Consequently

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We were a fantasy come to life

I held onto you, you held onto me

We took that proverbial plunge

Flew so effortlessly on love wings

Until you’ve became so preoccupied

And slowly we’ve began our descent

Falling out of trust, losing our grip

Somewhere along the way we lost

What we love the most- about us

All those little nuances we possess

And I’ve been bleeding ever since

I keep holding on, giving all, I have

I simply can’t hold out much longer

You’re killing us… by a thousand cuts

Rememberable

I need a life change of pace

To save what’s left of my heart

I never wanted to say to you

I’m lonelier with you here- anymore

You hide inside you little world

And there’s no place for me

You’ve made that clear- repeatedly

I embarrass you in front of your friends

You devalue me for asking questions

There’s nothing I could ever do to fit in

I’ve decided I need- someone like me

That looks past my built-in flaws

Someone that talks to me fluently

Someone that loves me…blindly

Reluctant beats

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Permanent isn’t the one I expected

And I keep feeling it inside myself

Crashing between polar realities

Our dreams drowning in oceans

Incomplete doesn’t mean finished

Yet, it’s exactly where we’re at now

Letting go, of what you love the most

Feels like cruel insanity to my heart

Now, you’ve chosen for both of us

To go our separate ways- liberated

If it wasn’t for all this mad confusion

I’d know better way to say- goodbye

It must be said, losing you this way

Feels more like death… in slow motion

Ripped

Our song just skips now

Cause that record is broken

And that ever after is gone

Oh, I need me a long road

Going easy on my mind

Just as kind on my soul

Nowhere special is just fine

If it’s peaceful and quiet

A trip that’s long overdue

That I’ve promised myself

Where temperatures are cool

If a sun still sets in the west

And my long shadows are true

When I stroll … on my own

Just kept

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Seems funny I really don’t recall

The sun feeling so warm and bright

Oh baby, I gave it my all, and more

Waiting patiently for what I needed

But you kept dismissing- all of me

I held on to every piece of myself

You took away from my wholeness

While telling me to just get over it

Though you were taking all I gave

Open and free from my bleeding heart

But I kept promising daily to myself

Eventually everything would change

And I was right, cause baby today

I’ve gotten over everything…missing

Gabs

We have been thoroughly robbed

Truly and most assuredly as if

A thief in dark of night had come

Stolen what we failed, to protect

Oh- how most complicit we are!

We’ve lost untold stores and smiles

All those gems you just can’t buy

We’re left here to cry, for ourselves

We’ll guiltily hide the void inside

So, we never see it in the mirror of life

Never be reminded of our failing to you

Now we’re sorry, in all the wrong ways

Convincing ourselves you’ve found peace

From a narcissistic world… we’ve created

In memory of Gabby Petito.

We should be better than this by now.

May you one day forgive our failing you.

Essentially

Still after all this time

I find, I’m still amazed

Just how many times

Pain changes many things

Learning again to let go

Has many more versions

But I’m happy to know

I’m learning them easier

Letting go of some people

I gave far too much credit

Can never really love me

As I do them in every moment

It’s not me hurting deep inside

It’s really my raw love … that cries

Disregarded

Who was right, who was wrong

Doesn’t matter much anymore

Who we were, has simply gone

I couldn’t repair, what I didn’t break

And just because I walked away

Don’t you think that it doesn’t hurt

At least, any less than if I had stayed

I realized when something is so broken

Something else really had to changed

But I knew I’d never change my heart

God knows, I had to change my mind

And pretend- I didn’t care anymore

I may be alone and still broken inside

I’ve promised to give myself… healing time

Contradictions

We spent time in long conversations

Talking about our unfulfilled dreams

And how wonderful- it would really be

Having someone want the same things

Now you doubt what I say, I think

If my words- aren’t heard in kind

Then how can the feelings behind,

Their every whisper, be felt inside?

I just don’t understand why today

You say, the two of us is a mistake

It feels so strange- in this moment

To even being talking in this way

I mean what I say, and what I do

You go your way … I’ll go mine too

Martyrs of Shiloh

They come- touched

Simply because they’re called

No one else around them hears it

Because it’s a sacred whisper within

Because it is soundless- a feeling

In the same fashion as chills

But they’re fervor is dedication

They’ll know not any reservation

Time has etched their names in place

Beyond all human understanding

Borne forth to shoulder true grace

Unbeknown what cost will be paid

Still, unabashedly they’ve answered

As have all martyrs, in fields… of Shiloh

Dedicated to the brave thirteen

U.S. service members killed near Kabul-2021

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