Undelivered

When I was young like a child

Love wasn’t anything to ever fear

I knew how elusive it was even then

But I didn’t care, and remained open

I grew up far too soon to ever know

Love can simply be so misconstrued

When someone controls its full truth

Turning love into irreparable harm

I settled for much less than I was worth

Accepted all the dark pain and the scars

And delivery of loves promised goodness

To heal my heart- to whole my brokenness

I desire to love like a child’s heart in silence

Waiting for healed promise … of fulfillment

Contemporaneous

My scars have recovered somewhat

Ashes of colorful futures fall amongst

This dust, through my shaky fingers

My fearless hopes in most all others

Still bleed profusely now and then

I still struggle to clear blurred vision

In this new and unwanted landscape

But- Truth be told, I can honestly say:

It isn’t just a heart alone that breaks

It’s all those whispered lofty dreams

And my irreplaceable broken trust

That I foolishly thought was treasured

It’s the full shattering of one’s world

That quickly imploded on me … all at once

Disregarded

Who was right, who was wrong

Doesn’t matter much anymore

Who we were, has simply gone

I couldn’t repair, what I didn’t break

And just because I walked away

Don’t you think that it doesn’t hurt

At least, any less than if I had stayed

I realized when something is so broken

Something else really had to changed

But I knew I’d never change my heart

God knows, I had to change my mind

And pretend- I didn’t care anymore

I may be alone and still broken inside

I’ve promised to give myself… healing time

Contradictions

We spent time in long conversations

Talking about our unfulfilled dreams

And how wonderful- it would really be

Having someone want the same things

Now you doubt what I say, I think

If my words- aren’t heard in kind

Then how can the feelings behind,

Their every whisper, be felt inside?

I just don’t understand why today

You say, the two of us is a mistake

It feels so strange- in this moment

To even being talking in this way

I mean what I say, and what I do

You go your way … I’ll go mine too

Paradoxically

Baby we really, really tried

Tried to hide lies in our eyes

We were both feeling inside

But our hearts were too wise

And saw through the disguise

We came to realize, it was time

Time to go our separate ways

Like seasons people can changed

Now each day I feel a little colder

Spring became a long shadow winter

How I miss more the flowery scents

You wore daily on your bare skin

I can’t help but wonder- secretly

If you’re happier now… without me?

Experiential

Time itself has numbing effects

If our minds remain complicit

Yet, there have been such times

Sadly, I’ve unexpectedly realized

Old wounds thought long healed

Just may rematerialize painfully

As all those memories come too

Learning that some of our wounds

Can never fully heal with time itself

Especially when the wounds wait

Substituting for what was stolen

Mindful innocents are unrepairable

We’re burdened bound to that legacy

Accepting that is … accepting healing

Fallible

We made foolish mistakes

That got in our love’s way

I blamed you, you blamed me

Truth was what we couldn’t see

Instead of forging a perfect love

Like we promised and both wanted

We grew better at creating pain

That was certainly our real shame

Scars live where our love used to

It’s something I’ll never get use to

Like those memories that won’t fade

My heart hurts each time… they play

Thoughtless

Some answers just never fit us right

Rambling in circles of a broken mind

The truth itself, can seem all to dark

And sometimes we must close our eyes

Cause we can’t stand nor stare it in the face

It’s bad enough, feeling so misplaced

I’d much rather hang my head, what can I say?

Tell me, where does the magic itself go to,

Once we notice that it has slipped away?

Tell me, how do you ever find it once again,

After you’ve already done, lost your way?

It’s not like a diamond you happen to find

Casually on your way sparkling in daylight

Or is it lost forever, like love to … finders’ keepers?

Past present

Pitter-pattering of raindrops

Melodically a secret language

Written in emotions and lost dreams

Only my blind soul can truly read

I still miss what I haven’t found

And wear the scars of what I lost

I learned every time I fell downward

Some people never really cared at all

Some pains are always worse than others

Which stems most from those we love

That adage: out of sight, out of mind

Just fruits from, a thoughtless heart

My intense lonely oft speaks silently

But loudest discovering … I’m their obsolete

Storm rider

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva on Pexels.com

I’m still here- somewhat

With all the broken shards and pieces

Cleaning up messes from faux love

Ones that guilt us into raw submissions

Each time it passes through our hearts

Mostly the dark ones, that allure us in

With their cunning narcissistic words

Dressed seductively as caring accidents

But really spotted us far off as targets

Veiling all those most obvious red flags

Most of the time a new storm often came

Before we finished cleaning up from the last

Or healed from our tender unseen wounds

Or maybe, it twas ones even before that

It seemed as if it was just a changed face

Cause hard as we’ve tried, we didn’t recognize

And some storms tend to linger on for days

Nonetheless, our hearts and us tread onward

In this humanistic journey we call- life

Me: I’m wiser; not living out of a storm cellar

Unarmed, I wear enough scars to be … invincible

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