Dysphoric  

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No moon could save a sun

Yet- naturally they do that

Arduously I continue to go

Through my life of motions

As if it were a rehearsed play

In my honest expected fashion

Though I can’t actually claim

Bearing identical motivation  

In spent seconds of each day

Motivation and I; estranged

When life’s end goal changed

And I fear it may not be done        

Life itself is all about changes

Undesirable ones hurt …worse  

.

Poet of the Light © 2021

Capsized   

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I feel whelved in disbelief

Like an alternative reality

Clinging to a single island

The way fog does a meadow

In some cruel fairytale story

I stand atop a lone mountain

With a perfect view outwardly

Overlooking my lost horizon

Slipping into a watery surface

Whilst a storm rages onwardly

As I feel my fingernails clench               

The tender of my numb palms

In but a foolish fobbed effort                        

To feel deep something… different

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Double cross

Self-autonomy isn’t always great

Specifically, if you can’t delegate

Judgments you’d rather pass on

To lay fault for any poor selection

As if by someone else’s incompetence    

To make sound choices for our benefit   

And so, it’s just me and this mirror

Yet, I can find no real reasonableness

When life just drops you unexpectedly                                 

CenterPoint of two opposing poles

When a part of myself desires- both

As all the rest of who I’ve come to be

Dreads outcomes of what may follow

Either one I feel I’m forced to… select

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Designated

Where- do I run away to now?

My known safe haven- is gone

We’ve been each other’s North’s

Beaming bright despite distance

But never better, when together

My heart lost- entangled in itself  

Like an obscure slow drifting fog

Subjugated to any wispy current

I am blind and stars don’t speak

Not to my heart or its inner pain       

I pray heaven bestows me mercy    

For not having courage nor notion

To utter thee any farewell by me                      

Letting go is too much… already

.

Love Daddy,

a/k/a Poet of the Light © 2021

Morsels  

Today has had a souring taste

The unexpected lingering type

You adapt to but never leaves

And its overcast weighs heavy

I’m distracted by a distraction

Staring out yesterday’s portal

If only we preserved good days

To replace the days like today

My heart cries in a near silence

Knowing I can’t dial time back

For another palatable serving

There are no returns, no refunds  

Not all slices of life are equals

And not all slices get…  finished  

.     

Poet of the Light © 2021

Requisite

I walked in a million waves

That crashed on barren beaches

Waiting to be quenched- once  

Finding only remnants of lives

I lived but inside secret dreams  

And I bore a thousand sunburns

Standing next to you but you

Were just some passing moon

I believed was sent to guide me

Eventually, I came to realize

You’re not the source I’ve needed

And my life grew darker- again

It’s defeating when even lies, lie

But you believe them…to survive

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Poet of the Light © 2021  

Penrose  

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There was a shift in our universe

Its appearance was even dimmer

Music became indistinguishable

We both noticed but said nothing

I believed instinctively we knew

More and more effort was required

As we tried to recapture that- us

First, I thought it was me being off

Then I thought it was really you  

I was right in part on both counts

But not for the reasons concluded

Turns out, we were really good at 

Misleading each other; survivalist

Truth was, we never really had … us

.

Poet of the Light © 2021

Perfecting

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I understand it takes time

To get past some things

It’s built into our lives

Things not being as important

As they once were- before

So, I tell myself lately

That you’re just practicing

To go through each day

With lessor and lessor

Of any thoughts about me

Whether or not it hurts

Whether or not if I care

Whether or not if it matters    

I’ll have to get used to it too

This is why I feel smaller

Today- than I did yesterday

You must be getting better at  

Forgetting all about… me

.

Poet of the Light © 2021   

 Oxidative   

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Late afternoon icy rains

Western caustic wind blows

Sound of the mountain train

Heading back down the tracks

Strangely I ponder to myself

If you’re seated by a window

Looking out as you leave- here

My candles flicker in a silence

I stare out my fogyish window

Praying I see your returning face

But it just gets darker with time

Yet I only feel a bit colder inside   

Still wishing I alone was enough  

Keep you from… leaving me sigh  

.

Poet of the Light © 2021

Oddities

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We swam within the same gulf

Of darkness and inner solitude  

Until life threw us both together

I saw hope in your eyes reflecting

Somehow that drew us even closer   

It was the warmth of you I loved

Until you turned dark and frigid

Then, I settled for your coldness

Fragments of what we once were

Now in your absence, I’ve nothing

But mere traces of your memories

I sew together, make them tangible

That one day I may well use them

To escape madness of … your love

.

Poet of the Light © 2021