Blemished windshield

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

Fraudulent

Love is simply a story being lived

However long or short it becomes

Whereas we, serve as pieces of art

However in most matters of love

Prologues may well be artfully absent

Or at the very least, somewhat deceptive

Nonetheless, It was truly far from amicable

One unsuspecting bright summer day

You finally left me the rain, voiceless

I ran out of words and human effort

Love with you demanded a tourniquet

My heart instinctively palpitated fretfully

As if I had walked a century- alone

I nearly felt the callouses on my bare soles

From our shared arduous peregrination

I breathed out heavily in a sigh of relief

Subsequently inhaling your wake of toxicity

That cloud of despair your love offered

Slowly sapping everything that was me

Oh- if I be a tree! surely death came next

I straddled the threshold of heaven and hell

Unbeknownst which was which anymore

All while my heart and mind vacillated

In a crude dance of emotions and reality

Just when I thought I couldn’t do anymore

Grace whooshed in to pull me back to life

Lovers should honestly boast a…prolegomenon

Adumbrate

In all I’ve done

To prove my love- for your

None- none- was ever as great

As I’ve come, to finally learn

In that moment…I let you go

Shirt-sleeves

Mesmerizing everyone with your jokes

As if that’s the only thing they’ll ever know

And remember when it comes to- you

Masking all the parts of you unknown

Until you stared at me a moment too long

Oh how- I- couldn’t help myself then

I came to realize, you innocently let me in

Between all those cracks of your smiles

I could feel in me, your hidden sorrows

And my gentle tears welled with your secret

Cause little did you think I would notice

I saw how you keep all of it silent- close

Like an unfriendly ghost- you somehow own

Bequeathed by those who never accepted you

Whenever the world has finally, left you alone

Oh how- I- know those moments all too well

So afraid to open yourself up and to let go

Too unsure to trust someone, could finally come in

Fill that void of inner hollow with true love

With love, kept reserved from that bitter dark realm

That sent the real you in hiding, just to subsist

Within your hidden whispers- of hope to be found

By someone attentive enough to know us, by our silence

Oh how- I- recognize your smiles…brave performance

Soundless falls

Amber silently leaks between beset trees

Giving unending chase to a creeping fog

That takes- refuge within their shadows

Upending rein of night, silently escaping

Unrecognizable noises slowly give way

To a natural symphony fresh at play

All while I sit, listening to its soliloquy

Life- colorfully being on our fringes

Hypnotic stars, fade like cooling embers

Ten thousand wishes will die with them

But the well wishers will never be the wiser

And forget them as quickly as those stars

And much like those stars and this night

I find myself a fog, falling upon… twilight

Featherless

There are moments I feel compelled

To pack up and escape…something

Most would phrase it “getting away”

For me, at times, its getting to somewhere

Maybe, for a day or two, maybe a week

I just never know until, I’m packing

I oft like secluded places, I guess- to think

Which, ironically I do most frequently

It could be, I get bored with myself?

Perchance I subconsciously need a change

Or I hope to be randomly in the right place

For what- I’m never quite sure about

Which brings me to mention an event

I had the other day, a queer epiphany

Shortly after my arrival I went for a stretch

Now mind you, I rarely ever do that

But recently- I had stopped for a rest

After a ponderous walk by the waters edge

Always being sure not to get my feet wet

I took a dry seat on a bolderish shoreline

The sun: being low at this time of year

Was feeling rather warm for mid-day

And I- began feeling very thirsty

When I realized, in all my years visiting

I never so much as saw one Pelican bird

And I thought to myself, that was most odd

After all- this place is called: Pelican Bay

No memory comes to mind of complaints

In minor conversation I’ve encountered

By other visitors or even locals alike

One would think near the bulwark

Where they have a seasonal food stand

It would host a migrating flock at least

Perhaps, I’ve simply not been here;

If and whenever they may have come?

Perhaps further, they are more like love;

That for some, comes in rare seasons?

Perhaps again, that was also my message

By some divine intellectual intervention

On why as of late, whenever I peregrinate

Only one set of footprints are left behind

Perhaps what needs to really change for me

Is to truly quench, whats really missing?

Metallic

You silently pray love steals you away

She smartly smiled- our eyes locked

Time froze my utterance and courage

Just as she turned and walked away

Everything inside me hoped she’d turn back

Thereby thawing my fear with a glance

I was so filled with tunnel vision

To be shamefully honest- I didn’t notice

As her and the train both departed

I wanted so desperately

For her to know and really see me

It almost felt misguidedly obsessive

The year we spent sporadically chatting

But I dared not foolishly show it

Not openly at least, nor even audibly

A dark fog of shyness simply concluded

She’d too easily reject someone like me

What could I offer her anyways?

As I’ve learned through past scars

There is a vast difference

Between love and apathy gifting pity

Through out random conversations

Akin friends and palpable enemies

Cautiously afraid of the others true strength

Or notice all they held in common

While one loves in spite of everything

The other loves only to hate their life

And sympathy lays itself out bare

An unbiased bridge to both, unfortunately

Which is why real love is oft found

Unprepared in a welcoming sort of way

Perhaps I seemed- too welcoming?

Nonetheless, I remained reserved

The way a dinner table collects time

As timeless music faintly fills the air

Waiting for her- and perfect moments

To collide with my secret adoration

And then loves conception begets us

Mired in candle flames and glances

Over carefully planned aromatic dinners

Adorned with filled bordeaux’s of wine

Degusting the sweetness of life

Rapid heartbeats and conversations

Unconscious visual tantalization’s

Steamy smiles and bit lip inferences

That strings forth- love being lived

Oh the curse filled heart of a poet!

To live a dramatic life, torn heartbeats

Dying one moment whilst humanly clinging

To the frayed tether of idealistic hope

That love will come rescue me, for once

So that irony and I- need not meet…again

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