Applied

There are those with good intentions

Wanting to help me, move onwardly

I often times feel their moved emotions

Between the words, they’ve bequeathed

I smile about their heartfelt fallacies

As I read comments or simple suggestions

All while knowing I’ll never take them

As I refuse to surrender any of the love

You and I still share- here in my heart

No matter how often I’m caused to weep

Openly or in sheer silence of this new self

We bore true witness to- one- another

Before our God and the whole world

Now, I affirm missed love…still matters

Deterministic

Scent of guilt permeates the air

Laced with a spent sweat perfume

Integrity felt somehow compromised

And echoing words, reverberate hallow

Mid-day, yet to me it felt shadowed

Much like a late wintery afternoon

I can recall the eruptions on my skin

As growing chilly winds gathered

They were only words, but unbearable

Not only to hear, and feel, but fathom

Everything has turned upside down

I became clueless about any position

We always defied the odds, you, and I

I never believed I’d live… to see you die

Precession

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Many have come to terms

But they really came to surrender

At least from my perception

I’m one of those- who just refuse

To let go in the face of grief

I’ve somewhat normalized loss

From moment to moment

To days, weeks, and so on

But honestly- how could I not

If that is the only real fashion

To keep you, front, and center

Near and dear to my broken heart

Where I’ve loved you for so long

Even if my wobbliness … let’s go

Overcoming

Overcoming

Much that I silently struggle with

In my daily’s, try not remembering

Regarding many things about you

From our shared loving relationship

Truthfully, I’m beset by many reminders

Starting at Dawn; your middle name

And gentle touches of ghostly breezes

Reminiscent of our missed messaging

Lowkey blend of intimate conversations

At odd places for specious coffee meets

Missed lively sits at local park benches

With children laughing on swing sets

Where I now sit alone watching sunsets

But secretly, I don’t really try… at all

Cells

Someplace in the continuum of time

Over the eons, throughout galaxies

Our existence changed- immensely

Brushing close enough to recognize

Your eternal soul and mine felt reborn

As we passed like two ships in a night

Realizing, we belonged to one another

As we tragically tumbled further apart

And my heart- searches every moment

Past or lived, for whit of your presence

Any meager utterances from your voice

Fragments of your vivid dreams of us

Anything to fuel my mere mortal heart

My love, my eternal soul… with hope

Chills

The mystics of human nature

Tend to be elusively misunderstood

Whilst I logically understand

I’m amazed that it really happens

Overtly catching myself- looking

As if I’m waiting for your return

As if I expect to hear your voice

As if I’ve captured a mere glimpse

Of your presence, however brief

I suppose in part, it’s expected

When you really love others- forever

When you believe, they’ll find a way

To reach out, affirming love’s faith

Affirming we’re still… with them

Tell-tale

Before dawn has dressed in colors

I’m curiously pulled from slumber

Prodded to peer out a glazed sheet

Covered in random dewy presence

Envisioning shapeshifting clouds

Of a moist quiet fog slowly uplifting

In their train of gossamer sheathing

Up across a mountainside shaded

Pondering: if the fog isn’t evidence

We’ve mistaken in simplistic terms

Dismissing any heavenly presence

Of lost loved ones, now our angels

That visit, while watching over us

Before darkness exploits… our hearts

Peerless

There are unseen things we accept

The air we breathe in and out

God and the immortal heavens alike

Falling temperature caressing our skin

Radiation of someone’s love for us

And that subtle congruent feeling

We notice when the world is just right

Which has been missing as long as you

So, it’s rather easy for me to conclude

You- served as my source of serenity

In my life, my heart, and every breath

I’ve struggled to recapture- ever since

But realizing this truthful bittersweetness

Is knowing in my soul… it’s too impossible

Quagmire

Insomuch as it’s strange to me

The queer way things just change

Someone does something different

Others notice; before long its normal

I got to say, not all changes are great

Like when you lose someone very close

Others tout it will make you stronger:

“Just hang on until it’s all over”

Little do they know, that’s a fool’s lie

You can’t be stronger if you’re hurting

You can’t mend if your will is weakened

I know enough about myself- inside

I’m nothing close to what I once was

How do I normalize… broken now?

Loves cipher

I do unabashedly admit

In those hard times- here

I sequester myself away

And walk about predawn

Building up my inner nerve

And having so much to say

To you- in quiet of solitude

That at times my lip quivers

My thoughts: at loss for words

I cling to anything that’s steady

As my tears speak in volumes

Knowing deep within my heart

You understand broken murmurs

When I’m too broken… to utter

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