Sehnsuct

Photo by Nihat on Pexels.com

Most of my life I’ve waffled amongst

Pleasure, grief, or just unhappiness

But joy, in its truest sense of the word

Has always been rare and fleeting

At a very young age, I recognized this

And try as I might to explain it to others

My words often fell upon cynical ears

Love cannot exist without pure joy

That x factor lives outside our control

Yet, we can help heighten it for others

But never for ourselves, authentically      

Today I’ve realized all my lack of joy       

Is not of my doing or failures in life

Joy comes in due time… by special delivery

.

Poet of the Light © 2022

Advertisement

Unfulfilled

Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Pexels.com

Honestly, I really don’t know

If realization constitutes as regret

Or if I’m simply juxtaposing

Life I’ve lived with a life I didn’t

Or if I’ve learned what matters most

In living life to my utmost fullest

I can say, there are noticeable aspects

Missing from my heart and days alike

That reminds me I’m living less than          

My past potential and present likes

Despite all the changes that took place

Anything outside myself- I can’t change  

I’ve learned to love and speak from my soul

Where I am the truest at being… myself

.

Poet of the Light © 2022

Feathery

All of my life I’ve been searching

For the changes that I never found

In every upward and my broken downs

But I felt every failure in my soul

As I wept out my dreams in tears

While I recovered in dark shadows

Still- I believed in something greater

Even in those times, I stood all alone

Surrounded by echoes of laughters

I remained unchanged except for the scars    

Following a path, I never knew existed

Where I would often- fall down    

Most times I feel as if I’m still there

Like a loosen whisper… in the misty air

.

Poet of the Light © 2022

Empty twilights

I’ve stumbled through my life

Avoiding mistakes I made anyway

When I wasn’t looking for change

Now it doesn’t matter much anymore

Since you were taken away

Long before I could be prepared

For changes made, inside me

I feel lost and alone most days

In mono-conversations taking place

Waiting for something to remain

That picture perfect I’ll never achieve

Acceptance is too heartbreaking

And forgiveness is far too easy

When you live blame… as your name

.

Poet of the Light (c) 2022

Flushed

They’ll say to everyone else

That I’m better off this way

Out here on my own again

A bird in flight across skyways

Bound to a non-existent place

Strange people will say anything

To be paper heroes of their dreams

Not caring how it affects lives

When manipulation is their game

Not understanding- me- at all

Betterment ought to feel better

I must tell you, this surely doesn’t

If only people cared enough to listen

Some things are better left…undisturbed

.

Poet of the Light (c) 2022

Carried

Photo by Rodolfo Quiru00f3s on Pexels.com

They don’t tell you how harsh

Losing someone loved, forever

Really can hurt your heart

Caught up in a sea of emotions

Through our unbroken connection

I still rise and fall so unexpected

Flashes of our moments come

Reflections on the face of my tears

As I lose the will of pretending

I can fake it alone until I make it

I’m learning I’m lying to myself here

As time only deepens, a hurting scar  

Still in the deepest depths of pain

You and I will always remain…alive  

.

Poet of the Light © 2022

Révisions

Photo by Ardalan Hamedani on Pexels.com

Everyone has been a vital and

Intricate piece of my whole life

Albeit for a day or an eternity

My love for each one of them

Is impossible to be diminished

For me, that’s how “love” works

Where logic stops, faith arises

As I’ve recently discovered my life

Has become a tragedy in motion

Because I stopped fitting “the role”

Inside other peoples version of it

I refuse to capitulate; be typecast

So, I’m rewritten out of their stories

My heartbreak is… being disposable

.

Poet of the Light (c) 2022

Illuminations

Photo by Nicolu00f2 Pais on Pexels.com

They come in deluges

These thoughts and emotions

Kindled by what serves as

Subparts of my environment

The kinships that I depend upon

Modeling comfort and integrity

As I do for them instinctively

But their shades have darkened

Drowning me in their toxicity

At deeper depths than the last

Eroding away at a world I reside

As if I’ve become life’s fault line

Just imagine all the differences

Being encircled by hope… instead

.

Poet of the Light (c) 2022

Street cells

My motivation has slipped by

To a wayside, of wait and see

The world reflects how I seem

My whole universe has changed

Leaving me behind in shadows

Surrounded by walls I don’t know

None of which know my secrets

Nor any of my fears or lost dreams

Familiarity makes all the difference

Between us friends and or foes alike

They’re newer strangers in reality     

And I- an orphan, wade out- life   

I abhor hugs from showy strangers

And their utterance’s… of inanities

.

Poet of the Light © 2022

Absent affiliations

Photo by Sebastian Beck on Pexels.com

I watch fall’s amber dawn rise

Over the distant mountainside

In the sleepy corners of my mind

I hear faint pitter-patter of feet

Rushing into my awaiting arms

As a whispery voice calls, Daddy

Sunrays do illuminate snow cover

As my heart breaks a little slower    

Winter is truly well on its way here

As wispy winds dust off summits

I’ll envision sledding and laughters

That fills the empty halls of my heart    

Asking myself, how many more winters

Till I rush gates of heaven…into hers?

.

Poet of the Light © 2022