X-factors

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Have I done love itself all wrong;

In my most immature of nature;

Or has love wronged all my heart;

Thereby breaking my inner spirit?

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Tis too confounding of many variables

For me, for I will not be controlled

And controlled offered me no quenching

For any craving that simply acquiesces  

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Perhaps the environment was wrong

Or the sun too high on those rainy days

Where my shadow got lost, along the way

Perhaps that is why I thrive in darkness?

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How I’ve thirsted for what I should not

A found lost friend that knew me not … at all

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Poet of the Light © 2021  

Unquantifiable

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I cannot begin to count, even now

How many times we restarted- us

Or how many times I eagerly forgave

Ignoring the fresh wounds and scars

You wanted more than was possible  

But nothing would really be enough

Nor did you comprehend, my love

I was too blind to really realize reality

You and our love, could not be saved

I treaded water in the wrong direction

Trying to save what was unreachable

I fell in love with uncontrollable chaos

It felt like home inside my broken soul

It hurt me the utmost … to let you go

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Finer soil

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I really didn’t think I’d get over you

But one day at a time, came true

Summer became winter into spring

A few stumbles of time learned aged

Oh, it’s not my heart don’t still break

Whenever something reminds me of us

And how we once lived a life of love  

You cannot break it any worse today

A heart never really gets tough enough

To withstand fractures that hurt deep

It will just never heal the same it was

I learned that don’t mean I can’t love

By pouring out all that ugliness within

To recreate something beautiful … again

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Lacerations

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What is experienced is always real

Only their perceptions can be fallible

You simply don’t forget an earthquake

Or a massive divide opening before you

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It said, things do wane over some time

But only in accuracy of that statement

Platitudes prattled never heal anything

They’re just cursory placebo’s cynics offer

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I know fully the depth of my love gifted

As well as its breadth in embracement’s

It stems from my soul and all I’ll ever be

Until you treat me like yesterday’s confetti

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It’s not my heartbreaks lessen any in pain

Or that the pain has magically weakened

Not when it comes to the truth of my heart

For every fracture and crevasse, tells a story

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Oh, trust me, I do still unabashedly cry!

My tears have just lost enthusiasm to drop

You’ve broken those things in me that loves  

Wounds… require loves unfathomable touch

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Offing

Unexpected doesn’t begin to define it

It was like tectonic plates shifting

Each teardrop shed was a mixture

Of disappointment and full disquiet

Unleashing a humanistic reality of hurt

I was completely helpless to stop it

A newfound void ushered in your place

The ways shadows overtake- presence

Causing my erratic heartbeats to echo

In those repeated resounding fashions 

And I felt my solid inner self, crumble

Like a humbled mountain befalls to a pile

I could hear the foreboding tsunami roar

And knew my life was about to be … darker

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Still listening

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It goes without saying, all alone

I’ve never forgotten one moment

Of the love we created, embraced

Like eternal flames in the winds  

As we danced upon life’s razor’s edge

Invincible- within each other’s arms

And convinced we owned- forever

Colorful galaxies beheld in our eyes

Merely a kaleidoscope of our brokenness

Oh! skips of my hearts pitter-patter

Knows exactly what I do mean

And how selfishly I tearfully wish now

I would’ve captured the breathes

Of each of your whispers… then

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Fallout

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Some of us love long downpours

That’ve dared to secretly sneak in

Beneath the humidly of daylight  

Like warriors out on some mission

Saving what’s been wrongly taken

But I abhor their feckless endings  

Qualm appears in queer ways

It is most strange, I’ll dare say

For me to sojourn for simplicity

That niche- where I’ve long to be

Within the worse of microcosms

Some of us bare out these lessons

Quietness really isn’t always

That peaceful sound thought

To bring one’s harmony back

That invisible sense of balance

Some of us have acutely learned

To recognized that unique “lull”

Of silence- right after a storm

Because we know what follows

Which is why, for some of us

The echoes are truly far worse

Then the origin … dares to be

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Unpacking

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Love is an eternal thing for me

Its fruition of divine knowledge

Two people have unlocked, live

You inhale, speak its wonderment

That still inspire heartfelt sonnets

And it defies all sound reason of logic  

But can mean a plethora of things 

And differently, for so many others

I really couldn’t begin to even fathom

Often, at least to me, too convenient

To claim, as if they’ve won a lottery

Thereby undermine its otherworldliness

Everchanging: a concept of terrific notice

Of which I admit I still grapple with

Cause it can be like a double edge sword

Which in itself, can be very unsettling  

But- something in which I am sure of

Is, I still love everyone I ever loved

Despite death, estrangement, or life  

Even those, whom I’ve never told

Held close in a crush like heart vault

Most of my pain; is from their loss

Unexpected, uncontrollable changes

And about that diminished access

None of which is easy to readily accept

After two souls melded spiritually

That’s not to say, I wasn’t angered

Not so much at them, the situations

More about the fashion it happened

Then in the happenings of the moments  

Deteriorating promises and images

The lessor degree I suddenly mattered

To them and in part also my inner self

And the real unfortunate knowledge

What we had, created- was devoured

Insofar as “we” was now concerned  

Which opened the door to move on

To a place of that absolute unknowns

Unwanted, scary, and yet, permanent

At least in small distractive ways

Until the pretending got much easier

Slowly replacing irascible depression

For many, they got extremely angry

Turn their love into malignant revenge

Their life became a dark myopic tunnel

Creating a sickness; one delves into lost

And most can never find their way out

But in truth, I’ll never get over all those

Heartbreaks, they’re my ultimate proof

For me, the love then… still matters now

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Not a day goes by,

I don’t feel their absence. 

Circled

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Love is always causal, so it is said  

But I find that specious at best

Shallow men prefer to blame religions

Instead- of their perverted versions 

Desire and sacrifice play polemist  

Winning me back and forth constantly

Trying to remain center is just egotistic  

Tis truly a war of my hidden realties

Waging deep beneath these surfaces

Of what I feel and what I really think  

Not to mention what my heart dreams

Most wouldn’t know I participate in

But then they never see the scars either

Nor hear of broken whispers on pillows

Craving is a most wild beast at large

Faith still proves to be an adroit warrior

I tend to have feigned bouts of accismus

Between my thoughts and heartbeats

Coyness: shattered heart learn quickly  

Fighting for and against, body and soul

Oft I feel dragged in and out of this world

I care not for the ongoing to and fro

Eternality of love remains … my only goal

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Poet of the Light © 2021

Res ipsa loquitur

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Staring out these old windows

Past the dilapidating barrier walls

I recall some past moments of love

That filled and warmed every room

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Before this fogyish cold came on

Before an eerie silence had replaced

Laughter’s that spoke in volumes

Oh! How consistent time changes

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A path we all seem obliged to follow

My inner nature seems more like dust

Remaining here amongst their shadows  

A sentinel upholding his own promise

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This is just a shelter, far from a home   

Where but a fading heart exist … alone  

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Poet of the Light © 2021