Category: Grief

Negotiating

Tell me- can I meet you some way

Between now and your last day

Even if we can’t touch each other

Cause I miss you and need to talk

Heart to heart like we lived before

When I’m all alone I talk out loud

Hoping it might help you hear me

But now- deafening silence hurts  

As much as losing you- still does      

I try to hold on without letting go

You know I can’t pretend with love         

To see your image or hear your voice

Refills the empty gulf… I wade now

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Poet of the Light © 2023

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Amidst

I wake in my semi-lit bedroom

And it’s three forty-eight A.M.

For a brief second, I feel guilty

Questioning how rude of me

To expect a lamp to serve sentry

Without me so much as asking

As quickly as it came, guilt left

Now I’m back being thoughtless

While undecided if I wish to sleep

Or get up to meander ignorantly

In hopes, I’ll stumble into a use       

Ten minutes elapsed somehow

My greatest achievement for now

Moving from my bed… to blending

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Poet of the Light © 2023

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Predisposition

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Not all of my life’s segues

Were considered hospitable

Nor as seamless as I’d like

Some changes are like dreams

But some darkened nightmares

And too often I’d find myself

Forced into a hyper-vigilant mode

To escape an inevitable drowning

Beneath cold unrelenting waves

That I would much prefer to float    

Destined to an unchartable location     

As if I were an unmoored sailboat  

Outside my wildest imagination   

Where every breeze was a whisper

“Go until you’ve reached… forever”

.

Poet of the Light © 2023

Alterations

There are a few moments now

That filter out- of unnuanced ones

Perhaps dressed as semi-truths

Conclusions of pondering questions

That sought “what if’s” a lifetime ago

I was of a mindset for new beginnings

As a man, as a father, as a life member

But that changed in losing a loved one

My universe shifted, shuddered, stalled

Now I feel moored to a destined harbor

A ship that seeks no need of new sails

Nor any bellowing winds to capture       

Now I sit, staring out at grey horizons  

Replaying my life on… present tapestry

.

Poet of the Light © 2023

Fulgurate

Time is now my heartless jailer

Holding my full essence hostage

In hopes to force my transition

Through a loss- I refuse to abort

From my mind, soul, and heart

Marginalizing all my principles

That’s guided well my love forth

For not capitulating effortlessly                   

To their dark antithetical scheme

Swallowing of some bitter canard

And view life’s prism differently          

To weaken who I’ve always been       

One would think a loss is enough    

But regardless of what they want

My love doesn’t halt… its mission   

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Poet of the Light © 2023

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Disproportion

It’s like I no longer fit in myself

Time, a most careless container  

Nothing is right since you’ve left

Feels like I’m too constricted now

My bindings of life are too tight

It becomes hard to breath or even

Mutter out your name in silence

Causing my eyes break into tears   

Revisiting memories, we’ve shared    

Laughters in undeniable triumphs   

Hearing every single conversation

Back to the moment of your birth   

Emptiness, a wayward companion

When your soul has lost someone

Grief oft feels like I’m… imploding

. 

Poet of the Light © 2023

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