Timeless

Only half-of me, dared to watch

As you too quickly walked

While I stumbled for words

You disappeared, into fading echoes

In my heart I- followed you, immediately

But my mind always knew

The unmistakable bitter truth

And I- lived in it’s silence

Unloved by- the one, I couldn’t keep

And when the sun reined

I never felt anything, new

Living in the shadows- of wanting to

Starting over will never exist

For those who’ve kept…their hearts wish

Cliché

I drank from a cup of old shadows

Until I got drunk on my own thoughts

Fell somewhere in-between the seconds

Ticking away from a faceless wall clock

I used to collect hours of your touch

Now I only collect specs of fallen dust

As I float like some forgotten whisper

In a dream that only came to me- once

The best of who I was is now a ghost

Meandering in fragments of my hearts home

Following wisps of your imaginary image

Grasping words your breaths no longer breathe

Beneath a slow moving overcast skyline

Waves beat incessantly at shattered…ice

Finish us

It seems in these current days

I don’t have much to say… except

What a wicked game time tends

To cruelly play- in lives of life

Taking away love and happiness

Unlike in your arms, where I felt born again-

Wholly, tempered, finally justified

Where truth and lovers live

All- I can hope now is

You’re better off there than here

We were once so close,

When it comes to closeness

Now reality feels like those

Wide open spaces between us

Where I still dream we’ll run

Someday, so we can live- love

Even though it’s as if

Only my eye sees this falling rain

That has taken over the reins

Of my bleeding cold nights and days

Oh- now I barely feel those cold drops

Drip slowly away through my hands

Where the heat of our passion collapsed

Warming our moist palms, again and again

You know- the enormous amount of pain

It takes for a single teardrop to weep

Is nearly humanly unfathomable but-

Comes all too easily for me, since you’ve gone

Oh- how God and I know just how bad

You’ve let me down- and left to drown

Yet- still I wanna love you, incessantly

That faint sound my heart makes now

Is because of how- you’ve bruised

My soul- so unexpectedly

As that haunting, haunting silence in-between

These heartbeats- is where you’ve carelessly

Broken me, repeatedly- in all my memories

And still- here I am, a wiser fool, Baby

Waiting to love you- ever foolishly again

With all, all that I have…left unbroken with

Before after

No matter how hard I try

I can’t get past, missing you

It has become all too familiar

Like that moment in time, just before

Everything that matters- changes

The gravity of reality was too much

To bear even for my reluctant tears

And like my heart, they fell, splattered

“I miss you” couldn’t begin to cover

The raw scars left in your place

To accompany those moments

I’ve regrettably have come to hate:

A plethora of moments before

Cruelly subsequence your departure

Before I learned my invincibility

Was found cloaked in your arms

Before I knew your love for me

Could touch so deep- within

Before the taste of your lips

Would become my only hunger

Before the pain that now defines me

Reminds me, I simply can’t endure

Before every bound memory of you

Also binds all happiness I’ve known

Even now my brave tears cling

To the endless redness of my eyes

And like that micro moment before

Dawn blushes color of the next horizon

I feel your cold absence…ever more

Blemished windshield

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

Fraudulent

Love is simply a story being lived

However long or short it becomes

Whereas we, serve as pieces of art

However in most matters of love

Prologues may well be artfully absent

Or at the very least, somewhat deceptive

Nonetheless, It was truly far from amicable

One unsuspecting bright summer day

You finally left me the rain, voiceless

I ran out of words and human effort

Love with you demanded a tourniquet

My heart instinctively palpitated fretfully

As if I had walked a century- alone

I nearly felt the callouses on my bare soles

From our shared arduous peregrination

I breathed out heavily in a sigh of relief

Subsequently inhaling your wake of toxicity

That cloud of despair your love offered

Slowly sapping everything that was me

Oh- if I be a tree! surely death came next

I straddled the threshold of heaven and hell

Unbeknownst which was which anymore

All while my heart and mind vacillated

In a crude dance of emotions and reality

Just when I thought I couldn’t do anymore

Grace whooshed in to pull me back to life

Lovers should honestly boast a…prolegomenon

Adumbrate

In all I’ve done

To prove my love- for your

None- none- was ever as great

As I’ve come, to finally learn

In that moment…I let you go

Shirt-sleeves

Mesmerizing everyone with your jokes

As if that’s the only thing they’ll ever know

And remember when it comes to- you

Masking all the parts of you unknown

Until you stared at me a moment too long

Oh how- I- couldn’t help myself then

I came to realize, you innocently let me in

Between all those cracks of your smiles

I could feel in me, your hidden sorrows

And my gentle tears welled with your secret

Cause little did you think I would notice

I saw how you keep all of it silent- close

Like an unfriendly ghost- you somehow own

Bequeathed by those who never accepted you

Whenever the world has finally, left you alone

Oh how- I- know those moments all too well

So afraid to open yourself up and to let go

Too unsure to trust someone, could finally come in

Fill that void of inner hollow with true love

With love, kept reserved from that bitter dark realm

That sent the real you in hiding, just to subsist

Within your hidden whispers- of hope to be found

By someone attentive enough to know us, by our silence

Oh how- I- recognize your smiles…brave performance

Soundless falls

Amber silently leaks between beset trees

Giving unending chase to a creeping fog

That takes- refuge within their shadows

Upending rein of night, silently escaping

Unrecognizable noises slowly give way

To a natural symphony fresh at play

All while I sit, listening to its soliloquy

Life- colorfully being on our fringes

Hypnotic stars, fade like cooling embers

Ten thousand wishes will die with them

But the well wishers will never be the wiser

And forget them as quickly as those stars

And much like those stars and this night

I find myself a fog, falling upon… twilight

Featherless

There are moments I feel compelled

To pack up and escape…something

Most would phrase it “getting away”

For me, at times, its getting to somewhere

Maybe, for a day or two, maybe a week

I just never know until, I’m packing

I oft like secluded places, I guess- to think

Which, ironically I do most frequently

It could be, I get bored with myself?

Perchance I subconsciously need a change

Or I hope to be randomly in the right place

For what- I’m never quite sure about

Which brings me to mention an event

I had the other day, a queer epiphany

Shortly after my arrival I went for a stretch

Now mind you, I rarely ever do that

But recently- I had stopped for a rest

After a ponderous walk by the waters edge

Always being sure not to get my feet wet

I took a dry seat on a bolderish shoreline

The sun: being low at this time of year

Was feeling rather warm for mid-day

And I- began feeling very thirsty

When I realized, in all my years visiting

I never so much as saw one Pelican bird

And I thought to myself, that was most odd

After all- this place is called: Pelican Bay

No memory comes to mind of complaints

In minor conversation I’ve encountered

By other visitors or even locals alike

One would think near the bulwark

Where they have a seasonal food stand

It would host a migrating flock at least

Perhaps, I’ve simply not been here;

If and whenever they may have come?

Perhaps further, they are more like love;

That for some, comes in rare seasons?

Perhaps again, that was also my message

By some divine intellectual intervention

On why as of late, whenever I peregrinate

Only one set of footprints are left behind

Perhaps what needs to really change for me

Is to truly quench, whats really missing?

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