While reading someone else’s blog today I couldn’t help but feel a connection between what I was inferring in-between their lines and recalling my own past lifetime of errors and or miscalculations. Albeit this blogger is a younger intelligent woman who seems to have an earnest heart but will from time to time expresses some of her days in words, perhaps to get feedback from the world at large, peer affirmation, and or maintain her sense of balance. Nonetheless, it became a prompt.
In becoming the version of who we want to be seen as to others, we often slip out of our authenticity and into a subjugating role(s) without noticing we traded off ourselves for appeasing relationships to others. We’re too afraid to be seen as vulnerable or lacking in some aspect that others might not like about our true selves. We hide our fraudulent faces by creating or leading others in something we’ve learned to hide inside, like self-promoting experts.
In a fashionable life (often transactional ones) we avoid what we know to be a distasteful truth as we opt instead to face towards the distractions in our lives to hide from that ugly truth, which will later be proven to be no different than drinking life away by the glass or taking compensating drugs, both of which over time they lose their efficacy, only to return us to our original struggle and our need to hide from our reality. And we’ll once again seek to find some newer distractive replacements until we’ve lost our mind or get lost inside someone else’s life choice completely.
Try for a few moments to place your real needs ahead of your current martyring responsibilities by identifying honestly what important needs are missing- to yourself in a clear convincing and authentic voice. But only if you can be attentive enough to listen for once.
Then grab that imaginary bitch’s broom and sweep out the broken eggshells on the floor. Sit the most important people in your life down and express without regrets that you need to be more than a participant shadow in your own presumed life.
Explain what changes you need to achieve personal fulfillment in your life’s mission. Justify why looking in the mirror and finding the real you is more important than finding who time has slipped you into for everyone concerned.
Then lead the changes in your life or… ignore what’s wrong and return to the daily grindstone and murmur a slow death.
As for me, I’m learning, somewhat, one of the hardest things to do in my life is to take care of only myself after taking care of so many others previously. It takes daily effort to unwind who I once was before, in part because that person is no longer required, needed, or wanted after changing in order for me to reconnect with my lost authentic self and true purpose.
Whispers of a poet's heart 