Category: recovery

Wakes of whispers

I pensively look around me

Realizing, this is my destiny

But not where, I ought to be

How did I get so tossed- aside?

 

I try to look up to the sky

As if answers, would fall on cue

Far too bright- for me to see

I remain here even more confused

 

And yet, that river flows- on

To places I’ve never gone

And comes from, where I’d been

Maybe- we’ll meet up at the end

 

She was all my sunshine and rain

Never thought I’d be the current…she’d change

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Made to believe

 

 

How do I explain;

How do I reveal the pain;

You’ve caused through me?

At first it was like a carousel

Moving past life in laughter

For first time children- until

We abruptly stopped in hell

To even depict its bitter truth

Would make me more like you

And I rather, remain- myself

Oh God I was better off alone

Better off not knowing

How easy some can pretend

Why’d you do me this way;

Why make us a foolish mistake;

Why did you have to be- you?

Oh you felt like a dream

My heart has longed for

If only, if only- if- only

You knew, how to love…me

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Beleaguered

 

I can feel those fiery-tips rising

Across the scars buried deep within

That returning storm of darkness

Has once again found where I subsist

 

This is how the past keeps me chained

As I pray for soothing rains instead

How can I ever live;

If all you do is sabotage who I am?

 

If only I could control the lightning

You use by way of hurtful words

I’d send them back in your direction

But you’d have to feel something, first

 

I won’t let you make me into your image

Not that you could recognize it…anyways

 

Poet of the Light © 2020

Blemished windshield

 

I don’t know and even worse

Fail to understand where I am

Parked at some unfamiliar destination

A quay that endures water crashing

Against its unprotected walls everyday

And now- I’ve added to its weight

Standing here leaning against a railing

As frigid spray of broken waves splash

Into my unaffected staring face

Locked in disappointing thoughts

Too cluttered to make out fully

Any hidden lesson or message

My heart failed to learn before

And I’m so far- from what I believed

Love looked like as an idealistic teen

Never did I think, or give thought

I’d travel in or through so much pain

And my mosaic heart of scars

Never understood that I’d loose

So much of myself along the way

Must’ve been that childish trust

That always rushed to live- love

In every heartbeat I gave away

Bringing me here to this place today

Only to be caught in our last scene

Of living a love denied by destiny

Despite that last shuddering embrace

I still hoped the end would be changed

As I let you slip away from my fingers

And I knew- we’re ending- what was us

Couldn’t we have gentled the moments

And that last kiss; be the one remembered

For all we did, dare to give, to love itself

Because now my broken heart fears it may

Have to last as long as…I do myself

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Heartfelt ways

 

Today- all while waiting

For the night to be delivered

I watched Red Maples leaves

Surrender, to the wind and fall

Like giant colored snowflakes

In a seemingly gentle whorling

Of a Mother Nature’s whisper

They let go, one by one and all

Believing

 

How I know so well, that feeling

Wanting to cling and be free

Being caught up in something

Daring and yet not ventured

Far too great for me to escape

As my love- for you

Even after I fell so easily

Into a whisper of your essence

Unafraid

 

And long after you’ve left

I’ve laid here beside myself

Withdrawing every since

Surrounded by pure darkness

How so apropos- when

Only- the moonlight

Has ever witnessed, the hours

Of my hearts excruciating pain

And it had to hide itself away

So we both could- cry- alone

Unashamed

 

And long after time itself

Slowly takes me away

My love for you will remain

Waiting for the moist touch

Of your long missed whispers

That brought me life and love

Whence once- it called forth…my name

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Times province

 

A moon that made everything matter

Until luminous of all star colors, fell

Out of those blues, life and I- changed

I felt the sizzle of the reining sun itself

Crash into an ocean; darkness became

And all of time itself- drifted away

Then in times wake came an aphotic zone

As love arbitrarily changed its face

I lost its warmth and its full mainstay

I- like a fog lost- within times frame

Hovered aimlessly over; whats not mine

Staring into the face of a frozen lake

I didn’t want to know nor recognize

And as I tried to embrace a dejected cold

My tears fell like a flurry of snowflakes

My kaleidoscope heart no longer controlled

Death comes to me, in a darker, slow- eternity

Oh how inhumane! Such natures mirrors reflects

And what is; isn’t at all, what we’d ever expect

 

The story on her face hurt worse

Than any of the words, she couldn’t say

Love was over and I summarily evicted

While her stuttered whispers, cut me

And I still feel their sting yet today

Even after all these dark caustic years

With those very same cloudy tears

Blinding my shattered eyes, not my mind

To the full truth of all these things

That will never let me go- and why I know

I’ll never get to hold- her- close again

Not in this life, or that untouchable way

Oh- my- God! How it hurts to my soul

Even now, in these unwelcome moments

As it wreaks havoc and I feel so selfish

Leaving my silenced heart feeling…homeless

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Disadvantaged

 

By some designed emotional mystic inception

Of what we individually define as love- itself;

Typically had its inchoative spark into our life;

Regardless of however short lived, it might live

Long before our mere conscious dares to fathom

Accepted knowledge of its very fluent presence;

We will always seem to be catching up, mentally

Or feel abandoned by in its unexplainable absence

When it left us, long before we care to…realize it

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Shirt-sleeves

 

Mesmerizing everyone with your jokes

As if that’s the only thing they’ll ever know

And remember when it comes to- you

Masking all the parts of you unknown

Until you stared at me a moment too long

Oh how- I- couldn’t help myself then

I came to realize, you innocently let me in

Between all those cracks of your smiles

I could feel in me, your hidden sorrows

And my gentle tears welled with your secret

Cause little did you think I would notice

I saw how you keep all of it silent- close

Like an unfriendly ghost- you somehow own

Bequeathed by those who never accepted you

Whenever the world has finally, left you alone

Oh how- I- know those moments all too well

So afraid to open yourself up and to let go

Too unsure to trust someone, could finally come in

Fill that void of inner hollow with true love

With love, kept reserved from that bitter dark realm

That sent the real you in hiding, just to subsist

Within your hidden whispers- of hope to be found

By someone attentive enough to know us, by our silence

Oh how- I- recognize your smiles…brave performance

 

Poet of the Light © 2019

Magnetism

 

Contrary to realities truth

I know I shouldn’t

But I never listened well

Even as a rebel child

A natural born aberration

I make myself, slip-

As I sip from the abyss

Just one more time

Ignoring my inner voice, for yours

As if- I’ve really no choice

Anticipation heighten moments

As that rush gently takes hold

Until its too sheepishly late

And my mind, vividly convulses

So- cold, all these memories

But I’m acclimating

To the ghost you’ve become

To me, and my dependent heart

So much so- I rarely shiver

When I close my eyes

As feel your moist whispers

Creep across my bare skin

Chase after my erupting emotions

And like a churning kaleidoscope

All my monochrome brokenness

Is colorfully in energetic motion

Feeling healed, feeling loved

A synthetic euphoria steals me

Into the dark hole, desperate fantasy

For a few moments, I feel you… again

Poet of the Light © 2019