Missed

I stare easterly at a future dormant horizon that lays bare and ominous

That imaginary long thin line we notice cognitively in a pensive mind

Just as a northern breeze caresses my left cheek, invoking my childhood memories

Of when I stood offside of my mother, and she innately touched my face

As if saying without words, “Worry not about today my child, I am still here”

In that loving fashion only, mothers can do so affectionately without ridicule

When an impressionable lad’s head is filled with naive fleeting thoughts

Far removed from the dangers of life, love, and other immoral malice

But time and life lessons overcome a parental effort when absent

And children become near adults with all life’s answers all wrapped up

As if bequeathed divine knowledge like chosen future saints of a church

Reminding me in this sober moment, we’ve not enough time to learn

How to openly communicate and respect one another’s differences

Let alone grasp a fuller understanding of what love really… is

Elements

I’ve earnestly believed what we still share

Would defy even the rules in heaven

I further think we both needed to trust in that

And that faith- became our binding teether

But- I have to say in the upmost honesty

I feel so disconnected in your absence

And my faith is being strained constantly

To the point I wake to find disappointment waiting

It matters not if the sun shines or if it rains

If it is summer or winter extended these days

What matters most of all to me is what is missing

From my sight, hearing, heart, and all my emotions

These- these are my truest strains now in life

As I wait for the grains to empty out of… time

Revised

I’ve been altered and forever changed

I’ve lost something of my innate nature

As if I’ve missed a window or mystic portal

But at other times I feel somewhat soulless

A shadow of a shadow if that makes any sense

I’ve become an aberration to my own peculiarity

Even strangers glance at me very differently

Much like my growing estranged family

As if I’m more palatable out of their presence

While they regurgitate changing gossip of a past

I’ve known them and their stories for too long

And they have yet to see who I always was

I honestly fear- I’m becoming more like them

As I keenly look in my mirror… at all that’s left

Lingerer

I’m beset in an uncanny quietness of a quietude

Which feels much more like a place than an attitude

As if the world around me changed nearly unnoticed

Until sometime afterward, after the shock of loss

I still go through the motions of life

I still long and write, if for but a thing to be doing something

As if I’m clinging to a sense of normalcy that’s really gone

Perhaps all this thought of strangeness, is just in me?

Perhaps, it is I alone that has really changed?

As if the world at large had gotten larger and I’m just loster

I now peregrinate my life in an unsteady stride of cautionary

While simultaneously yearning for my path’s recovery

Knowing all too well only one can triumphant

As if I was meant to get lost in losing of even…myself

Picture from Pixby

Fourteenth

Conceived beyond mere accidental

I am that which I always was to be

A learnt Son: I’ll finish my mission

Having peregrinated this broken life

Created by Holiness- for my benefit

An assignment to no one else but me

Twas punctuated by tears and scars

Throughout years of tumultuous pain

Raw fear begetting blinding humility

By unrelenting trials and tribulations

I have, with the greatest of reluctancy

Reconciled within my deeper core self

That I’ll not die as alone in near silence

As my, breath utters a quiet… I love you

Photo by EYu00dcP BELEN on Pexels.com

New horizons

I know it sounds foolish in truth

All the times I wanted to hate you

But my love just wouldn’t let me be like that

I just broke a bit more and kept on trying

Your lies and deception really cut deep

But your laughter was the hardest to survive

I became the town joke after you became my wife

But I stood tall and alongside you authentically

Out in public where everyone gossiped

They thought I’d be the last fool to know

We started on the last mile of our relationship

Until you woke to find me finally missing

Right after a new dawn was broken

Now I’m the one laughing about …a lifetime ago

Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

Spoilage

You got caught up in a misunderstood defiance

You saw heroes but they were re-indoctrinators

So, you and your peers become the new rebellion

You welcomed it to hide your inner eccentricities

Thereby making it easier to blend and be accepted

Like a new fashion that was known as aberrational

From there your arrogance grew welcomely wilder

Secretly wearing a cape fancying yourself as change

In all reality, your mind had been simply smudged

Focusing only on the seeable nearsighted objectives

Prattling worn-out platitudes, you knew nothing of

A petulant child wearing moldy misunderstandment

Like fascists before you that hid behind a selfish lens

Entitled as self-appointed lords… regime of narcissists

Photo by Gladson Xavier on Pexels.com

Chafe

The snow has nearly melted

Winter is almost over

But I’m still as cold as ever

Spring isn’t promising me- anything

A new season of the same old problem

These rains do me no real favors

Nothing feels like it used to- once

I still can’t believe I lost you

And my love never knew how to let go

What I know is what I want to forget

What I hope is what I’ve already had

The winds are still crisp

I can feel them bite my lips

Whenever I whisper… your name

Wanderer above the Sea of the Fog painting by Caspar Friedrich

Shades

All I can say- is it feels much like

You’re another planet away

The sun rises, then the sun falls

The moon sneaks by before dawn

And I’m still here- beset to this place

Not an inch closer wearing the same blues

Listening to my old sublevel tunes

Some think, I just might be crazy

I think- they’re just being too nosey

As I subsist my way through another day

Maybe I’ll get lucky, and it will rain

So, I can go out walking to feel something new

Dripping off my skin, caressing my face

And I can pretend… something has changed

Static force

Every day an unwanted pall remains

As all this time that is slipping away

And I still feel lost inside this- thing

I can’t go forward, and I can’t go back

While nothing is holding me anymore

This blankness has me feeling trapped

I really thought I mastered being alone

This new broken mode- defies old truths

And since you left half of me went with

I still haven’t caught my own loss breath

God only knows how it hurts without you

As I still lay down only wake feeling less

You brought me out of my hidden self

Won’t you bring me out of… this hell?

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