your loss, no time has matched

A shared moment of life … with you

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Poetically

It was earth-shattering

But came on like a whisper

I kept looking for broken pieces

To shatter across the floor

In hopes of catching them

And somehow put them back together

The clock ticked- in echoes of silence

I was imploding but I couldn’t tell

I was fully aware but felt helpless

Grief is deceptive in that fashion

Nestles into our life like an old friend

That suddenly rips our hearts out

No amount of truth can refill the hole left

But we still dare to love… broken

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Discretionary

It can be rather frightening really

Battling an inevitable foe within denial

Where cognition and faith reside opposed

Both seek to defend an abstraction justly

Knowing only one side could triumph

Faith affirms that I won’t end up alone

And yet all the evidence indicates otherwise

While faith is about one’s spiritual soul

Understandment is about one’s state of existence

And from time to time, they’ll battle over truth

The only truth with two sides but in parallel lives

I’ve avoided misusing my love like a cheap ploy

Preserving it while at risk of losing another’s love

One requires I hold on; the other requires…I let go

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