In their shadow (excerpt-325)

… I’ve taken nearly two weeks after landing here to reach the summit of this peak- alone- physically. The pathway seemed to present itself for me, maybe clearer perceptions or maybe help from some charitable saint even further above me. Despite having chosen this least traveled side of gorge, it is still a daunting but necessary task. This is the one place I still trusted my instincts about even after all this time. A place I that was sure to bring respite of sorts to my mind. Clouds hover like a fog below me in chilly air.

 

Thinner air mostly here, still- but even now there’re times when the wind teases at my hair that I also find, remnants of her kiss still present on my lips. And often on this trail upwards my heart thumped vigorously enough to jump clearly out of my chest as if it had spouted wings, like when she and I first met and love still in flight- into that space little children create. Maybe there really isn’t any place high enough or far enough away for me to escape everything- about her? What I thought previously was a means of rebuilding me as a man but now- I’m thinking it is more about unpacking of a soul that still wishes to live love somehow- one day.  Maybe this is part of what I must discover here- now atop of this tiny piece of remoteness? Or maybe yet again, this is where I bury memories- if possible and make peace with those parts of her ghostly feelings, I still carry so burdensomely deep in my heart, and wear as scars on my damaged soul. Perhaps my true purpose was to come, to release not only her but this un-god-like pain that became a yoke ever since that vivid day? If so, part of me wants to rush through the process then flee off this precipitous edge- in a celebratory canopy of achievement, to as far as the air current could carry my parachute; while truthfully, that inner voice of me wants, no- needs me to openly take my time. Appreciate not only the climb up step by step but my entire discovering journey from out of those cold and stagnated muddy waters. Perhaps here- is where pure clarity and lightbook-pic-in-their-shadow-462741 finally introduces me to…freedom

 

Poet of the Light © 2018

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