In their shadow (excerpt-15)

…rom afar there must have been tells you spotted in an instant, I was too unsophisticated to know about myself. Tells that clued you in, gave me away as being an easy mark, to become one of your new sycophants in what you call- love. I’ll be honest, still to this day I’m clueless as to what any of those tells are even though I’ve analyzed myself repeatedly.  I have become more withdrawn- to myself, doubtful about love ever being real, question my own weakened instinct as I still wade these cynical muddy waters you’ve tossed me into. I’m bound, maybe in the wrong direction but certainly to some unknown destination. The only one thing that remain constant is everything that has become ugly about us revolves back around to- you. Still again, how did that all become in the first place? Maybe after beating myself up over and over every day, after every sleepless night and after every candle made from an empty wine bottle; just maybe it was never about me at all but you? While it would be most convenient for you to be the cause to every flaw I have, I- I know that’s not the truth. Which exemplifies why these surrounding waters are so muddy. I’m discovering separating you from me and me from what was- us, is not so easy however it is the very course I’m left with in order to find the clarity and true…me I want to recognize in the mirror, and maybe smile over in one of those future instant moments.

 

The eerie silence in the dark is bad enough, but to me, the undefined peregrination of my foot placement currently book-pic-in-their-shadow-462741seems the worse. Worse than the tease of short-lived glimmers of light reveling the fog that also hovers like a spirit above such a stagnant body of water…

 

Poet of the Light © 2018

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