Ambivalence

(shakes head) Just when

I thought I had said it all

I took a welcomed deep breath

The days and nights lingered

And you came back to mind

I don’t know why, now I’ve discovered

I’ve only begun to speak openly

Knowing I’m still broken

And I still hurt, just not as bad

But I’m finding my way alone

To whom I was, who I need to be

Baby steps over these deep cracks

I need desperately this path of patience

So, I can clarify any last…ambiguities

Back to bruised

Been down nearly every road before

Found they all lead back to here

Like a straight-line circle maze

Which is why I followed- you

Into a new mistake of a heartbreak

It’s been too long and rough road

I’ve dragged my heart down again

Following rude platitudes of old fools

Just to keep them from being lonely

It only proves- I’m still easily fooled

My heart open instead of running away

To that someplace I’ve never been yet

And it’s anything but easy for me to do

I just need me a strange… familiar face

Necessities

There’s simply nothing anyone

Could’ve truly said to me

That I would’ve listened to

My heart never does- you know

All part of loves lessons

I seem to put myself through

God knows, I hate the pain and still

I must choose- to love my way

Another scar, another heartache

Like all other hearts, taking baby steps

I trust, one day, I feel it in my soul

I’ll run fearlessly alongside

Like children laughing aloud

With a love that’s been… proven true

In motion

Various species of trees stand up

Like palisades to hide a lake life

On its outer rim in mixed bushes

Rooted well within a muddy soil

Death befell before life was lived

Only the stalks of immature trees

Serve as perches for birds in wait

Pierce through the watery surface

Where their thin shadows mirror

As a fog washes over their silence

Dining fish become a fowl’s lunch

Everything outside a near distance

Appears was wholly swallowed up

Until rebirth of the reining … sun

Picture prompt, YouTube piano video-“Tenderly”

Heartsake

I see now, I’ve been mistaken

All this time I thought memoirs

Of our love played eloquently

In my mind when I felt lonely

That is not the truth borne out

Foolishly I limited love- itself

Your love in fact, stays at play

It remains imbedded within me

Every full breath of its existence

That- that is what sustains me

Giving my existence its purpose

Vivid touches imbuing my heart

Your precious love in continuation

Lives in my soul for… reunification

Maintenance-free

I resign that, I was created a certain way

For a certain set of unknown reasons

Till my skills are required in their moments

Which are often performed as impromptu

Like a refined humanized, self-fine tuner

Albeit, they’ve have aided my triumphs

However, they’ve also aided in my downfalls

I’m sure in my biased mind, I’d like to think

In some divine math it simply balances me

In a quaint fashion … I’ll never understand

Involuntary

There’s this distinctive residue

That clings to me, unceasingly

And I suspect it’s some sort of

Derivative of our broken love

Bits of you that seems to remain

Filling, if you will, damaged space

Where bits of myself once reined

Which then explains this emptiness

I feel in my being in each moment

Where once there was none noted

Teaching me, that- just perhaps

We’d fared better had there been

No love shared between our hearts

That’s made the both of us… lessor

Reluctant beats

Photo by Kammeran Gonzalez-Keola on Pexels.com

Permanent isn’t the one I expected

And I keep feeling it inside myself

Crashing between polar realities

Our dreams drowning in oceans

Incomplete doesn’t mean finished

Yet, it’s exactly where we’re at now

Letting go, of what you love the most

Feels like cruel insanity to my heart

Now, you’ve chosen for both of us

To go our separate ways- liberated

If it wasn’t for all this mad confusion

I’d know better way to say- goodbye

It must be said, losing you this way

Feels more like death… in slow motion

Ripped

Our song just skips now

Cause that record is broken

And that ever after is gone

Oh, I need me a long road

Going easy on my mind

Just as kind on my soul

Nowhere special is just fine

If it’s peaceful and quiet

A trip that’s long overdue

That I’ve promised myself

Where temperatures are cool

If a sun still sets in the west

And my long shadows are true

When I stroll … on my own

Just kept

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva on Pexels.com

Seems funny I really don’t recall

The sun feeling so warm and bright

Oh baby, I gave it my all, and more

Waiting patiently for what I needed

But you kept dismissing- all of me

I held on to every piece of myself

You took away from my wholeness

While telling me to just get over it

Though you were taking all I gave

Open and free from my bleeding heart

But I kept promising daily to myself

Eventually everything would change

And I was right, cause baby today

I’ve gotten over everything…missing

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