Blemished windshield

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

Times province

A moon that made everything matter

Until luminous of all star colors, fell

Out of those blues, life and I- changed

I felt the sizzle of the reining sun itself

Crash into an ocean; darkness became

And all of time itself- drifted away

Then in times wake came an aphotic zone

As love arbitrarily changed its face

I lost its warmth and its full mainstay

I- like a fog lost- within times frame

Hovered aimlessly over; whats not mine

Staring into the face of a frozen lake

I didn’t want to know nor recognize

And as I tried to embrace a dejected cold

My tears fell like a flurry of snowflakes

My kaleidoscope heart no longer controlled

Death comes to me, in a darker, slow- eternity

Oh how inhumane! Such natures mirrors reflects

And what is; isn’t at all, what we’d ever expect

The story on her face hurt worse

Than any of the words, she couldn’t say

Love was over and I summarily evicted

While her stuttered whispers, cut me

And I still feel their sting yet today

Even after all these dark caustic years

With those very same cloudy tears

Blinding my shattered eyes, not my mind

To the full truth of all these things

That will never let me go- and why I know

I’ll never get to hold- her- close again

Not in this life, or that untouchable way

Oh- my- God! How it hurts to my soul

Even now, in these unwelcome moments

As it wreaks havoc and I feel so selfish

Leaving my silenced heart feeling…homeless

Disadvantaged

By some designed emotional mystic inception

Of what we individually define as love- itself;

Typically had its inchoative spark into our life;

Regardless of however short lived, it might live

Long before our mere conscious dares to fathom

Accepted knowledge of its very fluent presence;

We will always seem to be catching up, mentally

Or feel abandoned by in its unexplainable absence

When it left us, long before we care to…realize it

Coquette

Echoes resound within echoes

My tattered empire has fallen

And the pretentious have fled

Even all sentient dust- settled

As time obtusely ticks waywardly

My breath still lives, in winds

Like whispers of love fleeting

That breezes through now and then

These skeletal remains, of all I was

That infamous caged source of my love

Was beating a rhythmic flame of desire

Before- she ripped it out all its colors

Her cold words acted like evil hands

And despair clouded in as an overcast

Adorned with ghostly images of her

Pernicious has stolen hopes throne

My frayed faith resting on the ground

Within the massive footprint…she’s left

Almost there

She left-

And if that wasn’t bad enough

I started felling as if

I was a bad memory that

Didn’t appear in her rear view mirror

I still see, those tail light leave

Somethings gone wrong

Time is going backwards

Even my heart questions the beats

I always thought, we had a future

She always said; now that I think of it

I was someone her mother warned of

I’m not sure how that, if at all

Has anything to do with this

She woke up like a storm

Out of the blue

On a sunny morning

and then all of a sudden

The rain starting pouring

Someday, is never going to come

Someday, was just- an illusion

No future, no past- guessing

I finally made it to some place at last

Just me locked in retreating time

She escaped everything but my mind

Never going to kiss her lips, again

Not like I did in those moments

When those moments were in the present

When I was everything, she wanted

How can I live- like this;

If living life walked away in her breath?

Somewhere between here and her

Everything that ever was

Existed in- all she is

Everything turned sour

And I still feel drenched in- everything

Her

Natural springs

It’s fall, to me flurries feel promised

This chilly air makes it more obvious

My mind and heart is somewhere else

That my soul knows is wrong as well

April: a natural and unexpected girl

That strolled into my empty heart

And made everything make sense

Even after my past failed attempts

It was the best spring I ever loved

I couldn’t convince her to come with

And when my season with her ended

Every mile behind, was heart breaking

I’m somewhere on a dry patch of Texas

With showers of April still wet…on my lips

Secernment

I’ve spent many countless covered nights

Waking me in a damp febrile belief

You were back laying– next to me

Only to have those cold hands of reality

Rigidly coil my body in a fetal position

At which such time I could only stare

Into a blind darkness of immured foggy air

While trying not to listen to crisp faintness

Of your long and patented missed whispers

Still lingering in sheets of beloved memories

When others make claims “love never hurts”

Ignore what they have never experienced

By lacking the ability to soulfully miss it

Because they could never help create it

Let alone plan to love someone…forever

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