fruition (long read)

I too, go now soon

Where is as I must

Before the snows fall

And greys become dust

After all, tis my very nature

Heavenly hands instilled

And life nurtured by moonlights

As an inner child’s dream in truth

I’ll ascend near where Eagles soar

There, up in a corner summit borrow

And campfires are lost to darkness

Where snippets of life are painted

In colors of wild mountain flowers

And lush meadow green lands

And sprinkles of sparkling stars

Higher than is here now

Where breezes tumbleweeds for miles

Across dried-out level landscapes

Where Bison herds and bears roamed

Amongst glacier lakes and tall grasses

Back in a time long before I was born

When stars were filled with prayers

And I too must complete a cycle

And I’ll do so with my Lord savior

Listening to my humbled heart speak

The way a Father does to his child

As I bear witness of those who loved me

And those who wiped my salty tears

Fed my broken heart promising stories

Triaged my rented skin and soul

Steeped me in warms cups of forgiveness

Reminded me of my mountainous mission

In betwixt quiet hours of inner peace

And glorious dawns of dewy mornings

Where Mother nature kisses all living

I’ll colorfully imbue as memories

Imprinted gingerly on my soul’s fabric

Carrying with to unabashedly boast

Where I’m from and to where I go

As I walk in the complicit echoes

By legions of revered Poets of old

Whispering our creative thoughts

Into sleepy young hearts, we left behind

That try to comprehend why

Their tender nature compels them

To sit thoughtlessly… admiring summits

Bullies

PAMPLONA, SPAIN – JULY 11: (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)

I honestly replayed our actions

Failing to understand all of this

Then thought I might write you

But to what avail would follow

When we’ll both remain at odds

As further and deeper wounds

Will ensue our bruised hearts

We’re clearly beset by our logic

However emotionally coincided

Insensitive ears never do listen

Just as blind eyes fail at reading

There’s no middle road to be found

When you’d prefer to run over me

Cynics shouldn’t drive… anything

Pendulum

There are moments in life

When you come to recognize

It’s time- to simply let go

Albeit memories or people

Inevitability remains ugly

What once held you is fraying

Unrelenting currents have grown

Time is no longer a family friend

And bending is no longer the answer

Everything has its breaking point

You relinquish to preserve yours

Stretching further already taught seconds

I do not relish nor go so easily

But I know, I can’t hold back…gravity

Unexplainables

Greif can be a dark fickle thing

Just as you dare to go out in public

When you think you have a handle on it

It comes at you full force out of nowhere

Without warning, it throws a gut punch

Waffling in fear, loss, anger, and confusion

Each emotion fights for full attention

Which is the last thing you want at all

Family and friends only worsen the effect

As their cynical advice is nonsensical

And absurd under normal conditions

But you can’t remember your old normalcy

You’re grasping at air for tangibility

But all your fingers find… is emptiness

Secret sighs

I keep looking to catch a glimpse

Of you outside my window

But I only catch myself instead

Reflecting off the dirty glass

As my heart sinks another level

I find it harder to even swallow

My sadness keeps growing older

And my life keeps feeling colder

Happiness and warmth are absent

I have stopped making any excuses

Whether or weather has blended

Neither seems to even matter

Nothing can fill the void of love

Once you had it… and then lost it

Love lived (Haiku)

Bees naturally buzz

Perfume of a flower blooms

I feel your bare skin

Nakedness

I hung my head expecting to be shamed

After I chose to be brave exposing myself

In fashion unfamiliar to my outside world

Most of whom knew me not at all really

Nonetheless, I reveled in mere plain words

What I couldn’t dare utter out of my voice

I must admit, it seemed to be so much safer

Whereas I might explain it: a misunderstanding

Had been submitted by complete human error

A page of pure fiction instead of anecdotalized

Or so my inner thought reasoned out cowardly

Plus, it felt easier to be jousted over silly fiction

Then admit my truer inner emotions publicly

If they discerned what I wrote was… gibberish

An ode to Virginia’s love letter.

Pandora

Desire for me always spoke louder

Within the glances between hearts

From across a room or landscape

Nothing uttered but- understood

Where internal temperatures rose

Liken the high tide escaping a shore

My innate thirst grows in seconds

Exposed by my own vulnerabilities

While errant thoughts of loves waves

Teased at the flame of my inner core

As colorful pictures torture my senses

Into full abdication of bodily authority

And before any blink of her alluring eyes

Seals my soul’s fate…with an erotic wink

Mission of journey

Most of my life

I’ve hung my head

Even in mist of night

Where I remained hid

Weeping, weeping for others

That never bothered

To understand me

And I prayed for their salvation

Trusting, maybe one day

They’ll lay fears of me away

I no longer hang my head

For things I never did

But I still wait, in the silence

Between forgiveness and … my steps

Blindfolded

Did any of my actions have merit?

Maybe I’ve neglected how to regret?

I no longer feel the cold in darkness

Any more than I might feel love again

Or has all my care become too frozen

All I know is- my heart hurts like hell

Yet some days it just seems to be numb

Does that still make it worth saving?

In these strange days, I just can’t tell

But the little bit I do trust that I know

Is something really needs changing

Even if- that only means- in myself

Maybe to a place that I just can’t see

If only I found my way back… to me

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