Soundless falls

 

Amber silently leaks between beset trees

Giving unending chase to a creeping fog

That takes- refuge within their shadows

Upending rein of night, silently escaping

 

Unrecognizable noises slowly give way

To a natural symphony fresh at play

All while I sit, listening to its soliloquy

Life- colorfully being on our fringes

 

Hypnotic stars, fade like cooling embers

Ten thousand wishes will die with them

But the well wishers will never be the wiser

And forget them as quickly as those stars

 

And much like those stars and this night

I find myself a fog, falling upon… twilight

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Featherless

 

There are moments I feel compelled

To pack up and escape…something

Most would phrase it “getting away”

For me, at times, its getting to somewhere

Maybe, for a day or two, maybe a week

I just never know until, I’m packing

I oft like secluded places, I guess- to think

Which, ironically I do most frequently

It could be, I get bored with myself?

Perchance I subconsciously need a change

Or I hope to be randomly in the right place

For what- I’m never quite sure about

Which brings me to mention an event

I had the other day, a queer epiphany

Shortly after my arrival I went for a stretch

Now mind you, I rarely ever do that

But recently- I had stopped for a rest

After a ponderous walk by the waters edge

Always being sure not to get my feet wet

I took a dry seat on a bolderish shoreline

The sun: being low at this time of year

Was feeling rather warm for mid-day

And I- began feeling very thirsty

When I realized, in all my years visiting

I never so much as saw one Pelican bird

And I thought to myself, that was most odd

After all- this place is called: Pelican Bay

No memory comes to mind of complaints

In minor conversation I’ve encountered

By other visitors or even locals alike

One would think near the bulwark

Where they have a seasonal food stand

It would host a migrating flock at least

Perhaps, I’ve simply not been here;

If and whenever they may have come?

Perhaps further, they are more like love;

That for some, comes in rare seasons?

Perhaps again, that was also my message

By some divine intellectual intervention

On why as of late, whenever I peregrinate

Only one set of footprints are left behind

Perhaps what needs to really change for me

Is to truly quench, whats really missing?

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Metallic

 

You silently pray love steals you away

She smartly smiled- our eyes locked

Time froze my utterance and courage

Just as she turned and walked away

Everything inside me hoped she’d turn back

Thereby thawing my fear with a glance

I was so filled with tunnel vision

To be shamefully honest- I didn’t notice

As her and the train both departed

 

I wanted so desperately

For her to know and really see me

It almost felt misguidedly obsessive

The year we spent sporadically chatting

But I dared not foolishly show it

Not openly at least, nor even audibly

A dark fog of shyness simply concluded

She’d too easily reject someone like me

What could I offer her anyways?

As I’ve learned through past scars

There is a vast difference

Between love and apathy gifting pity

Through out random conversations

Akin friends and palpable enemies

Cautiously afraid of the others true strength

Or notice all they held in common

 

While one loves in spite of everything

The other loves only to hate their life

And sympathy lays itself out bare

An unbiased bridge to both, unfortunately

Which is why real love is oft found

Unprepared in a welcoming sort of way

Perhaps I seemed- too welcoming?

 

Nonetheless, I remained reserved

The way a dinner table collects time

As timeless music faintly fills the air

Waiting for her- and perfect moments

To collide with my secret adoration

And then loves conception begets us

Mired in candle flames and glances

Over carefully planned aromatic dinners

Adorned with filled bordeaux’s of wine

Degusting the sweetness of life

Rapid heartbeats and conversations

Unconscious visual tantalization’s

Steamy smiles and bit lip inferences

That strings forth- love being lived

 

Oh the curse filled heart of a poet!

To live a dramatic life, torn heartbeats

Dying one moment whilst humanly clinging

To the frayed tether of idealistic hope

That love will come rescue me, for once

So that irony and I- need not meet…again

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Needlework

 

Akin where the Cape Horn lies

Everyday I rise- and then fall

On but a razors edge unseen

Below the living surface

Demarcation of a soul lining

Pacific and Atlantic Oceans

Separated, to the naked eye

Much in the same way as

Death and life…neatly  sown

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Cortège

 

Adoring clopping of feet

Razzmatazz music plays

Through a thorny pathway

Markers- left unattended

It was a somber procession

All my memories in full tow

One after the other, slow-ly

Stepping like dead heartbeats

Across a barren heartscape

Leaving scarred fractures

Like spiderwebs, haunting

And their sound, echo-less

I’ve yet to toss my handful

Of dearth, in final acceptance

Our love had finally passed

But you always knew it would

Long before you fleeting on

Neglected: truth I must profess

You never came for its wake

Don’t worry, few did anyways

Never offering one last kiss

Your last, still ghostly enough

Nor sent a flower arrangement

In stillness, our love missed…you

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

In their shadow (excerpt-14)

 

There was something so ominous in the air; even the hair on my arm stood up. Unnaturally I languished for a huge swallow of high value tawny whiskey in a short glass at room temperature and a bar stool with music as part of the ambiance. Something decades earlier in my unsophisticated thinking might have considered, yet I ignored that urge and moved onward. Having quickly deduced it wouldn’t really have that unrefined placebo effect these days not to mention, I didn’t have any.

A few steps into the our bedroom suddenly felt unwelcoming in the moment I found her sitting on the bed, drinking with her head turned away as if she was angry- again. Smoke from her burning cigarette was filling the room heightened the suspense enough to stop me in my tracks. Before I could ask what was going on, her erratic sounds muffled in a broken voice of words as her bloodshot glossy eyes caught my attention. Maybe instinctively they tried to lessened the message I was receiving as my own eyes grew heavy and looked downwardly as if I was just yoked with an overbearing burden. My thoughts were over taken by the resounding pounding of my heart as it thumped faster the more she informed me of her unsavory cheating guilt and ongoing hidden addiction. I’d forgotten what round it was for us on the drug and alcohol issue but the cheating was the most painful. I recall catching myself; pretending to seem astute to all she was saying as I looked through blurring eyes at who resembled my heart unequivocally loved- her. Maybe I was having an out of body experience or it was a failed attempt to retreat to a place I couldn’t find within myself.

Time flew by instantly but in a backwards cacophony of moments, places, events and conversations where my unquestioning trust epitomized what naive love really means and looks like; from a hindsight point of view, where my preferred bias ran interference to what should’ve been obvious back then. I loved her too much to hate her and yet hate was trying to consume me, take control anyways, so I turned it inwardly somehow. I was confused as to who to blame knowing I would accept a portion, but how much? Perhaps it was a last ditch effort to make it seem like the selfless thing to do. I tried vainly to quickly absorb its dark pain as fast as I could, rise above it all as if I was unscathed by it. Hours became days that became lost time in a subsistence realm. So much so I couldn’t see I had become anchored to it all. Little did I realize it was taking me deeper into a more profound vortex sense of uncharted ugliness. Polluting rhyme and reason so as to make my life an out of sync reality, further and further from my cognitive grasp until I was abandoned alone on an island of a new aberrational sense of normalcy. The emotional pain and truth didn’t get worse nor better, so I clung to it, fearfully- like a life preserver. I suppose in many ways it was at the time.

After all this time I’m still unlearned which was worse; the gut wrenching truth or inhuman lies being uttered from those lips that permitted me to believe I could degust bliss from them like an unearned gift. This is what happens when you love, I mean really love someone wholesomely with all your heart and soul. It unmistakably feels polemic to anything resembling the nature of love. Such a love doesn’t selfishly discard any further pain by parachuting from the relationship because fear shouts the plane is going down and now its every heart for themselves; at least not in my little bubble. I suspect its why most people couldn’t begin to even fathom the thought of allowing themselves to dare such an authentic venture into real vulnerability. To risk loosing even yourself through the heart and care of another is logically preposterous, unless you honestly intend for it to last forever, and all without the social safety net of some prenuptial agreement to pretentiously save you from…a haunted heart.

Poet of the Light © 2019

Pharos

 

Steadfast as if I were a promised dawn

That carried burdensome raindrops it lost

After all this time, here amongst myself

Where life has rested as if- nearly- frozen

I could feel- the pull of your souls presence

How it captivates me so, that I opined you

Delicate as a flower yet heavenly like an angel

Beyond view of my set horizontal distance

But this demarcation of light and darken

Is fading to a dimness within my eyes now

Where blurred vision, fights its salty water

Anxiety has replaced my lofty anticipations

And my heart flutters- more often that not

Having weakened in belief that, you’re real

Still my soul cries out in aches of silent hopes

The way a candle flickers remains at vigil

As winds terrorize the open window panes

And my cold nights are adorned in snowfalls

Until truth of you saves me from…insurmountable

 

Poet of the Light © 2019