Rememberable

I need a life change of pace

To save what’s left of my heart

I never wanted to say to you

I’m lonelier with you here- anymore

You hide inside you little world

And there’s no place for me

You’ve made that clear- repeatedly

I embarrass you in front of your friends

You devalue me for asking questions

There’s nothing I could ever do to fit in

I’ve decided I need- someone like me

That looks past my built-in flaws

Someone that talks to me fluently

Someone that loves me…blindly

Without

I’ve never wanted to burden you

And I do understand what it is like

Navigating the perils of one’s life

I know I have many a time or two

I’ve chosen the folds of lone silence

To breakdown- without any witness

Few will understand my real why’s

And even fewer might dare to care

I cannot be your hero if you’re mine

Beyond measure or any known words

Which is why I speak from my heart

I know, you know it’s what I do best

We’re beset by miles our love overrides

Still, it’s the hardest…I’ve had to survive

Yield

My tears are blood drops from my soul.

I braved my heart when I was innocent

Wear nefarious scars- of my trespassers

Yet- forgiven things I just can’t forget

Made mistakes without a second thought

Broken what precious gift I should not

Drowned in loves tossed barren seas

And still, I thirst beyond comparison

Trodden the same dark paths repeatedly

While fearing- every step that I made

Wadded in the waters of true cleansing

Still- I’m beset to an unwelcome place

And would free myself in a heartbeat

If I could move the mountain…in me

Ambivalence

(shakes head) Just when

I thought I had said it all

I took a welcomed deep breath

The days and nights lingered

And you came back to mind

I don’t know why, now I’ve discovered

I’ve only begun to speak openly

Knowing I’m still broken

And I still hurt, just not as bad

But I’m finding my way alone

To whom I was, who I need to be

Baby steps over these deep cracks

I need desperately this path of patience

So, I can clarify any last…ambiguities

Back to bruised

Been down nearly every road before

Found they all lead back to here

Like a straight-line circle maze

Which is why I followed- you

Into a new mistake of a heartbreak

It’s been too long and rough road

I’ve dragged my heart down again

Following rude platitudes of old fools

Just to keep them from being lonely

It only proves- I’m still easily fooled

My heart open instead of running away

To that someplace I’ve never been yet

And it’s anything but easy for me to do

I just need me a strange… familiar face

Necessities

There’s simply nothing anyone

Could’ve truly said to me

That I would’ve listened to

My heart never does- you know

All part of loves lessons

I seem to put myself through

God knows, I hate the pain and still

I must choose- to love my way

Another scar, another heartache

Like all other hearts, taking baby steps

I trust, one day, I feel it in my soul

I’ll run fearlessly alongside

Like children laughing aloud

With a love that’s been… proven true

Heartsake

I see now, I’ve been mistaken

All this time I thought memoirs

Of our love played eloquently

In my mind when I felt lonely

That is not the truth borne out

Foolishly I limited love- itself

Your love in fact, stays at play

It remains imbedded within me

Every full breath of its existence

That- that is what sustains me

Giving my existence its purpose

Vivid touches imbuing my heart

Your precious love in continuation

Lives in my soul for… reunification

Maintenance-free

I resign that, I was created a certain way

For a certain set of unknown reasons

Till my skills are required in their moments

Which are often performed as impromptu

Like a refined humanized, self-fine tuner

Albeit, they’ve have aided my triumphs

However, they’ve also aided in my downfalls

I’m sure in my biased mind, I’d like to think

In some divine math it simply balances me

In a quaint fashion … I’ll never understand

Involuntary

There’s this distinctive residue

That clings to me, unceasingly

And I suspect it’s some sort of

Derivative of our broken love

Bits of you that seems to remain

Filling, if you will, damaged space

Where bits of myself once reined

Which then explains this emptiness

I feel in my being in each moment

Where once there was none noted

Teaching me, that- just perhaps

We’d fared better had there been

No love shared between our hearts

That’s made the both of us… lessor

Reluctant beats

Photo by Kammeran Gonzalez-Keola on Pexels.com

Permanent isn’t the one I expected

And I keep feeling it inside myself

Crashing between polar realities

Our dreams drowning in oceans

Incomplete doesn’t mean finished

Yet, it’s exactly where we’re at now

Letting go, of what you love the most

Feels like cruel insanity to my heart

Now, you’ve chosen for both of us

To go our separate ways- liberated

If it wasn’t for all this mad confusion

I’d know better way to say- goodbye

It must be said, losing you this way

Feels more like death… in slow motion

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