Misconstrued

Thought I learned to express myself

And outgrow all my inner doubts

I thought time healed our wounds

I thought I knew what lost meant

And that sick bitter taste of regrets

Lingering after their guilt had left

Haven’t felt this kind of emptiness

Haven’t felt this kind of darken low

Haven’t ever felt this kind of pain

Haven’t felt this way since my youth

Always thought I could rise back up

Despite how broken inside I’d become

Thought I realized what haunting was

But I can tell you…I’m beginning to

Crestfallen

I’ve spent my full lifetime

Trying to express what’s inside me

You dismiss me like I’m worth nothing

But can you tell me where you were

During the times of my darkest hours

When I was alone broken and hiding

Misunderstood, deep inside myself

From dark people like you’ve become

Pray tell, who would’ve thought

That the people I loved the most

Would become my darkest storms

How could I scar those I deeply love

And still lived with what I’d done

I’d rather live inside…my silence

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com

Senior-ship

Banishment is a nefarious act

A well-thought-out prior action

Punishment for not capitulating

To expected whims of narcissist

Those who feel entitled to wield

Some false sagacity of superiority

Revenue of biased rationalization

Often fed by inner desire for revenge

Over a moral wrong done to them

Their victims are often not offenders

Who do not tolerate any trespassing

Most often, a pre-convicted person

That held a duty or legal obligation

Foiling earlier narcissist…trespasses

Inter-agent

Akin being born with an extra shadow

That instead dwells on the inside

Where I do battles for what’s right

Accordance and mood of my mind

And blurred mirror images of myself

With most of those times at a cost

Plus, emotional scars on my heart

So often- I’ve fallen on my sword

Protecting all those, I deeply love

Those with a disdain for who I am

My perfection isn’t perfect enough

So, they dress me down in my shame

And I reside out on the fringes of life

Far from view of their… darken eyes

Ironic

Little will you ever know

I stopped letting you know

That I hurt deep inside myself

Until I got tired as hell

Of your words making me worse

Instead of helping me heal

You were the reasons at first

And now you’re the reason at last

Making me- take myself back

One broken piece at a time

One day I’ll be finer than I am now

And you’ll be the reason how

I finally learned to let you go

Inside my last bitter tear…alone

Broad strokes

The morning is cold and gray

Feels like winter is on its way

Spring and summer are memories

And there’s a hollowness inside

Echoing back things about my life

I’m missing chances I let slip away

These echoes are reminding me

Not to waste another fragile day

Yet I still don’t know what to do

But chase after rainbows I can’t see

Slaying windmills found in my way

Looking for where I truly belong

Scarred, tired, and barely hanging on

I’m a man you’d have to love… blindly

Contrasing

Chiefly I evade the public sphere

Where everyone else is a politician

And grandiose is the dish of the day

Practicing their protracted reality

Yet I afford myself a tiny window

To peek out and secretly whisper

Purge ideas, emotions, and dreams

Like a child might from a bedroom

Feeling safer from feeling out of place

It is most peculiar- feeling the warmth

Radiate from your body, yet lacking

That warmth from someone you admire

If only people, we love wholeheartedly

Were forced to be warm… and giving

Junk drawer

The universe is indicative

Over time things gather

Whether naturally or not

Like dust or unsettledness

Like blame or projections

Like injury and suffering

Associated by coincidence

Or totally disassociated

People have bestowed me

My share like a repository

A collection of their scars

Left by their polemic hearts

Like some universe magnet

For things I don’t…desire

Not guilty

I used to argue with my other self

That self that never believed in me

Always interfering in everything

Making my life completely chaotic

And always dragging me down

But that self is no longer around

Now- I’m not saying it was murder

But I’d call it more like self-defense

It’s not my fault, I wasn’t myself

That self was just making me crazy

I went back to check out the scene

When I got there, there was no body

Besides no evidence of any crime

I’d just claim…temporary insanity

Leitmotif

There are those that we will love

From our unrestrained nature

Who seem obtuse to love’s value

Whether it is by choice or makeup

And these loved ones may hurt us

In multiple fashions of rejections

Some will pay love no mind at all

As if it is merely just another day

Others notice but remain quite

Intending to evade any mention

Either way, we feel it down deep

And it remains until we move on

If- our love is not unconditional

Then who is really hurting… Who?

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this:

Share this:

Like this: