Specail delivery

I almost feel a reverberation of stars sporadically spread across a vast darkness

And just as nearly, hear their cries of errant emotions tucked in loneliness

As they peer down at eyes like mine in a sad and longing fashion

Relating all too well to both our relatable existences

There’re some things designed by heaven that are void of explanation by words

Not even colors could dare come close for expressions

No, emotions are the Holy Grail of true unfettered communication

And when we deny emotions, we deny a divine language and delivery

Denial: a byproduct of human fear, sowed amidst flowers or stars by darkness alone

Fear that hesitates as a scolded child that has not eagerly misbehaved

Darkness, that illegitimately slithered through the Holy Garden of Eden

Emotions are a fruit afforded humanity to know and learn

Emotions bare forth charity and love from their soul

How could we ever bequeath what… we’ve never known?

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Afterness

Like the outbreak of a human famine

When love is found, lived, and then inhumanly gone

We become a broken-off piece of the universe

Spilling outwardly from our collapsed normalcy

A sorrowful churning like that of the vast oceans

Our emotions feel darkly abandoned like spoiled carrion

Laying as waste by a wild and untamable foe

Despite our own set nature of control

Defiant to even the influencing of a moon

We’re at mercy to our suffering or self-annihilation

We were the ultimate beauty- become ugly

All the elements of life at battle with one another

Harmony is absent from any sense of logic

We devolved into a transfixed essence… as loves wake

Picture from Dreamstime.com

If you can

Tell me the truth

Even if it’s the only time you do

Have you ever loved

Beyond your own self-worth

And was that loss

Worth the moments afterwards

Because I can’t tell

When I’m still falling out

Spiraling away from myself

I never wanted another chance so bad

Even if I hurt the rest of my life

So, if you can, tell me the truth

Is this what’s supposed to happen

When someone is the love… you lose

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Intervals

I admit, moments still come to me unexpectedly

When the preverbal ground falls out from underneath my feet

And I’m emotionally, freefalling into a state of disbelief

Shadowed by grief tagging along as returning visions vividly come to life

Listening to missed conversations echo as if in my present

My heart races, my sorrow elevated, and my eyes grow ever moist

And my sleeping longing rises anew within its devastation

Much like a candle flame does striving for oxygen

My hearts raw and unhealed scars renew their weeping

I’m beset to a loss I’ll never forget, because love never lets go

Like some transaction prepaid before an indulgence

Only to be conveniently forgotten come the next tomorrow

Love is a free gift we give, meant to last beyond forever

I’ve chosen to reside within … loves true nature

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Shed

The mirror only lies through the observer

And eyes only weep from the truth they’ll infer

All the miles my heart has treaded- still echo

In sharp reverberation to my bones and soul

I still feel fresh scars that my flesh forgives

From words that bled me like shivs

The waves of incoming love have long wanned

Life I knew no longer feels the same

My enclave is covered by passing darkness of a night

Murmurs of a television break up shades of silence

Unsettled emotions are tauntingly wideawake

Colliding memories and dreams keep fading

Time spent is slowly transforming me into the dust

Others thoughtlessly chose…to brush off

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Missed

I stare easterly at a future dormant horizon that lays bare and ominous

That imaginary long thin line we notice cognitively in a pensive mind

Just as a northern breeze caresses my left cheek, invoking my childhood memories

Of when I stood offside of my mother, and she innately touched my face

As if saying without words, “Worry not about today my child, I am still here”

In that loving fashion only, mothers can do so affectionately without ridicule

When an impressionable lad’s head is filled with naive fleeting thoughts

Far removed from the dangers of life, love, and other immoral malice

But time and life lessons overcome a parental effort when absent

And children become near adults with all life’s answers all wrapped up

As if bequeathed divine knowledge like chosen future saints of a church

Reminding me in this sober moment, we’ve not enough time to learn

How to openly communicate and respect one another’s differences

Let alone grasp a fuller understanding of what love really… is

Elements

I’ve earnestly believed what we still share

Would defy even the rules in heaven

I further think we both needed to trust in that

And that faith- became our binding teether

But- I have to say in the upmost honesty

I feel so disconnected in your absence

And my faith is being strained constantly

To the point I wake to find disappointment waiting

It matters not if the sun shines or if it rains

If it is summer or winter extended these days

What matters most of all to me is what is missing

From my sight, hearing, heart, and all my emotions

These- these are my truest strains now in life

As I wait for the grains to empty out of… time

Revised

I’ve been altered and forever changed

I’ve lost something of my innate nature

As if I’ve missed a window or mystic portal

But at other times I feel somewhat soulless

A shadow of a shadow if that makes any sense

I’ve become an aberration to my own peculiarity

Even strangers glance at me very differently

Much like my growing estranged family

As if I’m more palatable out of their presence

While they regurgitate changing gossip of a past

I’ve known them and their stories for too long

And they have yet to see who I always was

I honestly fear- I’m becoming more like them

As I keenly look in my mirror… at all that’s left

Lingerer

I’m beset in an uncanny quietness of a quietude

Which feels much more like a place than an attitude

As if the world around me changed nearly unnoticed

Until sometime afterward, after the shock of loss

I still go through the motions of life

I still long and write, if for but a thing to be doing something

As if I’m clinging to a sense of normalcy that’s really gone

Perhaps all this thought of strangeness, is just in me?

Perhaps, it is I alone that has really changed?

As if the world at large had gotten larger and I’m just loster

I now peregrinate my life in an unsteady stride of cautionary

While simultaneously yearning for my path’s recovery

Knowing all too well only one can triumphant

As if I was meant to get lost in losing of even…myself

Picture from Pixby

Fourteenth

Conceived beyond mere accidental

I am that which I always was to be

A learnt Son: I’ll finish my mission

Having peregrinated this broken life

Created by Holiness- for my benefit

An assignment to no one else but me

Twas punctuated by tears and scars

Throughout years of tumultuous pain

Raw fear begetting blinding humility

By unrelenting trials and tribulations

I have, with the greatest of reluctancy

Reconciled within my deeper core self

That I’ll not die as alone in near silence

As my, breath utters a quiet… I love you

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