Could’ve been’s

Some things aren’t worth
Keeping and better off to be
Leaving well enough alone
Like wildfires out of control
Let time fall flat on its face

So I’ll just start by drowning
Those little bitty memories
All their following aspirations
Of us and everything- love
A homage of sorts for losers

Then I’ll burn our bridges
Being left behind wrecked
In billowing smoke and dust
From unused passion I had
Once conjured up about us

After which I’ll slip away
Like loves refugee I’ll flee
That imaginary you and me
In the middle of some night
While the moon is sleeping
On a pile of cloudy pillows
And rain pouring down hard
Washing away all my tracks

Until I find some place that
No one you’ve ever known
Knows me or even my name
I’ll end all my rhymes and
Their reasons to exist too
Maybe then I’ll forget...you


Poet of the Light © 2020






Contrast

I dusted off yesterdays dreams

From my sleeves and my chest

After you up and left- yet again

You never say goodbye or apologize

Knowing how injured I’ll be tonight

You promised, you’d never leave

I was foolish enough to believe- whispers

And now, I find myself standing here

After walking mindlessly

In the dark depths of midnight’s air

Of all places I wander to here, all alone

Where we first said our “I love you”

And kissed with burning passion

I never thought would end

My lips feel as numb as my soul

Who would’ve guess, us two?

Would dare to defy all the odds

Polar shades of skins but not our desires

And now we prove, they were right

To question all our eagerly motives

That we kept denying, all along

Until we finally broke- both of us

Oh how I still feel the sting- burning

Deep down within me, and then some

Even stars feel too blemished to shine

Heavy is the night time hours cloak

How apropos, on my cheek it feels like rain

And my emotions, are fully inflamed, in truth

So much I can hardly speak to myself

I prefer a love as it was meant to be

The way your whispers painted to me

When you held my heart in your hands

Not the love you prefer to change, yet again

Whenever warmer winds- stir your restlessness

My darling, with all the love for me you posses

Gift me a last request-and forget… I exist

Poet of the Light © 2020

Fallen

As a child, I danced in make-believe

And always felt reverence for my God

Wandered about as if life was never-ending

I felt all the prismatic colors of life

Tasted heavens golden grains of time

And played in dreams of my imagination

I seen strangeness of snow in summer

Lost my breath in a second of a cold gray dawn

Freely watched the miracle of life, birthed before me

But God knows freedom, is anything but free

Especially when it indiscriminately takes you away

From where and who you really want to be- with

Nothing seems any more terrifying

When you feel, you’ve fallen off the edge

Of the life you once had, with them back then

You leave behind empty whiskey bottles

Instead of dusty footprints for others to follow

Where you’ve been and where you’re going next

Everything changes; and feels so different

You feel the hurt, each time ocean waves break

But you’ve become too numb to feel the wind or rain

Sunshine, no longer matters anymore

Because all its true colors, really came from

People you loved and adored, before it got darker

It ain’t no wonder, so many give up

On both life, unending love and beliefs

When you’re drowning in nothing like it was…back when

Poet of the Light © 2020

Ataraxia

Memories can still be triggered

By the simplest of subtle things

A scent, sudden chill or reflection

I still loved you even after you left

But- those feelings, no longer live

Nor do they steal me as they once did

I packed them up, moved them out

Resigned to the facts as they were

Opening my doors and windows

Changing my stale curtains to sheers

For fresher air and my full future

Making room for life, maybe love

To be accepted as enough… by someone

Poet of the Light © 2020

Anymore

 

I know I did my best

Until the best of me left- long ago

Oh baby- it ain’t hate speaking

I’m just honestly saying

I’m too tired to even leave

Don’t look surprised, we both know

Every word I say is our unspoken truth

Why don’t you just go- be free

And save yourself from even me

Please, don’t let me hold you back

I promise to turn away- uneasily

Your embraces secretly, tore me apart

As you wore someone else’s scent

I’ve had enough of your kind of love

I just can’t bare to carry it- anymore

Not on these depressed shoulders

All my strength sapped away

Like those dreams of yesterday

From living a loves, ugly mess

I see in the lines on my face

Starving in all this lost time

For so much as just a loving hug

That didn’t feel cold and distant

Whenever your cruel words- didn’t

Or the looks and undertones

Cause my eyes to break into water

That I hid in withdrawn silence

And shattered reality of my mind

Someplace far too familiar

That I never wanted to know

An island, far from what we were

Far from where you’ve taken my heart

And I learned what they mean by

Loving some enough to- “let go”

Of burnt bridges and pieces of love

That no longer depict a pretty picture

After it’s frame fell from its cherished wall

Cause we don’t represent that…anymore

Poet of the Light © 2020

River run

Nowhere to go but where I’m laid

As if it was always meant this way

And I’ve only just woke to my fate

Standing on a bank I’ll never own

Dwelling on things never coming

Just to keep from thinking of you

If only- I could walk across

The mirror of my sky, I’d find

A place in the raw deep darkness

Where I could sit and cry- alone

It would sound like thunder

That no one else could hear

And I’d know- nothing but blue

Oh- I’m lost in your leftover love

And dreams we’ll never see

After you up and went away- silently

Not so much as a note or a fight

That might help to explain

What you’re thinking in- your mind

All your promises fell like rain drops

Covering my face with hurt and pain

With the likes of I’ve never experienced

As cold air currents rush over me

I feel like a river destined to be

Darkened, long, winding and…endless

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

C’était

Those midnight hours

Have fallen fast asleep

Leaving me and the moon, alone

And she never talks but listens

As we fall through time

Much the way, we used to do

As your fingertips chased conjured images

Up and down the surface of my skin

Our entangled bodies sharing the same breaths

As your eyes gazed into the depths

Of my souls open windows

Oh how could I’ve known- or thought

You were anything less, than an angel

That up and left with a new dawn

I still haven’t seen yet

All of me, lost all of you

To say I’ve been damaged

Would be most misleading

Tattered and bruised

Feels like its been eons

This is my old new image

But truth is- I’m still breaking

Though the pain is lessened

Maybe because, I’m growing numb

Bit by bit where my heart once sat

Beholding thoughts and memories

And I only live light, in darkness

Within the silence of a bitter truth

Of our love…that once was

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Blemished windshield

 

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Times province

 

A moon that made everything matter

Until luminous of all star colors, fell

Out of those blues, life and I- changed

I felt the sizzle of the reining sun itself

Crash into an ocean; darkness became

And all of time itself- drifted away

Then in times wake came an aphotic zone

As love arbitrarily changed its face

I lost its warmth and its full mainstay

I- like a fog lost- within times frame

Hovered aimlessly over; whats not mine

Staring into the face of a frozen lake

I didn’t want to know nor recognize

And as I tried to embrace a dejected cold

My tears fell like a flurry of snowflakes

My kaleidoscope heart no longer controlled

Death comes to me, in a darker, slow- eternity

Oh how inhumane! Such natures mirrors reflects

And what is; isn’t at all, what we’d ever expect

 

The story on her face hurt worse

Than any of the words, she couldn’t say

Love was over and I summarily evicted

While her stuttered whispers, cut me

And I still feel their sting yet today

Even after all these dark caustic years

With those very same cloudy tears

Blinding my shattered eyes, not my mind

To the full truth of all these things

That will never let me go- and why I know

I’ll never get to hold- her- close again

Not in this life, or that untouchable way

Oh- my- God! How it hurts to my soul

Even now, in these unwelcome moments

As it wreaks havoc and I feel so selfish

Leaving my silenced heart feeling…homeless

 

Poet of the Light © 2019