Really

  Lately I feel like a dark cloud
 Drifting aimlessly along  
 I’d cry but I really feel empty  
 As I really miss the person  
 I had really thought you were  
 Really just goes to show you  
 First impressions can be wrong
 Going to take some adjusting
 In my mind and in my heart
 Acceptance isn’t always easy  
 And sometimes it really hurts
 Long after we’ve moved on  
 To the lie, it doesn't really matter
 Living a life of love is all I’m after
 I still believe it can really happen   
 Maybe I’ll stumbling into one
 Once this pain has really… gone  
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020
 
 
 
 

Out of sight, out of mind

 I’ll break free behind neon clouds
 When I know you’re not looking
 Not that you’d notice it anyhow  
 He’s really what you’ve wanted  
 But you ain’t getting anything  
 Left to the dark of your own heart  
 And you’re stranded- in between
 Your dreams and today’s reality  
 I know, I’m just the fools moon  
 You talk to when you feel alone  
 If you feel like far away company  
 It seems safer for you that way
 You really need to finally move on  
 And stop pretending that you have  
 You’re just a silly phase my heart
 Is mysteriously gotten locked onto  
 Before every new red dawn comes  
 And you’re back to wanting him
 Until I’ve become new and whole  
 I’ll go on being… your forgotten  
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020
  
 
 
 
 
 
 

Imperfection

 Purpose sifted into bag of dust  
 Midsummer twilight sprinkled  
 With sporadic stars and clouds  
 A watchful candle- burned out
 It’s been nearly two hours since
 I slipped off in a dreamy realm
 None of which I’ll recall later  
 Sleep is becoming burdensome  
 A luxury I can’t seem to afford
 I burn with an inner fervor, yet
 I shiver under but a thin blanket
 Charity of the lunar moonlight  
 That’s found me here somehow
 Her scent still present but absent  
 Only faint whispers of her voice  
 Remain lingering within my mind
 There’s vacant cold beside me
 Reminiscent of late fall shadows
 As the afternoon sun is falling off
 It wasn’t always like this, before
 When the promise of her words  
 Were spoken in a truthful silence  
 Of her actions, her kisses, touch  
 Now- all that is gone, she’s gone  
 And I’m left to carry on here, alone  
 With no compass guiding direction
 I- merely a heart… without an echo
 
  Poet of the Light © 2020  
 
 
   
 
 

Synthetics

  When first a flurry of white ashes
 Appeared unexpectedly, I smiled  
 Reminiscing of our days of play  
 Midnight bedroom pillow fights
 Morning making of snow-angels
 The first snow was vanquished  
 By a glowing amberoid sphere  
 Blooming out of the near horizon
 Warmth radiated in the ambiance
 As I strolled alone these streets
 A pale shadow followed along  
 Keeping me company I suppose
 But what was most telling to me
 Was the loud absence… of you  
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020 

After letters Aug 14th

Today wasn’t a good day as you may have noticed. I think the only mistake was my impulse to head down into the city for a change of pace. You know how I can become over eager even if it’s the littlest of things, like a shopping trip. Shhh.. I can almost hear you laughing out loud right now. God, how I miss that laugh and silly grin, like when you knew you were right about something but left me to learn it the hard way.

Everything was going fine until, I went into the department store for a bit of browsing. You know how I like to compare things and prices before finally deciding on what I want. Come to think of it, you were the only exception to that rule in my life. I wanted you as soon as I saw you and by the grace of God, I was gifted with not only you, but your unconditional love. That in itself was a miracle to me, still is.

So- anyways, as I was strolling through the aisles I happened to pick up the very same aroma as your homemade perfume from those flowers here in your garden and some of the wilds ones you spent days selecting. I must admit, I was ecstatic and reluctant both. I mean, what were the odds someone replicated your secret blend? I gave chase and yes- I desperately wanted to believe somehow a Déjà vécumiracle happening and I’d run into you all over again. I was deeply disappointed to find the source was another woman. Still, bewildered I had to ask her where she obtained such an appealing fragrance. At first, she was hesitate. I gather because she thought maybe I was flirting with her but then she relented and informed me, it was specially made by a woman up in the mountains. When she said it was gifted to her during her visit by sheer accident of wrong directions and she stopped while you were making a fresh batch, so you offered her a bottle. I had no idea you named it “touch of souls”. She must have thought me mad when tears flowed from my eyes. I quickly explained myself to her, your loss and she truly tried hard to comfort me. We both cried in each other’s embrace. She was planning on returning your favor in the fall. I quickly excused myself and sat in your car for a better part of the day. Scarred- I would break down and start weeping while driving. I couldn’t risk hurting innocent people. I had no idea I wept for so long. I simply knew I needed to get back here, where you’re presence is still present. I’m back at home, with you again. I think I’ll turn in early. I’m sure you’ll understand.

Poet of the Light © 2020 After letters collection

Moon shadows

 Here I am, recovering  
 At a slow pace, inside of me
 Between the dark shades  
 Of foolishness and shame  
 Far from your cutting words
 Out of your reach forever   
 Oh girl, you really hurt me
 Down deep inside of my soul  
 You’ll never know- just how bad
 Cause I’m never taking you back
 And these scars will remind me   
 Sometimes, the pain wins
 And I hide behind the lie, I’m fine  
 When I’m crumbling again
 Right there center of my heart
 Where your silhouette chases  
 After my inner feelings    
 And withdrawal of your touch, haunts
 The darker corners of my mind   
 Where I let you pretend, to love me
 More than I did, to myself  
 But those days are long over  
 Its only nights I have… trouble with  
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020  
   
 
 

La vie

 In depths of my own dark dearth
 All my hungers, my thirst- stalled  
 I stayed unmoved and unnurtured
 Safely imprisoned within myself
 Until I heard your… whispers call  
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020  
   
 
 

The one

 

 It can feel the painful seat  
 Coming here, to sit on this bench
 Where first you and I met  
 Just as fall, was beginning to fall  
 
 We joked with each other to hide  
 Our secret and inner brokenness  
 From the world of strangers
 Afraid of being seen, rejected  
 
  As the time spilled by unnoticed  
 We grew familiar and comfortable
 Like months had passed in those hours
 Laughter disarmed all our guards  
 
 But somehow, as if magically  
 You seen clear through me
 Into my raw and shattered heart
 You smiled, shedding a tear  
 
 It was in that moment I recall
 I saw yours, my lips quivered  
 I couldn’t dare utter the words
 How beautiful you were, to me
 
 Our regrets and fears suddenly fell  
 Like the dried leaves from trees
 You stood up to embrace me, kiss   
 At the same time I had wished it  
 
  Oh- if, if I- had only known  
 As you left, and looked back  
 That I should’ve been braver
 And chased after you back then  
 
 Would I still be carry that one regret  
 Of letting love slip away so easily  
(sporadic snowflakes begin to fall about) 
 In my heart, to here everyday ... since?  
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020  
 
 
 
 
 
 

Cause

 She’s in love
 Her heart has been moved
 Now she wakes up
 Smiling like a blooming rose  
 Life is finally feeling right  
 And when she dreams at night  
 She leaves her past behind
 Cause she’s in love  
 Her loneliness has faded
 Along with her mistakes
 Her broken heart is healing  
 And she understands everything  
 Like what love is and ain’t     
 Cause she’s in love  
 Glowing like a moon  
 Moving, like grace on Sundays
 And her sparkling eyes
 Are like diamonds on fire
 Only heaven could’ve made her  
 Her warm embraces  
 Can cure the soul's hurts  
 Cause she’s in love  
 With a new and true eternity
 And nothing can take her away
 Lips like a pure angel
 Voice like a songbird  
 She’s everything I want  
 Everything I dreamed
 She’s in love, but not… with me
 
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020  

Distinctable

 
 In my heart, I knew not to expect much   
 I knew this journey- would be arduous  
 By choice, by necessity, by blinding faith
 But being found by a pure love often is  
 I knew each step would seem impossible          
 Maybe until I fell into her arms- literally  
 But still, I had to take it, I had find out   
 After all, what was their to lose except
 More of the same unwanted nothingness
 That littered all my daily hours anyway?
 How would being loveless any different  
 Than accepting every faux replacement?
 Many will suggest and normalize settling  
 For nearly anything much less: sabotage  
 The taxing road would test my integrity  
 Even if only I- myself would really know
 Whether or not, I maintained my dignity
 I’ve fallen pray many of times in hopes  
 Being subjected to dishonesty, repeatedly   
 Battered emotionally, subjected to more
 Ridicule, temptation for the more lessor
 More conventional way of daily living
 But I’ve persevered by the grace of God
 Most times within my own set confusion  
 To have nothing to offer but love- itself
 Would take great deal of courage of trust   
 I must admit, what real journey compares?
 Can you image the woman who does dare?
 It's not for the faint of heart, that for sure  
 But, being found by a prayer is… priceless  
 
 Poet of the Light © 2020