Anymore

 

I know I did my best

Until the best of me left- long ago

Oh baby- it ain’t hate speaking

I’m just honestly saying

I’m too tired to even leave

Don’t look surprised, we both know

Every word I say is our unspoken truth

Why don’t you just go- be free

And save yourself from even me

Please, don’t let me hold you back

I promise to turn away- uneasily

Your embraces secretly, tore me apart

As you wore someone else’s scent

I’ve had enough of your kind of love

I just can’t bare to carry it- anymore

Not on these depressed shoulders

All my strength sapped away

Like those dreams of yesterday

From living a loves, ugly mess

I see in the lines on my face

Starving in all this lost time

For so much as just a loving hug

That didn’t feel cold and distant

Whenever your cruel words- didn’t

Or the looks and undertones

Cause my eyes to break into water

That I hid in withdrawn silence

And shattered reality of my mind

Someplace far too familiar

That I never wanted to know

An island, far from what we were

Far from where you’ve taken my heart

And I learned what they mean by

Loving some enough to- “let go”

Of burnt bridges and pieces of love

That no longer depict a pretty picture

After it’s frame fell from its cherished wall

Cause we don’t represent that…anymore

Poet of the Light © 2020

River run

Nowhere to go but where I’m laid

As if it was always meant this way

And I’ve only just woke to my fate

Standing on a bank I’ll never own

Dwelling on things never coming

Just to keep from thinking of you

If only- I could walk across

The mirror of my sky, I’d find

A place in the raw deep darkness

Where I could sit and cry- alone

It would sound like thunder

That no one else could hear

And I’d know- nothing but blue

Oh- I’m lost in your leftover love

And dreams we’ll never see

After you up and went away- silently

Not so much as a note or a fight

That might help to explain

What you’re thinking in- your mind

All your promises fell like rain drops

Covering my face with hurt and pain

With the likes of I’ve never experienced

As cold air currents rush over me

I feel like a river destined to be

Darkened, long, winding and…endless

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

C’était

Those midnight hours

Have fallen fast asleep

Leaving me and the moon, alone

And she never talks but listens

As we fall through time

Much the way, we used to do

As your fingertips chased conjured images

Up and down the surface of my skin

Our entangled bodies sharing the same breaths

As your eyes gazed into the depths

Of my souls open windows

Oh how could I’ve known- or thought

You were anything less, than an angel

That up and left with a new dawn

I still haven’t seen yet

All of me, lost all of you

To say I’ve been damaged

Would be most misleading

Tattered and bruised

Feels like its been eons

This is my old new image

But truth is- I’m still breaking

Though the pain is lessened

Maybe because, I’m growing numb

Bit by bit where my heart once sat

Beholding thoughts and memories

And I only live light, in darkness

Within the silence of a bitter truth

Of our love…that once was

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Blemished windshield

 

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Times province

 

A moon that made everything matter

Until luminous of all star colors, fell

Out of those blues, life and I- changed

I felt the sizzle of the reining sun itself

Crash into an ocean; darkness became

And all of time itself- drifted away

Then in times wake came an aphotic zone

As love arbitrarily changed its face

I lost its warmth and its full mainstay

I- like a fog lost- within times frame

Hovered aimlessly over; whats not mine

Staring into the face of a frozen lake

I didn’t want to know nor recognize

And as I tried to embrace a dejected cold

My tears fell like a flurry of snowflakes

My kaleidoscope heart no longer controlled

Death comes to me, in a darker, slow- eternity

Oh how inhumane! Such natures mirrors reflects

And what is; isn’t at all, what we’d ever expect

 

The story on her face hurt worse

Than any of the words, she couldn’t say

Love was over and I summarily evicted

While her stuttered whispers, cut me

And I still feel their sting yet today

Even after all these dark caustic years

With those very same cloudy tears

Blinding my shattered eyes, not my mind

To the full truth of all these things

That will never let me go- and why I know

I’ll never get to hold- her- close again

Not in this life, or that untouchable way

Oh- my- God! How it hurts to my soul

Even now, in these unwelcome moments

As it wreaks havoc and I feel so selfish

Leaving my silenced heart feeling…homeless

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Disadvantaged

 

By some designed emotional mystic inception

Of what we individually define as love- itself;

Typically had its inchoative spark into our life;

Regardless of however short lived, it might live

Long before our mere conscious dares to fathom

Accepted knowledge of its very fluent presence;

We will always seem to be catching up, mentally

Or feel abandoned by in its unexplainable absence

When it left us, long before we care to…realize it

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Coquette

 

Echoes resound within echoes

My tattered empire has fallen

And the pretentious have fled

Even all sentient dust- settled

As time obtusely ticks waywardly

My breath still lives, in winds

Like whispers of love fleeting

That breezes through now and then

These skeletal remains, of all I was

That infamous caged source of my love

Was beating a rhythmic flame of desire

Before- she ripped it out all its colors

Her cold words acted like evil hands

And despair clouded in as an overcast

Adorned with ghostly images of her

Pernicious has stolen hopes throne

My frayed faith resting on the ground

Within the massive footprint…she’s left

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Almost there

 

She left-

And if that wasn’t bad enough

I started felling as if

I was a bad memory that

Didn’t appear in her rear view mirror

I still see, those tail light leave

Somethings gone wrong

Time is going backwards

Even my heart questions the beats

I always thought, we had a future

She always said; now that I think of it

I was someone her mother warned of

I’m not sure how that, if at all

Has anything to do with this

She woke up like a storm

Out of the blue

On a sunny morning

and then all of a sudden

The rain starting pouring

Someday, is never going to come

Someday, was just- an illusion

No future, no past- guessing

I finally made it to some place at last

Just me locked in retreating time

She escaped everything but my mind

Never going to kiss her lips, again

Not like I did in those moments

When those moments were in the present

When I was everything, she wanted

How can I live- like this;

If living life walked away in her breath?

Somewhere between here and her

Everything that ever was

Existed in- all she is

Everything turned sour

And I still feel drenched in- everything

Her

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Natural springs

 

It’s fall, to me flurries feel promised

This chilly air makes it more obvious

My mind and heart is somewhere else

That my soul knows is wrong as well

 

April: a natural and unexpected girl

That strolled into my empty heart

And made everything make sense

Even after my past failed attempts

 

It was the best spring I ever loved

I couldn’t convince her to come with

And when my season with her ended

Every mile behind, was heart breaking

 

I’m somewhere on a dry patch of Texas

With showers of April still wet…on my lips

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Secernment

 

I’ve spent many countless covered nights

Waking me in a damp febrile belief

You were back layingnext to me

Only to have those cold hands of reality

Rigidly coil my body in a fetal position

 

At which such time I could only stare

Into a blind darkness of immured foggy air

While trying not to listen to crisp faintness

Of your long and patented missed whispers

Still lingering in sheets of beloved memories

 

When others make claims “love never hurts”

Ignore what they have never experienced

By lacking the ability to soulfully miss it

Because they could never help create it

Let alone plan to love someone…forever

 

Poet of the Light © 2019