Category: recovery

Influential

The empty chair, in sharp silence

I can deal with and compensate for

.

Glancing stares out a near window

Oft forgetting that, I shouldn’t expect

To see your smiling image out there

.

My amnesic mistake, calling your name

As I enter a room- that is now barren

Can have a sobering affect to a heart

.

The painting easel and its blank canvass

Lacking those perfectly placed colors

Of life, you re-imagined so masterfully

By painstaking hands, I can re-imagine

.

Those are the times I write the utmost

Precious words of my heart, paperlessly

Because they’re spoken without thought

.

But our bed is the coldest place of all

Not because it lacks your warm body

But because your resounding heartbeats

Is what made all the difference… for me

.

Poet of the Light © 2020

Fallen

As a child, I danced in make-believe

And always felt reverence for my God

Wandered about as if life was never-ending

I felt all the prismatic colors of life

Tasted heavens golden grains of time

And played in dreams of my imagination

I seen strangeness of snow in summer

Lost my breath in a second of a cold gray dawn

Freely watched the miracle of life, birthed before me

But God knows freedom, is anything but free

Especially when it indiscriminately takes you away

From where and who you really want to be- with

Nothing seems any more terrifying

When you feel, you’ve fallen off the edge

Of the life you once had, with them back then

You leave behind empty whiskey bottles

Instead of dusty footprints for others to follow

Where you’ve been and where you’re going next

Everything changes; and feels so different

You feel the hurt, each time ocean waves break

But you’ve become too numb to feel the wind or rain

Sunshine, no longer matters anymore

Because all its true colors, really came from

People you loved and adored, before it got darker

It ain’t no wonder, so many give up

On both life, unending love and beliefs

When you’re drowning in nothing like it was…back when

Poet of the Light © 2020

Constraints

The sun doesn’t always climb back up

After devastation has thundered through

Ones life like an unceasing wreaking ball

Not at least, at first, in ones frame of mind

And truth be told, it hasn’t been that easy

To dare consider venturing back outwardly

To dare look up into that same skyward

That once umbrella everything- us

Or consign fate still holds something

Hidden within those pattern of stars

Clutched deep in its mysterious galaxy

A pathway, if you will, renewed hope, love

Secretly I’ve watched the stars each night

Even when fog has rolled in like clouds

Endured blinding rainstorms and blizzards

I remained vigilant, with doubts echoing

Awaiting for them to finally realign

To catch me halfheartedly gazing

Yet halfheartedly believing, dreaming

That one night, it steals my breath, my thoughts

Revealing its secret plan, move my soul

Set me upon, the right course to…live love

Poet of the Light © 2020

Knot

 

I cursed you-

With every molecule of my being

Until the sound of my own voice

Abruptly breached my sleep

Rampant heartbeats, clashed into reality

And then I cursed you again

In a broken voiced whisper

As a fistful of sheets crinkled aloud

While I struggled to see about, nothing

In that slightly moonlit room

Where we shared our dreams, unadulterated

Sung old love songs like lovesick teenagers

As our random playlist reverberated

Where we hid like outlaws from the world

Pretending no one else even existed

As if, we were all that was ever created

And our utopian bubble, our oyster to devour

Where our sweaty nakedness shivered

Sinfully grinning as snowflakes pelted the windows

Where lust-filled desire drained our energy

As we remained intertwined during recovery

Where we ate breakfast in bed for dinner

Only to share delivered dinner at the next dawn

Where our long intimate talks still echos

Amongst candlelit aroma and blushing walls

Where nothing we owned was off limits

Reveling unquestionable trust in each other

Where promised words of our love

Became threaded around our emotions

That served as a protective palisade to our hearts

Until- all of it suddenly became

Meaningless and desireless to you in anyway

Igniting a maelstrom of destruction and loves existence

Becoming a galaxy of lifeless stardust…and me

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Wakes of whispers

I pensively look around me

Realizing, this is my destiny

But not where, I ought to be

How did I get so tossed- aside?

 

I try to look up to the sky

As if answers, would fall on cue

Far too bright- for me to see

I remain here even more confused

 

And yet, that river flows- on

To places I’ve never gone

And comes from, where I’d been

Maybe- we’ll meet up at the end

 

She was all my sunshine and rain

Never thought I’d be the current…she’d change

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Made to believe

 

 

How do I explain;

How do I reveal the pain;

You’ve caused through me?

At first it was like a carousel

Moving past life in laughter

For first time children- until

We abruptly stopped in hell

To even depict its bitter truth

Would make me more like you

And I rather, remain- myself

Oh God I was better off alone

Better off not knowing

How easy some can pretend

Why’d you do me this way;

Why make us a foolish mistake;

Why did you have to be- you?

Oh you felt like a dream

My heart has longed for

If only, if only- if- only

You knew, how to love…me

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Beleaguered

 

I can feel those fiery-tips rising

Across the scars buried deep within

That returning storm of darkness

Has once again found where I subsist

 

This is how the past keeps me chained

As I pray for soothing rains instead

How can I ever live;

If all you do is sabotage who I am?

 

If only I could control the lightning

You use by way of hurtful words

I’d send them back in your direction

But you’d have to feel something, first

 

I won’t let you make me into your image

Not that you could recognize it…anyways

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Blemished windshield

 

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Heartfelt ways

 

Today- all while waiting

For the night to be delivered

I watched Red Maples leaves

Surrender, to the wind and fall

Like giant colored snowflakes

In a seemingly gentle whorling

Of a Mother Nature’s whisper

They let go, one by one and all

Believing

 

How I know so well, that feeling

Wanting to cling and be free

Being caught up in something

Daring and yet not ventured

Far too great for me to escape

As my love- for you

Even after I fell so easily

Into a whisper of your essence

Unafraid

 

And long after you’ve left

I’ve laid here beside myself

Withdrawing every since

Surrounded by pure darkness

How so apropos- when

Only- the moonlight

Has ever witnessed, the hours

Of my hearts excruciating pain

And it had to hide itself away

So we both could- cry- alone

Unashamed

 

And long after time itself

Slowly takes me away

My love for you will remain

Waiting for the moist touch

Of your long missed whispers

That brought me life and love

Whence once- it called forth…my name

 

Poet of the Light © 2019