Echoes of a soul

There are times in life we miss lessons

That might’ve prepared us much better

No one ever taught me the depths of souls

Can reach beyond anything we’ve known

Or that intense reverberating emptiness

Follows in place of a profound love loss

And the fear of ever loving like that again

Is a new shadow we’re forced to live with

Or that your whole life becomes altered

With some beyond our human controls

Or that loneliness takes on a new form

As ache in your heart, when you’re alone

It’s written, Christ sends us a comforter

I missed the lesson some are called… back

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Believers

Sometimes we have to just sit in the quietude

Attentively listening to no one but ourselves

Our dreams, our woes, uttered prayers aloud

Untangling why we always feel that blueness

Paying close attention to what is not said too

Like those secrets, we keep locked in our head

Behind a hidden door of our most inner fears

Where we store the scars of rejection and love

Where we keep window and shutters nailed shut

Those time-etched shattered pieces our ourselves

We hold hope to revive back to some kind of life

Knowing full well, in our hearts it’s not possible

Not without a miracle that only love can bestow

The kind of divine miracles we’re born… to dream

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Misconstrued

Thought I learned to express myself

And outgrow all my inner doubts

I thought time healed our wounds

I thought I knew what lost meant

And that sick bitter taste of regrets

Lingering after their guilt had left

Haven’t felt this kind of emptiness

Haven’t felt this kind of darken low

Haven’t ever felt this kind of pain

Haven’t felt this way since my youth

Always thought I could rise back up

Despite how broken inside I’d become

Thought I realized what haunting was

But I can tell you…I’m beginning to

Fiery

Grief is more than an emotional rabbit hole

It becomes a state of awareness all its own

Similar to living in multi-dimensional space

Where life as we know it altered- out of sync

It’s a mutual wound ripped clear to our soul

Defying logic, conventional wisdom, and love

Where we will often question our own sanity

A cold darkness that may affect almost anyone

Anyone- who dares love by a divine conviction

And yet, our love for others is what sustains us

Even though we will suffer in profound ways

As the world at large fails to comprehend this

Making us feel lonelier on our lonesome journey

Through a dark pathway into… a promised Light

Cherishment

How selfish it feels to still suffer

During these inconvenient moments

Of seasonal holiday celebrations

When all the others are laughing

Creating their new joyous memories

Pigeonholing our beloved departed

Yet, try as I might to join in with them

I’m innately compelled to sequester myself

Fall in pensive thoughts of the lost ones

To the point, my scarred soul hurts

My heart flutters at an anxious pace

While my mind is picturing memories

That for me- can never be replaced

By new moments over…beloved yesterdays

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Mutation

I’ve found “home” was among those

That created that welcoming sense

However, I’ve never felt more divided

From home-ness in my lifetime of living

As I have throughout this past year

It’s as if my life itself split wide open

Resembling a dark giant sea eruption

And a wound that leaves behind scars

I feel left as a spec of an island I once was

Out in center surrounded by strangeness

The sun used to rise up from the east side

And set softly in quietude on a westerly tide

Now the sky is filled in a muddied greyness

And a luminous moon has gone… absent

Crestfallen

I’ve spent my full lifetime

Trying to express what’s inside me

You dismiss me like I’m worth nothing

But can you tell me where you were

During the times of my darkest hours

When I was alone broken and hiding

Misunderstood, deep inside myself

From dark people like you’ve become

Pray tell, who would’ve thought

That the people I loved the most

Would become my darkest storms

How could I scar those I deeply love

And still lived with what I’d done

I’d rather live inside…my silence

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Spoken volumes

I stare out past icy-laced panes

Nothing resembles familiarity

As my inner child’s heart breaks

Holidays have lost their meaning

Along with our traditional values

Being less and less of old usuals

More familyships are auctioned off

To a higher prioritizing host ego

Who’s material goal- is the numbers

Twas a time visitors came to share

Good times, love, and themselves

Creating our unreplaceable memories

Nowadays it’s about; who’s left out

So- who takes credit… for my absence?

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Daydreamers

Life proves it’s ever-changing; is a truth

But many opt to “go with the flow”

Find a place within the tidbits offered

However, I cannot choose to do that

For me, it seems to be ceding of my dreams

To the degree, that I’ve lowered expectations

Not only of my value but in those possibilities

Almost as if I’ve found myself unworthy

Of dreams, I truly still desire to achieve

Albeit I may be well off the crucial track

Possibility remains alive as much as I do

I concede my odds of failure do grow higher

Just as my supporters dwindle in contrast

Nonetheless, I remain a faithful… believer

Footprints

*****

Somewhere, out there

Beyond all this preverbal divide

I know your divine essence

Will be there, waiting for mine

However, changing currents here

Are regrettably cold and shadowed now

Blind, conventual, and antiquated

Where loneliness feels more palatable

And fleeting emptiness is more tempting

Yet, I remain entrenched as myself

For some of us

To love from one’s exposed soul

Is no option but our truest nature

And as in nature, obtuse cruelty exist

Seeking to stifle and eradicate that love

Burning with a dark jealous cynicism

That most often will scar us terribly

Making our soul’s windows blur cloudy

As our hearts suffer worse- endlessly

Remaining true to our soulful mission

Until the end of… our human existence

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