Strides

For the longest of inconsistent times

I’d remained near an escape avenue

I built out of necessity in former days

An accessible bridge to an off-ramp

Should I wake in foreign fogginess

And that plan has served me well

But intervened with newer growth

Recently I moved further from there

Adding distance from my older past

While adding a bit of solitude to my present

Sometimes old bridges need abandonment

So. a few extra seconds could be lived freer

As old ways became refreshed with life

To let old triggers become…new scars

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Cognizance

I’ve come to believe I seek a lost sense of ordinariness

That remains absent from my life in present terms

As my naked frail scars and internal battles wage forth

I get caught up in the warzone of preventing further trauma

Through the emotional inundation of unsuspecting others

In part as an empathic soul seeking to convert

My absorption of human ugliness over my lifetime

Into a more human sense of beautification

And from time to time, I’ll win some eccentric battles

Without forgetting the overall war will last a generation

So, I seek to alter the legacy left behind for others to inherit

In part as a martyr predicated upon an act of love

Knowing few if any will know or understand my history

To leave them a better chance of living love… eternally

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Tradecraft

There be narcissistic fragmentations

Still floating on the surface of my love

I could turn a blind eye in ignorance

But I know they may fester over time

They tend to block out the enlightenment

During my personal moments of reflection

That has served me like a sanctuary island

And provided me the safest place to purge

Decades of darkness and smug fingerprints

That may never be fully cleansed timely

I know my truth surely as I felt the damage

And now I carry the scars they left behind

But I will not carry their guilt or toxicity

I’ve been set free anonymously… as me

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Counted

I have come to depend upon you

More often than I’ve dared to admit

More so in the darkness and silence

When no other cared to remember me

When I may have been least deserving

When I’m filled with doubt about myself

In times when I hadn’t thought of you

As waves of egocentric ran their deepest

Or my preference overpowered my heart

Submitting to a majority instead of truth

Because fear can still strangle my strength

Until I fall upon the foundation of faith

And lay in the nakedness of my humanity

Your blinding Light of Grace…clothes me

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Inferences

Love knows no bounds or constraints

When its true origin comes from our soul

A double edge sword of truth people change

Time wafts in reacquiring breezes that blow

But eternal is beyond life’s unwinnable race

I sit and rock with faith in a near silence

I hear faint echoes of our last conversation

Then feel cold chills those words bring me

Like raindrops on glaze falling to give chase

Inside a mirror within a bad dream, I can’t escape

And I reminded why life seems to be emptier

Despite faking the normalcy, I let people perceive

Ebbs and flows or drowning and breathing

I’m waterboarded inside the time…of reality

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Unfiltered

I frequently mimic daily normalcy

A survivor tool most oft used in nature

To appear in looks like an odd predator

When evening moonlight reminds me

Of all the empty vastness and silence

That is left and lays between us now

Like some kind of blind rogue ghost

Yet- it’s the closest that I’m allowed

But in the uncomfortableness, it fits

Because morning breakage is far worse

Epitomizing your name in sunlit rays

And honestly, too honest to face alone

Oh, how life and love prey upon me!

Leaving me to perchance…on my own

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Ambiversion

I will courageously go about my weekly errands

When I can temporarily get lost among busybodies

Who will pause their causal agenda for casual visits

As they immerse themselves in some sense of normalcy

By paying no attention to my travels or my presence

Where they’ll only refer to me by the noun as a stranger

Following their childhood rule as someone not to speak with

And forgotten quickly in their overstimulated short-term memory

By which time I will have already retreated into my little hobble

To busy myself with unpacking and restocking purchased items

Tucked back into my unique microcosm of my subsistence

Where days and nights seamlessly blend into a timeline of distractions

Aided by decompression of sporadic sleep and lofty dreams

Of people I will never see again or new friends… I’ll never meet

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Adumbration

How my longing came to know you

Like each freshened sunrise spillage

That slowly and methodically crept

Into wet pores of my wounded heart

Till I was conquered by your presence

Pervading my every thought thereafter

You were all the things- foreign to me

And like an addict, I’d crave for only you

No matter how impalpable you seemed

Tasting your kisses in my moonlit hours

That swept me off into euphoric dreams

And sap me like pyre in my heart’s fire

While erupting my thunderous heartbeats

Only in that smoldering… does love find me

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Been

I never thought I’d live much past thirty

As I recall that was more than forty years ago

I’m not sure where I’m heading now or if I’m moving

But I can damn sure can tell you where I’ve been

I’ve been a friend to the end for far too many

I’ve been in love even after it finally broke me down

I’ve been chasing lofty dreams that manage to burnout

But I’ve lived a few into reality that made me feel euphoric

I’ve been damaged way past the point of restoration

I’ve been stuck with doubts but I always believed

I’ve been a son and a brother even if failed at being me

I’ve been where I see others are heading

I’ve been in second chances that I probably didn’t deserve

And I’ve been too young … to know any better

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SS Paramountcy

Oh, how the erratic echoes of my heart

Are like soul mariners sent out on a mission

Knowing full well they may never set in a port

Nor deliver precious cargo to their intended

Still, they break the waves in a wake of honor

There still exist some oceans of endlessness

Where a great many perished within rogue tides

Yet, my heart doth believe that its soulmate awaits

Reverberating answers to its own erratic questions

Beyond the horizon where time has never existed

Where darkness and shadows are a myth

Where all forms of inconsistencies are quelled

Where ports become everlasting homes

As our echoes are found by each other… to live love

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