Presevationist

Since you’ve been gone

I’ve been nothing but lost

You were the counterbalance

When everything went wrong

Nothing I can say will change

My broken direction now

Life will never be the same

Cynical whispers hound my peace

In night and daydream turbulence

Whenever I strive to reemerge

From shattered pieces of my heart

As my shadow is absorbed in a darkness

And I’m just a living memory

That refuses to forget… you existed

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Passenger

I’ve lost the ability to dream it seems

As I fallout of sleep into the twilight

My body follows steps of its memory

I stumble into the fog of another room

Pretending to myself it changes things

Sit in my empty chair in a dark silence

Nearby a window full of the moonlight

Being captured by nothing but sheers

Self-awareness trying to recapture me

I’m surrounded by a ridiculous truth

I’m not depressed- but I’m not happy

It’s hellish to love who has forgotten you

And I’m missing a life that I used to live

Lost from people who made… the difference

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Continual

I don’t know if it’s the sun

Or the moon shining through

As I stumble from day to day

Trying to find my new space

But all time seems to be finding

Are yesterday’s we both shared

Of our love, laughter, and tears

But they’re breaking my heart

In every daily silence, I now hear

Since you left this world behind

This is part of the price I”ll pay

When I can’t unlove someone

Who couldn’t stay- any longer

Yet, remains as love… in my heart

Poet of the Light © 2023

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Spent

I rose before a colorful dawn broke

Nothing could’ve felt sadder

And while in that silence, I lost hope

In the little bit left of each other

We’ve so desperately held on to

And no matter how much

Of my brokenness still loved you

It wouldn’t be perfect or enough- any more

To match what we’ve already lost

From all the hurtful lies and distrust

You’ve loved the idea of loving me back

As I loved you with my whole being

And I love you enough to let you go

From the last piece of myself… that still can

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Confirmation

My heart keeps rinsing grief away

But apparently, it’s become a stain

Permanently etched upon my soul

Liken molecular changes from loss

Making the expressions, unreadable

And my cost seems to still be tolling

It is sometimes our burden with love

Relying on a hearts bleeding courage

Giving everything of its own essence

To still love beyond the pale of death

Just as unflinchingly as one does in life

There’re no bounds restraining love itself

All that’s required is a passion’s existence

And what’s love without… eternal fire?

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Significance

Everything you love about me

It seems, you took with you

Truth be told, I really don’t mind

But at the same time- Babygirl

I’m feeling everything I love about you

Is missing from my heart too

The touch of love is distinct enough

To know as soon as it’s missing

And nothing fills voids like that

If they’re left behind in your soul

What used to feel full now feels empty

I’ve felt pain I never wanted to know

I never knew so many tears could pour

From a Father’s heart… and wounded soul

Informal

Loss is always dressed as an ambush

Leaving you in shock and pain riddled

Or too numb to distinguish a difference

It’s something you can never prepare for

Albeit you can still plan until you’re blue

Unexpectedness exceeds our expectations

No matter how many losses we suffer

Intellectually we’re designed to hit reset

Which in turn sets us up for the next one

And our emotions will be caught off guard

Some are felt deeper, others in fewer tears

But nonetheless, it will most certainly hurt

If not immediately then in perpetual spurts

And liken our hurt love… lasting forever

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Erosion

I have days and nights now

Where realization just sets in

Like an unwanted toothache

No warning, and no medicine

To numb my inner raw pain

Just the follow of silent hours

Trying to avoid even thinking

But then- just as unexpectedly

Time becomes a charitable entity

And that bit of pain is vanquished

The rawness remains ever-present

Perhaps a way of slow acclimation

Usually, we tend to adjust in time

Until it is time to… fully collect us

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Battle tempered

Like a shadow of who I once was

I’ll walk along my empty shores

In the twilight hours of times before

Gathering empty shells of dreams

Left in the wake of ugly betrayals

That nearly drowned me repeatedly

I’ve stepped past the ghost of my hurt

That plagued me for too many years

Through my heart still feel the scars

That still hungers for- a love unfound

Where I can practice all, I’ve learned

To feel the warmth of love in my arms

While I’m clutched in her guiding hands

Teaching me to trust love… once again

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Disintegrated

My mind does try to understand

All things my emotions just can’t

Like why my heart wants to forgive

But still feels too broken down yet

It favors I surrender and let you go

With all this pain you’ve called love

My soul believes were heading for

A crash much worse than all this

Heartaches aren’t worth the trouble

Let’s stop pretending their normal

I’m so far from everything I’ve wanted

And sometimes I may feel I deserve it

Broken hearts cling to a glimmer of hope

One day someone will love us…anyway

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