La malédiction

I can’t get out or stay out- alone

Outside light leaks through crevasses

Creating a heavy sense of murkiness

Each drop within my cave, echoes

As if they alone mark passing time

My memories of her are resilient

Not even time ablates their faces

And their dark shadowy followers

Are my beset, and broken emotions

That wants to trust and love again

But like a ghost left blindly abandoned

Only to be coaxed to remain within

This is the torrents of a love- that lost

A chasm, where once a heart lived

This place of which there is no escape

Until my fiery heart is renewed…or quits

Beleaguered

I can feel those fiery-tips rising

Across the scars buried deep within

That returning storm of darkness

Has once again found where I subsist

This is how the past keeps me chained

As I pray for soothing rains instead

How can I ever live;

If all you do is sabotage who I am?

If only I could control the lightning

You use by way of hurtful words

I’d send them back in your direction

But you’d have to feel something, first

I won’t let you make me into your image

Not that you could recognize it…anyways

Fraudulent

Love is simply a story being lived

However long or short it becomes

Whereas we, serve as pieces of art

However in most matters of love

Prologues may well be artfully absent

Or at the very least, somewhat deceptive

Nonetheless, It was truly far from amicable

One unsuspecting bright summer day

You finally left me the rain, voiceless

I ran out of words and human effort

Love with you demanded a tourniquet

My heart instinctively palpitated fretfully

As if I had walked a century- alone

I nearly felt the callouses on my bare soles

From our shared arduous peregrination

I breathed out heavily in a sigh of relief

Subsequently inhaling your wake of toxicity

That cloud of despair your love offered

Slowly sapping everything that was me

Oh- if I be a tree! surely death came next

I straddled the threshold of heaven and hell

Unbeknownst which was which anymore

All while my heart and mind vacillated

In a crude dance of emotions and reality

Just when I thought I couldn’t do anymore

Grace whooshed in to pull me back to life

Lovers should honestly boast a…prolegomenon

Shirt-sleeves

Mesmerizing everyone with your jokes

As if that’s the only thing they’ll ever know

And remember when it comes to- you

Masking all the parts of you unknown

Until you stared at me a moment too long

Oh how- I- couldn’t help myself then

I came to realize, you innocently let me in

Between all those cracks of your smiles

I could feel in me, your hidden sorrows

And my gentle tears welled with your secret

Cause little did you think I would notice

I saw how you keep all of it silent- close

Like an unfriendly ghost- you somehow own

Bequeathed by those who never accepted you

Whenever the world has finally, left you alone

Oh how- I- know those moments all too well

So afraid to open yourself up and to let go

Too unsure to trust someone, could finally come in

Fill that void of inner hollow with true love

With love, kept reserved from that bitter dark realm

That sent the real you in hiding, just to subsist

Within your hidden whispers- of hope to be found

By someone attentive enough to know us, by our silence

Oh how- I- recognize your smiles…brave performance

Soundless falls

Amber silently leaks between beset trees

Giving unending chase to a creeping fog

That takes- refuge within their shadows

Upending rein of night, silently escaping

Unrecognizable noises slowly give way

To a natural symphony fresh at play

All while I sit, listening to its soliloquy

Life- colorfully being on our fringes

Hypnotic stars, fade like cooling embers

Ten thousand wishes will die with them

But the well wishers will never be the wiser

And forget them as quickly as those stars

And much like those stars and this night

I find myself a fog, falling upon… twilight

Bitten

From the very first moment

I became- most enthralled by her

As the sun lowered its colors

Before her dainty steps of royalty

As she moved like a goddess

At least, from my own perspective

I couldn’t take my eyes off her

Or how the wind teased her hair

Her lavender scented silky skin

That spoke like spells in my head

Eyes that sparkled when she spoke

I also learned much of loves magic

How it stalled me- infused me

All while daring my courage

To approach her, to talk to her

I felt flushed as my heart rushed

As if smiling wasn’t hard enough

Hell- swallowing felt like choking

Especially when she gazed at me

Me: my bubble of emotional confusion

I wanted to claim her, with permission

But my innate shyness wore me down

Until- we were forced to sit together

My male counterparts became jealous

And she used me to taught them all

Loves perchance by alphabet lotto

I became her whore in full attention

Obsequiously objectified at…merely ten

Inclement

At times, I experience dark storms

That just unexpectedly blow in

From seemingly out of nowhere

Despite a promising dawns break

Which was ushered in, cloudless

I do my best as to hunkering down

From experience time has taught

A bit more prepared on each event

Never knowing how long it will last

Unsure if rain or snow will also follow

I’ve learned to embrace them in stride

Though there are pain filled moments

Damaged- memories radiating from scars

Pretending to appear healed- to others

For those of us who’ve been really hurt

I cling to the belief, love will reclaim me one-day

A love filled with understandment- forgiveness

But still- inside those darker moments, I wonder

Just how my life and lasting love could’ve been

Had I not been altered, become; collateral damage

For me,

just living love would truly be…enough

Breadcrumbs

I used to be bothered, being broken

Always sifting myself to be separate

Recognizing parts are lost from a whole

They serves different functions of purpose

I’m hardly ever politically correct

And know- when I’m am, its by accident

Perhaps its my natural aberrations

After all, I know I’m not a politician

I have no need to drive myself crazy

Flip-flopping akin, a fish out of water

Lying to one group just for appeasement

While secretly cutting tether of another

But remembering to wear stolen gloves

For when its time to point guilty fingers

It’s stands to reason to, just be honest

Without intentions of cruelness: diplomacy

Wouldn’t that be the real face of positivity?

Be empathetic and honorable, simultaneously

Why steep myself in a dark collective group;

That handcuffs anyone’s unique thoughts;

Or destroys their soulful gift of creativity;

Only to appear drowning in fake affinity?

Waves of harsh critics needing to oppress truth

Lies- unjust human second nature choices

Via fear, trying to escape culpability by words

Albeit, I’m oft found alone on many pathways

Finding they serve as a safe harbors, sorta speak

As I peregrinate my journeys, in all life’s seasons

At least I know they’ve been seized by integrity

Like a beacon amidst an ocean…of darkness

I speak for me- alone

There are times I read or hear people

Being overly inclusive, void permission

Assuming their experience is the same

As yours or mine, without asking a thing

Calling us- “Survivors” …no- not me

Nope, I refuse such a dishonest label

In part, upon the same moral grounds

Slaves refused a name from a master

Master’s that modified them forever

Something being attached to a being

Not of their making, nor their choice

Its an automatic open door for others

To use like an unexpired show ticket

Seeking to traipse through our ordeal

As if entitled, to interrogate our veracity

And all too often victimize us once again

Only to add to our burden of sensitivities

To strip away what God hadn’t intended

They’re pejoratives, plain and simple

Labels are not informative or definements

Of who the person is, or experienced

To impose such a lifelong obligation

Is not only cruel but humiliating inhuman

Besides, the person was rightfully named

For most, their name of origin, authenticity

Stemming from a bloodline of history

Beyond mere fellowship: but familyship

Something one can chose for themselves

On whether they want or not to take pride in

Not a shackle to be looked down upon

Nor pitied as if marked nonredeemable

And in need of share charitable emotions

Or clinical objectified; endless evaluation

Because some self-serving narcissist

Pontificates they can undo the experiences

Heal you by means of their modern science

Only to compound us with more intrusions

And when they all failed…blame the victim

Vitiaters

Its oft suggested

My hearts credulity

Will be its own fatal flaw

Bewildering my reality

This proposes to me

Love is only found

By loves…naysayers

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